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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. It is the best relationship I have ever been in. We both love each other very much, and constantly express it. The connection and memories we have are awesome. Her family embraces me as their own. I am 22 years old, and a very good man. I have a lot going for myself career wise, and am very mature for my age. She is 18 years old. She recently broke up with me because she says that I am her first everything, and needed to see what it was like to see other guys. She said that she wants to be available to explore and not be tied down to a serious relationship. It was sudden and shocking for me. I know there are not very many guys out there like me. How should I go about handling this situation? Has anyone been in this situation? What happened?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2005): Your g/f is very young and simply NOT at the same committment level in this relationship as you are.
She needing to experience life to the fullest, spread her wings and have some time for self-discovery, so to speak. Some people have a lot of living to do before they're truly ready to settle. She needs time to live alone, find her own rhythms, date a variety of people, develop new friends and interests, learn how to live with and care for herself, totally and independently on her own. These are the ways young people learn who they are and what makes them unique.
This is a process most young people go through and need to get to that "committed and settled" phase of their life. As tough as it is for you, she needs this time on her own, flying solo..being alone. Being alone is a markedly different experience from being lonely. She needs this & you have to accept she needs to do this. As hard as it is, you will have to let go. I think it's only fair to her. She has to take the brave step out in the world and do it on her own.
She may be tempted to try to sowing her wild oats, by plunging herself into non-stop adventures or new relationships. She may not. One doesn't know but that will be her individual choice. She may start a new career, further her education, travel all over, seek new adventures. The fact is, she needs to learn about life and the more she practices, the better she'll get at making decisions about life, in the future.
But be friends with her and stay in touch. But don't be on her doorstep..if she experimenting with dating, that may be hard for you to see. Call her, e-mail-every once in a while. Who knows, you and she may hook up again, down the road. If you two are meant to be..it will happen. Take care and stay strong
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reader, jess18maine  +, writes (30 July 2005):
 Wow, I'm sorry about you'r girlfriend. It sounds as though she is insecury about her love for you, but if she knew for sure then she would stuck w/ you, but she's not and she's out there looking to see if theres any better, shes not satisfyed with you. or and don lead into this to much i'm just giving you another opition, is it possiable that she was a virgin also when she meet you so your also her first in the department too; so maybe she just wants to get aroun and she what sex is like with other guys. I'm kind of in this situation but my boyfriend is that one that wants to go exploring, and so I'm going with i just didnt mean that much to him then. Also the only thing you can do is talk to her and see how see feels, ask her what explore mean? Also when she says explore maybe she was kind of asking for permission to step out on you and go with other guys but if it didnt work out maybe she wanted to know if you were still going to be there when her exploring was over, and dont be there hun if thats the case because that means shes taking advantage of your relationship and you. She's taking you for granted. I wish you all the luck, it sucks she wants to throw away 1 and 1/2 years. I think you should move on and explore too your young and there may just be more 4 u out there any way, well there must be better out there for u b/c she just left after 1 and 1/2 yrs. and I'm sure theres a women for you that will stay loyal. Keep faith in you b/c u sound like a great guy.
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