A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, i asked this question already but it didn't work :(I need help! I'm in love with my cousin who I've been best friends with for years. We are both disabled with autism and we are both very shy and unconfident when speaking to anyone else except each other. however recently we have been doing things (embracing and kissies on the cheek) which count as romantic. I don't know what to do! I don't wanna lose my friendship with him but I don't wanna be stuck in just a friendship and feel this way! Its also becasue he's a cousin that I'm hesitating. What should I do? I can't stop thinking about him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionerm... I need more help! ^-^
I spent the whole weekend with him, in which we started to do the usual cuddling and kissing on the cheek, then he pinned me down and kissed me full force. It felt really good, but wrong in a way, but right in another. I now spend all my time thinking about him and want him more than anything. But both times (we done this twice, each time going a little bit further down the sexual road) when we stopped he sounded upset and said we mustn't cary on. I know deep down I want him to be mine but also he is a virgin, and i'm the first girl he's ever been with! Even though he says this however, both times he initiated it. what should I do! I don't wanna lose him as a friend, but I don't wanna lose him as a lover either! I'm so confused!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks SOLVEIG29, you've really helped me to think in perpective. Yeah, He is autistic and I have aspergers, but I don't have it that badly. I also have recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia, and I am currently receiving help with that. Your answer has made me think about things and has calmed me down tremendously. thanks again! ^^
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female
reader, SOLVEIG29 +, writes (3 September 2008):
Hon don't panic too much - you're very young and your hormones are all over the place at this age, disability or not!
It's actually quite unusual for those with autism (are you Aspergers?)to want romantic attachment but it is not so unusual to feel alone in the world and need someone who understands you. The intense feelings I think are part teen hormone and part the inevitable safety and closeness you feel with a family member.
Having a cousin myself who has Aspergers and having known a male friend many years ago who I was in love with (with Aspergers) but he didn't wnat to know me I came to kow a bit about it. One thing I did find is a website called wrong planet, a community for people with autism. That might help you.
Also speak to your school teachers or doctor/counsellor.
Get as much support as you can during this crazy time as your feelings must be driving you bonkers! I know emotions are especially difficult and overwhelming for you guys to cope with, they're bad enough for those of us without autism.
Don't feel bad - you're only 13 and your feelings are tremendously natural. We all have feelings for the wrong people at that age. I have read of people who fell in love with a same sex teacher and thought of them the way you do your cousin. I have read of people who had now but I loved a pop star when I was 13/14!)
Psychologists explain these feelings as your heart and emotions preparing in a 'safe' way for the ups and downs of a real relationship. While my heart decided a pop star was a safe way for me to learn about falling in love, your heart has decided to feel for a relative, someone you are, like popstars, unlikely to have a relationship with in real life as cousins are blood related.
Talk to trusted adults, look after yourself and check out that website 'wrong planet' It's a good one and helped me to understand my friend. There will be lots of help out there for what is a common experience for most teenagers with or without autism so you are most definitely not alone honey!!
Take care, keep in touch
Jxx
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female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Is it not a matter you'd be able to talk about with your parents? It'd be a hard thing to get off your chest, but i'm sure they'd be able to help you a lot more than any of us can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm pretty sure, I've always felt affectionate about him but those feelings have changed and I feel so confused about it! I catch myself daydreaming and i feel sad and actually rather sick as I never thought I could feel this way about a family member. But its as if my body isn't listening to my head and a yearn to see him and cuddle and... I know it is wrong in some peoples eyes and it makes me sound very immature but I can't help it, i've fought with my emotions for so long and they won't go away! help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): I think it's normal for you to find you feel this way, especially as you and your cousin share this disability. Maybe you're misinterpreting your feelings. Often, we find a fondness, maybe a strong liking and even love for the people we share similar things with. We feel safe with them as they understand us better.
Are you sure you're not mistaking "love" for "in-love"?
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