A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have found I have no drive to approach girls. I am 23 and never had a gf or been with a girl. I complain and get upset about it but I have no drive to really DO anything about it and I don't know why.The saying goes: if you really care about something you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse... I always have excuses and no desire to find a way.How can I get enough drive and or desire to overcome my hesitance to approach a girl? Or at least understand why I have this lack of drive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDelirium: thanks for taking the time.
I don't spend much time around women, I hardly meet any save the few I walk past at university.
yea I watch porn and yea to that paragraph.
I don't feel lonely, I have some friends and I have people i talk to online a lot. I talk to them more than my real life friends. But I do feel I am somewhat missing a close companion. I have one girl I talk to online and we are really close, she is the closest thing I have to gf.
I do want a gf. And I have never tried picking a girl up at a bar. I can never make an excuse that is compelling enough to convince myself to try.
Thing is I am not shy once I am talking to someone or if someone comes up to me or we are introduced or I already know them.
I just cannot make myself cold approach a girl PURELY to hit on her, if I have a reason; we are in a group together, sports team, or advertising/selling our team at a sports fair I can cold approach fine.
But I cannot make myself go up and say hi if the only reason is that I like the look of her. I just can't do it and I have no desire to force myself to. I don't want to come off creepy or desperate and I also have no idea what to say.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGo to the gym guy: I am a male Physique model, I have been going to the gym since I was 18.
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A
female
reader, Delirium  +, writes (27 October 2014):
 As a 23 year old girl I guess I would start with figuring out why you don't really have a desire to talk to girls. There could be lots of reasons, do you have a job where you spend a lot of time around annoying women? I am a girl and honestly I can find other girls extremely annoying, that would definitely drive down my desire to talk to them. I'm guessing you watch porn or something so you don't have a strong physical urge to get a girlfriend (I see nothing wrong with that, I'm just saying if you're taking care of your own sexual needs you may not be totally hormone driven). Maybe you're introverted and don't feel like tackling the amount of effort it take to get to know someone, perhaps you have roommates and enough friends that you don't feel lonely. Are you trying to put your career first, meaning that you've decided a relationship needs to take a backseat to your work? An honest look at why you don't feel the need to involve a woman in your life would be your first step to finding a way to change that.I have a friend who is 27 and is really into gaming; as in tournaments, streaming, etc. He doesn't have a girlfriend and he doesn't seem to be interested in finding one (he's dated a couple of times but it never lasts). Probably because a girlfriend would require a time-commitment on his part, he would have to put aside his gaming and actually get to know someone, go on dates, spend time with them. At this point in his life he has plenty of friends around that invite him to hang out, game together, go to conventions, etc. so he doesn't feel a need to have a girlfriend. But at some point he will probably decide he is lonely and wants to find someone. You may just not feel like you want or need a girlfriend at this point in your life. And of course there is always the possibility that you are just looking around at the wrong types of girls for you. If you find yourself trying to pick up a girl at a bar and you just can't believe how annoying or shallow they come across then maybe you should be looking for a different type of girl. Join a club, get more active in your church (if you're part of one), community, university, whatever. You don't necessarily have to push yourself to talk to girls as much as putting yourself in a situation where you have to talk to them. Eventually you'll become more comfortable and it'll be easier. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): go the gym .. bulk up or tone up .
I know its hard because I struggle to do it but when I did go it boosted my self esteem a lot and when I actually went out girls approached me lol
buy yeah do that it helps confidence and also gives you a topic to talk to them about . also you may see some girls at the gym
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A
female
reader, Ngyzee  +, writes (27 October 2014):
Alright dear, then I guess its perfectly normal and ok, who knows? Maybe you haven't met the right girl that will spring you off your feet, But you sincerely need to sum up courage and approach atleast one girl, they don't bite, all they can do is turn you down, but the right girl will give you a chance, as long as you approach her nicely. Just DO IT! Don't wait for an extraordinary force to motivate you. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh yes I am very attracted to girls and I definitely imagine kissing and having sex with them.
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A
female
reader, Ngyzee +, writes (26 October 2014):
I guess the first question you should ask yourself is if you're attracted to girls. How do you see them? Do you actually like girls? Do you imagine kissing or having sex with a girl? But no courage to approach them? Pls answer these questions and we'll know what to do from here. But if you have no desire or feelings towards girls, then I think you'll need to question your sexuality.
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