A
male
age
51-59,
*tatesman
writes:Dear Cupid I am a 46 year old man, after being out of the dating scene for a very long time I met this gorgeous 48 year old lady at work. We got talking initially I asked her out and she declined stating that she was in a complicated relationship. About a few weeks later we worked on the same shift, and she agreed to dating me. Since then we have gone out winning and dining, for walks and also traveled to London for a weekend where she met my brother. During conversations this lady had said this is all new to her and that she really enjoys my company, and she can't stop saying how caring and lovely I am .She also mentioned that she had broken up with her previous boy friend who had not contacted her for well over two weeks. On our way back from our weekend away in the car she said that we were not compatible (after three weeks of dating) and that we should remain friends, which I agreed to, We went out as friends with to watch a movie and a meal. During the meal she appeared lost in thought and was constantly receiving text messages of which she told me was her ex, she stated that her she had sent some of stuff that belonged to her ex back to him with a little card attached. She did say that she doesn't know if they would ever get back together due to her fear that things would never change with him. We finished dinner and skipped the movie as she became distraught. I left after dropping her off. After sleepless nights, I decided to send her a text asking her opinion on whether it was best that we didn't communicate with each other anymore due to the emotional trauma it was causing both of us. she replied that it would be a good idea wishing me luck for the future and apologised . I do have very strong feelings for her despite all this, please advice me on what to do, and how to deal with this situation?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Statesman +, writes (26 October 2014):
Statesman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA big thank you for all your advice and comments I highly appreciate them and I found them very helpful. Thanks to all of you once again.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 This is the first woman you tried dating after a long time. She still had unfinished business with her ex and your date was ruined. You couldn't have invested a lot. The pain you were feeling wasn't from rejection but rather you could be an emotionally sensitive person and absorbed her negativity. You were her rebound. You have to detach and keep being positive but at the same time be aware that there are lots of women in the same situation as her in the dating market. Of course it's important that the woman is physically attractive. The right woman is worth the wait.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): She is in no way ready to have a relationship with you or anyone else. Maybe a non committal date here or there just for fun and friendship. But that is it. Her head and heart is with another man. She will never give you or any guy a chance if she is still wrapped up in this guy. And it is very clear. She is still very emotionally involved with this other man. It may be over and it may not be. But she is not ready for a relationship with anyone, including you. Yes you can still be friends. If you can handle that. Maybe someday she will be ready. Maybe not. She could date you or perhaps someone else. There are many possibilities. As long as you keep an open mind and do not get too involved.I am a woman who was in a similar boat. I am with a guy for 2 years. Things were shaky. All the while I have this other guy waiting in the wings. He is feeling me out, seeing if I am ready. If I am really going to leave my current man. But I never leave even though sometimes I am mad at him. So, I end up going to coffee with this other guy and talk about my current man most of the time. He is sort of like a guy friend.... platonic.... who is willing to listen in hopes of getting further. But he will get tinkered around with because she is probably unsure of her current guy but still holds out hope. Just do not become a fall back guy... or the guy who will always listen and hope for more from her because it may never happen. We women like the attention of men and their friendship and will keep them around like another girlfriend to chat to and have support from. That is it. We may not be attracted to you in the same way but we like the male presence.So, being friends is great if you know where you stand.She is probably hoping that this guy will come around again. Change his behaviour and they will have another chance together. Trust me, she is probably holding a torch for him still. So you do not have a chance right now or in the foreseeable future. You seemed to have handled it very well. Keep it light. Just be friends. Keep your distance. Let her dictate the direction if or when she is ready. But who's to say you may not have found another attractive woman to keep you company in the meantime? ;)
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