A
female
age
41-50,
*etrayed03
writes:O.k so I found out about his betrayal 3 weeks ago, and I find it hard to move forward with him. I find myself throwing things in his face about what he did. I know I shouldn't do that because he will get tired but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to move forward and forget about all the pain and hurt he's caused. Just today I told him that my love for him it's not the same. He just asked me if I wanted him to leave, if I wanted to end things. I don't, I want to try and work things out because obviously I do care and love him, just not the same way. Things have changed between us, he is doing things around the house, cooks for me and still I feel us distant. He lets me check his phone, I check the phone log and he's being honest. But all I can think about is how come he wasn't like this 3 months ago. Why did he have to hurt me. I honestly don't know if I love him anymore. I mean I know I have feelings for him but not sure how strong. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, betrayed03 +, writes (2 April 2010):
betrayed03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your comments! I do want to give this relationship a second chance, we've been together for almost 11 years and I'm glad we don't have kids otherwise it would be harder!! But I do believe in giving a person a second chance we all make mistakes!! I know what he did was wrong. I'm still hurting alot! But I do want to move forward and forget about all of this. He said he was going to do anything to make this relationship work. I want to be happy again. I do see myself growing old with him still and having kids. But I wanna see how things turn out before I make any life changing decisions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Trust is a difficult thing to fix and it takes HEAPS of time. You should not give this guy a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card. I took an ex back and it was just never the same. Let him go...if you still feel the same about him after trying it on your own then go back. But you need to heal and see clearly what you want. Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (1 April 2010):
 It's only been three weeks; there is no way you're going to move past infidelity in such a short amount of time. He has to understand that you're going to throw it in his face for because right now he deserves it. Don't deny yourself the right to be angry because you are entitled to it. And don't feel like you're supposed to have all of the answers right now because this situation is still pretty new.
Cleaning and cooking do not make up for betrayal.
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A
female
reader, WiseAngela23 +, writes (1 April 2010):
Something similar happended to me. By the way you phrased it, it sounds as if he cheated on you. If I am right, you need to leave and move on. My boyfriend for 4 years was caught making out with my best friend, who was my best friend since 2nd grade. Its simple, leave and move on.(:
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (1 April 2010):
By the sounds of it he cheated? Once someone breaks trust in a relationship especially in the form of cheating, it is very rarely gained back. I suggest you take some time out for yourself to really think about everything and if he is worth trying with. It sounds like he is putting in effort to help you try trust him, but you need to know 100% within yourself if you can forgive and move forward with him. You say the love you have for him isnt the same, ofcourse its not right now because he hurt you in the worst way possible. But like I said, take some time apart from him, and if you come to the conclusion that you want to try, then you guys should seek couples councelling, you need help to be able to accept whats happened and not throw it in his face everytime you fight. And he needs to also learn that gaining your trust back will take years, and not just weeks. It takes ALOT of work from both parties, I suggest you both think long and hard before you make a decision to try or walk away. Ive been in your situation - but unfortunately it was more then just cheating, a child was created from his cheating, thats why I cant try with him again.. Good luck, stay strong and ALWAYS think of you and your future first because the only person your guarenteed to be with forever is yourself.
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