A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:sorry this is long but i need help im really hurt here..someone who i considered to be my best friend has recently become new "best friends" with a woman P -who she is going to open a business with at the end of the year. P is wealthy, loud, witty and confident, P gets what she want - ie the business and my friends f/ship. P is very determined. P knows my friend and I have been very close and she seemingly wants my freind all to herself, its working as P buys my friend things, including beauty treatments, dinner once or twice a week at her house with her husband and kid, and gives her jewellery she doesnt want anymore, P asks my friend to babysit her child and they bond and share over a mutual love of heavy drinking. this is a friendship ONLY here!!i have met P a few times, say hi but its NOT possible for me to be freinds with them both- P is busy with her work life and husband and kid and wants my freind to be the sister she never had. I have a feeling she wants me out of the picture and she is doing this by taking up a lot of my freinds spare time. since they have been setting up the business they have spent a lot of time together and call each other every day at least on the phone. i totally understand they need to set the bus. up, and its grreat that my freind is happy about it.. but.. my friend is leaving me out and always talking about the bus and this other woman and this other womans kid who loves my freind. i know we all need more than one freind, plse dont tell me this! i am a quiet person and yes i have 2 other freinds who i see, but not as much this freind, we had a good f/ship connection. i have always been ther for her and now that this other woman is her its like im losing her as a freind.my freind is the original sarcastic smart ass and i cant talk to her, i dont want to come across as jealous,and it would affect our f/ship if i talked, she wouldnt see what she is doing, shes so caught up with the bus and P and the kid. yes we all need more than one freind but im hurt here. what can i do?thanks in advance and plse help!
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female
reader, Daisy Doo  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 I am also going though this as well exsept with a difficult difference; My friend C, J and IS and myself are all realy close, exspet a few weeks ago when C (who was my closest friend) started to not hug me at first then not joke with me then not smile at me ect.I know it sounds stupid but we were really close(Or so i thought). J and started to get realy close closer and closer i started to get ignored and jelous, i dont know what to do becouse IS and J are realy close and C gets jelous and then i get jelous and so on.........I need help i am getting depressed and it's getting hard to cover it up, I think this might leed to something more (ME accturly going crazy), an illnes or something; I have started to cut out Hate and words that mean that out of magazines i am also attention seeking i am not usaly like this but feel unloved...
so i know what you feel like i don't want to sya anything ethier just in case, and this (or any other) site won't let me post this peoblem, i need help and fast.
Hope everything has got back to normal for you x Good luck if not x 3
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 August 2009):
 I think playing the "I miss you a lot" card will be most affective in this situation. Tell her that you really miss all the time you guys spent together and that you hope you can start hanging out more often. Remember, it is up to her friend how she spends her time, not up to P.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): this is the poster - thanks for the reply, I do ask my friend about P and the business, im supportive and i listen,a good friend, and I would never talk nasty about P - of course it would affect my friendship with my friend. I cant get to know P, she honestly doesnt want to know m other than saying hi on the infrequent times when i see her.
she wants my friend all to herself - she isnt interested in getting to know me, she is my friends bus partner and freind - im too quiet and i have nothing to offer her, unlike my freind who is her business partner and the person her little child lovesso much, like I said she gets what shes wants,my friend and has an agenda that involves getting the business started, being a "sïster" "to my freind, buying her things etc and getting my friend to bond with her (P's) daughter, P will sometimes ask my freind to babysit for her on he wkend so even if i have saturday afternoon free often P will get in first and get my friend to look after her (P's) kid. my freind loves this kid so she does it, she sees me when P is busy and doesnt have her social life/wkend planned for her.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 August 2009):
Hi there,
I feel for you. Here's what I think - first, start spending more time with some of your other friends. Second, I think it's completely okay, acceptable and not a 'jealous' move to give her a call and say, "hey, I really miss you. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever! When do you have time to hang out??". Maybe say that you've been really craving some sushi, or dying to see (insert movie name here).
She is distracted by her new whirlwind of a friend. She probably likes getting back to the party scene and being showered with stuff and attention, but that's all material, superficial stuff. She'll get over it. But remember to continue being there, because true friends are there for the ups and downs, ins and outs...
I don't think you need to confront her about her new friend. You don't want her to get defensive and feel like you don't like the new girl. That could push her away from you. Maybe say something like, "so, tell me more about P. She seems like a really interesting person, that's so cool that she's opening her own business!!" - be supportive and get her to talk about the new friendship. Maybe she'll invite you out with them sometime. Maybe suggest a new bar/grill place, where you guys can get dinner, they can get some beers and you can get a soda? Why not spend some time with P and get to know her a little? It'll bring you and your friend even closer.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): hi this is the poster - just though id say that i dont drink - she does we are not drinking buddies, she drinks when im with her and her and P are the drinking buddies
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I think know how u feel..im kinda going through the same thing..but my best friend is my husband.. he has new friends now..& im always left @ home w/ the kids..it sucks! I guess all we can do is "carry on"..go out w/ ur other friends..she will soon realize who her true friend really is..if u can find anything in common w/ her besides her drinking? good luck girl! b glad ur not married to her..as this hurts a lot!
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