A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 years old and live with my girlfriend who's 23.In the past few months I've started becoming addicted to pornography, and have much self-hatred because of it.I've bought a lot of male-on-male porno and had to hide it somewhere in our house, so as to prevent her seeing it.I've never cheated on her, nor do I fantasize about other women whilst in a relationship with her.I feel disgust towards myself, yet I also have a compulsion to masturbate over the male-on-male pornography whilst the girlfriend's out at work (I work night shifts, so I have the daylight hours off!)I don't have sexual feelings towards other men normally, so why do I keep doing this??Thankfully the addiction hasn't transferred to work; when I'm in work it seems like I'm in a different world.How can I solve this problem?? It's causing me a lot of internal stress and strain and I don't want to be this way.all advice appreciated - Neil
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female
reader, thinky +, writes (17 September 2008):
Neil, I heard - and this may be wrong - that by the time a man looks at gay male porn, he has already had at least one gay encounter. Maybe it would help you to get a little counselling just to explore this area in a non-judgemental environment.
A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (1 September 2008):
 I don't quite understand why you associate male-on-male porn with cheating - as you put them in the same sentace. You are guiltridden over something that is perfectly normal, and even healthy!
Don't feel so bad about it. If anything it's just a taste of what is out there other than casual sex with your partner. It's not a terrible thing to look at something else and think it's a lot more encouraging.
As for hiding it from your girlfriend. Have you thought about sharing your feelings with her? I'm sure she'd be fine about it, and it could even introduce new ideas in to your own sex life which may take your mind off what you are 'disgusted' by.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 You need to look at the deeper reasons why you have become addicted in the last few months. Addictions often fill a void, or numb some pain, so you need to reflect on what was missing or what was hurting you in your life to make you turn to porn. What's changed in the last few months?
Go cold turkey if it's causing you problems. Don't go on the computer too much and throw away your DVDs. If you really want to stop you've got to go all out. Keep busy during the day.
As for the fact that it's gay porn, don't worry too much about that. It doesn't mean you're gay. It's just fantasy land. Being gay is more than just getting off to male-on-male porn, it's an attraction to men, both sexual, emotional, romantic, etc. if a man were in your living room asking you to have sex with him, would you say yes? Have you ever had a 'crush' on a guy? If not, then you're probably not gay. I'm not an expert, but I'm sure that what turns us on in our heads doesn't always correspond with what turns us on in real life.
But yeah, you're going to want to get this under control before it affects your relationship, your job, etc. Porn can be damn expensive, hurtful to partners, and time-consuming. If you have trouble stopping on your own, look online for support groups or perhaps even seek counseling in your own town.
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