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female
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*nhutchi
writes: I just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me with a random woman he met at a bar. I am shocked, devastated and heart-broken. To give you a bit of background, my boyfriend is a wonderful, kind man. He has been asking me to marry him for 2 years now, but we both agree that we need to wait a bit longer (I'm only 23). Given all of this, and the fact that he never goes out to "party" and doesn't enjoy bars, you can imagine my surprise. There were no serious issues in our relationship. He tells me that he just got wasted and made the "worst mistake of his life." I am at a loss as to what I should do. I've always believed that "once a cheater always a cheater" and I refuse to be treated like that. On the other hand, we are really good together and have a future planned out. What should I do?
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female
reader, hkm  +, writes (31 March 2012):
My boyfriend is away for the weeekend with his older brothers and i got a call at 6.30 am this morning from my boyfriend who had been out last night and he told me he was disgusted with himself. I started to freeze up and asked him to spit it out. He told me he had been smoking weed and drinking a lot and that he had had sex with a waitress from the club out the back. He said he didn't know what he was doing and that she sat on him for five minutes and then he pushed her off and ran back inside he felt so bad.
How the hell am I meant to look at him the same. We are 19, approaching six months together but our relationship is intense, we live together and know everything about each other.
He was crying and said he wanted to kill himself he felt so awful for hurting me. Just yesterday he told me he wants to marry me. How do I forgive him? Should I?
I know when I go out It doesn't matter how drunk i am i will never even get close to another guy. So how does he expect me to believe he didn't want to? We have had issues with my not feeling attractive enough for him but i never thought he d cheat.
He is a very jealous type and he has told me if i ever cheated i would be out the door no exceptions. And he wants a second chance but admits he doesn't deserve one.
I want to spend my whole life with him and i suggested that we take a break so i can process it and he can feel bad and discover how important i am to him. Any advice? I haven't seen him yet and im still in shock. He is so remorseful but he still did it :( please help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I found out 26 hours ago that my boyfriend of 2.5 years slept with the girl he lied about. He said she came on to him and that he turned her down, so I should be proud. This didn't happen just once, but twice within two weeks, with her and her friend.
My world has literally flipped upside down. We are 21 and he still goes to school at the university I went to for 2 years, I now live an hour away but I saw him every weekend.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so angry, and so hurt that he bold faced lied to me for 6 months...that I actually found our relationship stronger because he told me he turned her down.
He seems like he regrets it...but only time will tell that. I want to forgive him so badly just because I truly thought he was my fellow soulmate, and at the same time I hope he remains miserable for the rest of his life. There was no excuse for his betrayal, for his lying, for him trying to hide it and "forget it."
I used to think that cheating was the ultimate unforgivable act. When my friend cheated on his girlfriend, he told her the next day and she forgave him...I thought she was an idiot. My boyfriend was "ashamed" and tried to put it out of his mind and forget it ever happened, but at that time, he wanted to cheat on me because he was curious.
I just can't get over this, but I know I can't act right now. ONLY time can show that he really regrets his actions or not, and I think that's why I just have to wait. I want him back, I want to forgive him, I want to trust him again (and like some of you guys, I just don't think I can stand having sex with him ever again or kiss him) but I'm not sure that I'll ever have that strength.
I do know one thing, though. If I do forgive him, I have to forgive him completely and truly. Maybe in a few months, if he proves his worth and sorrow, if he doesn't move on and if I feel that it's right, then maybe I'll forgive him. Until then, I don't know. He lost his closest friends over this, so for him, I really hope that she was worth losing everything over.
I knew the girl and warned him that she was hitting on him. I can't tell you how bad I want to hunt this chick down and beat her up. She knew we were dating. I just can't understand who can do that...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I see that i have a lot in common with most of you girls. I just found out that my 1 yr. and half boyfriend who i have a 2 month baby with cheated on me. while he was in Dominican Republic visiting his mother. He left me being a month pregnant and by myself and but i didn't mind because i trusted him with my life.
But now 4 months later i found out that he cheated on me with a girl from my neighborhood ! and i found out because she's pregnant and when to ask for his # at my family's house, I devastated i have never felt so hurt , betrayed , disappointed.
When i confronted him about this girl he swore to me it was a lie but i knew it wasn't deep inside me i knew he was lying. It took me about a week to get out of him that he slept with her . I'm super HURTTT !
She believes that shes pregnant of him... but he tells me no ! but i don't even know that to believe any more. i told him i was going to forgive him and that we had to work things out because we live together and we have a beautiful baby girl to raise. but the honest truth is that i dont know if thats going to be possible !! when he gets near me and try to kiss and look for me all i can imagine is him cheating on me with her ! WHAT SHOULD I DO !? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME !?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I know what your going through.
I just found out last night that my boyfriend cheated on me when he went to Vegas with a friend last month. I had suspected that he cheated but he denied doing anything every time i asked. Now im stuck in the situation of do i try and fix our perfect relationship or am i never gonna be able to forgive him and have to leave him. He said it was strictly just a one time drunken hookup and there was no emotion behind it. We have so many plans for the future and we knew that we were gonna marry each other one day. He is torn to pieces and regrets what he has done with everything inside of him. Its just so hard because you love them so much and you want to forgive them and take them back and hold them and never let go but a the same time you dont want to be weak and make him think he got away with what he did. It just hurts so bad and is such a hard decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I completely feel for you. 3 weeks ago I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years had an 'emotional affair' for 3 months, earlier this year. At least that's what he told me.
Then day by day I found out more and more (which he lied about until I presented evidence) and I eventually emailed this other girl. Last night she replied to say that they had an affair and that he had told her we had broken up and he was devastated and getting over me (we were living together). I just cannot believe the depth of his deception. I feel my life has been shattered by him.
He says he will do anything to fix this, and I was initially willing to work through it, we even went to see a counsellor last week. But then I received this email and I cannot believe a word he says anymore. This was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): I know how you feel, two weeks ago my boyfriend of a year and a half told me that he had cheated on me while he was drunk at his friends house with his friends sister. He'd made out and slept with her. When he told me he was crying which is unusual. I am naturally a very forgiving person so I decided that eventually i would take him back. I always give people a second chance which has worked out for me because no one has abused that second chance again. For some reason when he told me I wasnt mad, I guess I was shocked because he is the kind of person who would never do that my family and friends were shocked as well. The fact is I still picture them together and I lose control of my emotions, I told him that if he ever did it again that he would never see me again. However I feel like this has strengthened our relationship a bit because we were both able to see what it was like without the other and we both realized that we cant stand to be apart. and we both experienced what it was like to lose each other as best friends as well. Things have been going better, but I still feel betrayed by my best friend/boyfriend. Do things ever go back to normal? Do the pictures ever leave? Should I stay with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): i guess we all share the same feelings here..most of the people who are not into this kind of situation would tell us..leave them..theres a lot of men .prove to him that his not worthy..blahhblahhhblahh..but i guess.. if love is true enough there is no getting over..
ive been into the situation ..weve been in the same company but he was transferred to other branch...everything seems to be good all those times..everyday we were together..after work he will come just to spend time with me.. One day he received a txt msg from the bf of his co worker to take care of his gf...he told me about it and thought it was nothing..maybe october last yr after ive read the msg..i even texted the girl several times confronting her why she give the number of my bf to her bf..and she told me her bf just want to make friends..i though it was the end of it..till last dec..i heard gossips and my coworkers telling me to keep an eye on my bf andd that i dont know what his doing ..i asked him several times and he get angry and told me they just want our relationship to fall apart..i believed him..and never mind what ive been hearing..until the day that the girl send me a msg telling me that my bf and her do it lastyr of nov...telling me that my bf love me so much but she dont know why he betrayed me..i freaked out..and confronted my bf..he told me the story..but the girls story was an opposite....im not defending my bf but i guess the girl is just a bitch also..in the first place before they have done it she already knew that my bf is committed when i txtd her october last yr .they do it last november.but when i asked her she said she dont know....my bf and i try to work things out right now..and stilly trying..he talked to my family and feel sorry about what had happened..i guess its just so hard to trust again because of what had happened..pray for us..
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reader, hismine  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 i guess we all share the same feelings here..most of the people who are not into this kind of situation would tell us..leave them..theres a lot of men .prove to him that his not worthy..blahhblahhhblahh..but i guess.. if love is true enough there is no getting over..
ive been into the situation ..weve been in the same company but he was transferred to other branch...everything seems to be good all those times..everyday we were together..after work he will come just to spend time with me.. One day he received a txt msg from the bf of his co worker to take care of his gf...he told me about it and thought it was nothing..maybe october last yr after ive read the msg..i even texted the girl several times confronting her why she give the number of my bf to her bf..and she told me her bf just want to make friends..i though it was the end of it..till last dec..i heard gossips and my coworkers telling me to keep an eye on my bf andd that i dont know what his doing ..i asked him several times and he get angry and told me they just want our relationship to fall apart..i believed him..and never mind what ive been hearing..until the day that the girl send me a msg telling me that my bf and her do it lastyr of nov...telling me that my bf love me so much but she dont know why he betrayed me..i freaked out..and confronted my bf..he told me the story..but the girls story was an opposite....im not defending my bf but i guess the girl is just a bitch also..in the first place before they have done it she already knew that my bf is committed when i txtd her october last yr .they do it last november.but when i asked her she said she dont know....my bf and i try to work things out right now..and stilly trying..he talked to my family and feel sorry about what had happened..i guess its just so hard to trust again because of what had happened..pray for us..
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reader, mom44g  +, writes (12 November 2009):
After four years of a relationship my boyfriend and I finally reached a point where we could be together and decided he would move in with me and were to be married. Well, one day when he finished checking his email and left for work, I found he had not logged out of his account. I went into his email and found he had been seeing several women over the past four years, all the while telling me that he loved me and I was the only woman for him. All of the emails were responses to ads he had placed on a personals site; some of them were local people with whom he became lovers. I confronted him and he kept saying it was just internet fantasy and it was over when he moved in. I can't get past it knowing he slept with these women. I would be much more inclined to believe I could if he had been honest all along and said I am dating other people since our schedules are so conflicting, which was the biggest issue for a long time. Nevertheless, I allowed him to stay and try to get over it. The other night his cell rang and he didn't wake up. I got up and looked up the number; it was another woman. I called her and was told that he had been seeing her for two years behind my back. He had called her the night before and that morning supposedly saying he missed her and wanted to see her, etc. Of course he told me she was lying and he had not talked with anyone since he moved in with me. I told him to leave. I am devastated; he was my best friend in so many ways for so long and I feel beyond sick that he could do this.So my feeling is that even if you think you can forgive, you can never regain trust once it is destroyed. I tried very hard to believe him and it only wound up causing more problems. I am trying to move on and it is the hardest thing but I'll make it somehow....he not only hurt me, but also the women he was playing games with...I don't know how anyone can do this kind of thing and live with themselves. Where is all the honesty in this world?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): my boyfriend recently cheated on me, had a three some behind my back and i found out, he says its the worst mistake hes made and that he wont do it again, but how can you trust them? everytime your boyfriend goes out can you really say that you will be able to trust him again, and you wont get worried when hes not with you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): i have the same problem but he never commited to me he nevr go to bars or clubs. He doesnt know that i know he cheated please some one help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I think every story has an end whether good or bad it is and will always be your choice to choose witch way it ends last night was the first and last time i ever cry myself to sleep over seein a girls number and text from his friend seeing if they all are gonna hang out.... i couldnt believe i actually let it get to me. that was my mistake YOU control your feelings. We have been together for 3 years, but i have to tell myself " who cares" he says nothing happen i want to believe nothin happen and he is a good lil boy lol However me like everyone ele should forgive chill for a couple days to take time to breath, and let him do the same. Almost like a lil kid when there bad u put them in time out. Hell i love the bastard but that doesnt mean he gets off the hook easy i see it like this: If a man is easily forgivin and takin back without reprocautions it will be that much easier the next time. So live life and try to move on, but DONT BE PLAYED. BE SMART ABOUT IT! xoxo
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): I have also found that i am not as sexually attracted to him as i was before he cheated and often get images of them together when we are having sex or even just talking. Anyone else found this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Iv been going out with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and we broke up for a while about 8 months ago. (He broke up with me because he said he didn't love me anymore.) A week after he broke up with me i got a call just after work from one of my friends saying that when we were on a short break, about two months before actually breaking up, he'd been texting her and telling her he wanted to be with her and not me, that he cared about her and thought about her all the time. She said they ended up kissing but nothing more than that, obviously i knew nothing about this until a long time after. I rang him to ask if it was true, and he denied it all and put the phone down quickly. She then rang me the next day to say that more recently hed been texting my best friend. I asked them both, and she admitted hed been texting her but said she was disgusted by the idea and would never betray me. He, again, denied it. I was in contact with my best friends ex boyfriend and he knew about this as well and he said he had heard rumors about them sleeping together. I asked him and he denied this. After a couple of weeks he said he thought he had made a huge mistake and we ended up sleeping together a few times, though we werent together. Then, one night when i was having my girls round for a drink, one of them told me she knew that my exbest friend and exboyfriend had slept together because shed been talking to her and she was worried she was pregnant with his baby. I rang him that night and he admitted he had slept with her once, but only after 10 minutes of grilling. I didnt speak to him for about a month and then he started saying it was 'the biggest mistake he'd made in his life and he would do anything to be with me again' We had a casual relationship for a while, so that i could learn to trust him again and after a few months, we were back together. Now, 8 months down the line, we're still having issues with trust. I don't know if i should carry on trying to forgive and forget or not. I love him so much and i know he loves me to, i know he regrets everything that he has done and wants to make things work with us now. I'm not sure if he would do it again.
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reader, L.A.A.  +, writes (17 February 2009):
Hi, just wondered on the update?? are you atill together??
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reader, ceshottie5 +, writes (1 July 2008):
well i have the same stiuation. i am 19 and i have been dating my bf for 4 years and a year into the relationship he cheated on me with his ex who he was hanging out with. the story is one night 3 years ago he was in hemet visting his mom where his brother and two sister's lives their but his ex lives their in hemet too and he lives here in huntington beach where i live so he was hanging out with his sister and his ex and the reason why he was hanging out with his ex was cuz she was his sister's best friend. we got into a big fight that night so i guess he cheated on me later that night but he only kissed her for a second and realize he was making a terrible mistake. so he stopped then the night sfter that he told me the whole story on what happened so i cried a lot but i gave him another chance but he have made an effort to make things right between us. so now everything is perfect between us but i still get upset over it everytime i think of it but now he doesn't talk to his ex anymore or hang out with her or go to hemet anymore after that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I'm going through the same thing. I'm trying to hang in here because i still love him a whole lot and i believe he's really sorry for what he did to me.I think you shoud hang in there and be strong. Either way it will make you...never let anyone or anything break you hun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I'm only 18 years old..my boyfriend and i have been together for two and a half years...just recently he kissed another girl and kind of "talked to her" for a month behind my back. i found out from the girl and broke up with him right away...we took other people to our proms but realized how miserable we were without each other. I have always believed that once someone cheats they will always cheat but it is a different feeling when you are put in the situation. i took my boyfriend back and we have had the best month in all of our two years. he leaves for basic training this monday and the seperation anxiety we are dealing with now makes me see how rediculous and immature the whole situation was. honestly, there are bigger problems in life to deal with. it has taken three months for me to not wake up and immediately remember that he cheated on me..but it happened. i trust him now. it has made us stronger. re-evaluate your relationship..ask yourself if you really do want to marry this man, if you want him to be the father of your children. follow your heart and you have nothing to lose. cheating has no excuse..and you will never understand why he did it, EVER. he can't explain it to you..you can rationalize it to yourself. accept it as something that happened in the past and tell yourself this is a new better, stronger beginning. if you really love him you will do the right thing. good luck!
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reader, solid +, writes (3 June 2008):
Acknowledge and accept your feelings of anger, sadness and disappointment over the betrayal.
Don't blame yourself for his actions. Remember that you can't be responsible for anyone's behavior other than your own.
Try to set aside your emotions and look at the situation from an outsider's point of view. What advice would you give to your friend?
Evaluate whether his behavior has permanently destroyed your trust in him and in your relationship. Do you believe he won't repeat his actions in the future?
Confront your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel about his actions. Let him know that cheating is not acceptable behavior in your relationship.
If you feel you need to know why he cheated on you to obtain closure for yourself, listen to his explanations about his behavior. Remember that listening does not mean you condone, agree with or accept his behavior.
Don't allow him to manipulate your feelings with sweet words of apology or promises never to cheat on you again. Be realistic. Do you honestly believe this was a one-time event, or do your instincts tell you that he'll probably cheat on you again in the future?
Ask yourself if you would be better off with him or without him. Can you continue to enjoy the relationship, knowing about the betrayal?
Find a constructive outlet for your emotions of disappointment and anger.
Give yourself time to grieve over the betrayal. Whether you stay with him or not, forgive him for his actions so you can heal and move on with your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Acknowledge and accept your feelings of anger, sadness and disappointment over the betrayal.Don't blame yourself for his actions. Remember that you can't be responsible for anyone's behavior other than your own.Try to set aside your emotions and look at the situation from an outsider's point of view. What advice would you give to your friend?Evaluate whether his behavior has permanently destroyed your trust in him and in your relationship. Do you believe he won't repeat his actions in the future?Confront your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel about his actions. Let him know that cheating is not acceptable behavior in your relationship.If you feel you need to know why he cheated on you to obtain closure for yourself, listen to his explanations about his behavior. Remember that listening does not mean you condone, agree with or accept his behavior.Don't allow him to manipulate your feelings with sweet words of apology or promises never to cheat on you again. Be realistic. Do you honestly believe this was a one-time event, or do your instincts tell you that he'll probably cheat on you again in the future?Ask yourself if you would be better off with him or without him. Can you continue to enjoy the relationship, knowing about the betrayal?Find a constructive outlet for your emotions of disappointment and anger.Give yourself time to grieve over the betrayal. Whether you stay with him or not, forgive him for his actions so you can heal and move on with your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): wow.. i thought it was just me. im 19 and ive been dating my boyfriend for 3 and a half years.
i found out in dec. that he cheated on me a year ago. he actually did not tell me. i found out. and i asked him about it, then he confessed. he said that we were ''on a break'' and that he was drunk and couldnt remember the girl..
i was so upset and i started crying. i actaully dont understand. i would have never thought he would have done that. after i found out, i saw him as a different person. i guess everyone is different, but i cant seem to forgive and forget... i was really hurt and i dont know what to do....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Well after reading all of these situations, I can say I feel a lot better. Heres the WHOLE STORY! Almost two years ago had broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years and about a month later I met this guy. Right after I met him we became unseperatable. I had two weeks until I was to move 2.5 hours away for school. During those two weeks we hung out everyday. After I left I would come home every weekend to see him or he would come down by me. There wasn't one weekend we could go without seeing eachother. When I was away he would never forget to call me before he went to bed and we would talk for atleast an hour every night on the phone. I was like head over heels for this guy. I've dated a lot of people and never felt this before. After we dated for about 3 months I made the mistake of driving up to my ex boyfriends cabin 1.5 hours away at 11pm with a friend without telling my boyfriend. While dating my ex boyfriend I helped restore his cabin and it was finally done so I drove up there to see it. I stayed at the cabin until 12am, so like an hour and than drove home. I did nothing with my ex but talk. The next day when my boyfriend came over, I didnt know how to tell him. Eventually I did and he was devestated. After that things got worse between and my boyfriend. We still were crazy for eachother, but it was different. We both really like to go out and drink on the weekends, when I mean drink, I mean drink A LOT. About two months after I went to my ex's cabin my friend told me that my boyfriend had cheated on me with one of my friends. We were both at a party when I had found out. I confronted him and he denied it. He kept denying it and denying it saying he didnt remember. The night that he did cheat on me he was drunker than drunk because I was there. I made him call my friend and see what happened. She said all they did was make out, but still making out is cheating. I was so angry I just did not know what to do. I didnt know if I wanted to be with him. When I finally gave him a chance to talk he cried to me for a long time. I'm not a very strong person so I gave in and took him back. I didn't give him his trust back though. Over the course of the last year since that issued occured I've heard other things and our relationship just turned to crap. He turned 21 and wanted to go out to the bars all the time with friends. I am a year younger than him so I could never go out. We still would hang out sun-thurs and than when fridays came he would bail on me. As to why I dealt with this I don't know. When hes sober hes the nicest guy and we have so much fun together. A little over two months ago from now I was informed that he had slept at a motel with some girl I know from high school after being at a bar. When I found that out, I was more depressed than I'd ever been in my life. We than stopped talking to eachother. It was about a month where we didnt talk for like almost a month nor did we see eachother. One night he called me and came over and we talked and caught up on things. Since than we've been hanging out seldom and talking on the phone here and there. I try to keep my distance but its so hard. He recently did something stupid and got in trouble with the law because of drinking. He had to spend almost two days in jail and was stuck in a room with only a bed. After he had gotten out of jail he told me he realized he messed up and that he needs to change his lifestyle. He now has to change, but also wants to change. He told me that all he thought about in jail was me. I don't know if I even believe any words that come out of his mouth. He said that he wants to be with me, but I don't know if I want to ever be with him. I'm still like head over heels for him and I don't know why after all the bad things hes done to me. I think that now that he can't drink things could be a lot better between us, but I don't know If I want to try again. I've gone through hell and back this past year. I will be 21 soon and I know that I will want to go out and meet new people, but part of me just won't and can't let go of him. What should I do?
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reader, Pegger  +, writes (16 April 2008):
The same exact situation happened to me about 6 six months ago. I found out that my Fiance cheated on me 4 years ago after drinking to much at a bar. I was completely heart broken, I felt betrayed, and so stupid. We've been together for 5 years now. He too, Is an amazing man, and never partied or goes to the bars either. Right after he told my about what happened, I called my mother crying. She told me that my father Did the same exact thing to her when they we're our age, they have now been married 26 years, and have 3 children and 4 grand children. My mom said something I feel you must hear. "Love is built upon forgivness, And to Turely Love someone Completely, You have to be able to forgive." Breaking up is too easy, Its staying together that will truely determine how strong you are. I completely understand how you feel. Right now maybe the loneliest you will ever feel. I hope that what i have typed helps you the way it has me. There will be times in the future that you think about, And you could almost say you hate him. Just force your self to remember why you love him, and Why you should forgive him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):
Well, it’s always a shock to find out that your boyfriend, fiancé’, or husband cheated…regardless of it’s the first time or not. Take my story for example; my boyfriend and I are in love. Not the everyday kind of love where we curse each other out and make up weeks after. When he hurts, I hurt, and when he hurts, I hurt as well. We’re connected. He’s like my best friend. Last year after his parents died, things started to get rough for us. Of course one can never say what a man goes through finding out that he’s lost both his parents in the same week, so I didn’t know what to expect. Looking back now, I would say that he was “acting out” a bit. I guess it was his time to “find himself”.
Anyway, back then, he kissed a girl that he was sexually attracted to. He also felt her breasts and the like. He said that he’s never slept with her, and I believe him. And like is said, when you find out for the first time that your lover and your best friend cheats, it crushes. Thought his happened months ago, I found out just a few days ago. The findings had me shivering. I didn’t know how to react. I felt hurt, anger, and resentment (yes, all three) knowing how much I’ve been there for him, remembering how much time, feelings, and tears I had already invested into our relationship, and also because you can catch diseases from just kissing someone (thank God he didn’t catch any). What made it worse was that I found this out on a vacation we were on together. Let that sink in a minute. He didn’t even know that I found out until I brought it to his attention, but before I did, I thought about leaving him and never telling him why I left. After thinking a while, I figured that even though he hurt me, I was gonna be the bigger person in the situation.
First, I forgave him. I let him know that. After I got on the plane home, since then, I never looked back. This is all still “fresh”. We haven’t spoken in like 3 days, and it’s already hard because we talked daily…sometimes more than once. I thought I was ready to deal with it but in reality, I wasn’t. I still am not. I think the best thing for us to do right now is to take this quiet time between us and remember certain things as we do love each other. First, I want to remind myself why I fell in love with him. That way, I’ll remember why we are so special to each other and why we need each other. Second, I want to remember all our happy moments between us both, which will bring a smile to my face. Finally, I would like to pray. Whenever that time comes when we (do) speak again, I’ll try not to remind him of what he did. He already knows, so reminding him all the time won’t solve anything. It would only take my mind back to the situation, which would only cause me to get angry and want to fight about it when I need to be doing the opposite.
Your question is if you should stay with him or not. Well, that’s for you to decide. Think about your relationship. If too many arrows point in the wrong direction, then you know what you need to do, but if many of the arrows point in the right direction, then by all means, stay. By telling you to stay, I’m not implying that what he did was right. What I’ve learned throughout my test is that all men are tempted and not all men are strong enough to say no. a man might love you dearly, but in some cases, their love for you isn’t on the forefront…especially if he’s weak. Also, if you do stay, its gonna be hard at first. You may even find yourself thinking about him kissing her as you kiss him. Whatever you do, please don’t remind him of it. Even if you have to go to the ladies room and get yourself together to keep the piece, do it. Find a counselor if you must, or simply find ways to keep your mind busy so you don’t think on his episode. Only time can heal you. Space apart doesn’t prove anything in some cases like this. It only makes the mind wonder more. Nothing good comes easily, so if you want it, hang in there.
The original post date of this question was July, 07. I’m not sure what became of this couple, but I guess I can go ahead and post this for future couples. Good luck. Wish me the same.
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reader, Emmy-Lou +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend of 2 years has done the same to me!
The only difference is that my boyfriend has convinced himself that we weren't together when he did it! So as you can guess it's slightly different.
If you honestly believe what he is saying and are ready to risk the possibility that he will never do it again, then there shouldn't be any reason why you shouldn't try and work it out.
At the end of the day lots of people will say that your crazy for staying with him but they aren't always completely aware of how your feeling. So sit down and ask yourself "can i survive without him? Will it be such a problem if we did break?" and lastly "do i still love him after what he's done and can i trust him again?"
Hope this helps and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I'm curious to know if you got over this? What has happened now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Going through these messages I can realize all the guys that cheated have the same excuses,"I was drunk" "I won't do this again" "That was the biggest mistake in my life" "I don't want to lose you" "I don't know why I did it" ... why do they have to lose the trust we had on them to realize what they had?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): My boyfriend and I were together 1,5 year. I am 21 and he is 30 years old. He travels all around the world for his job and I am still studying. 2 months ago I found out he cheated on me for 3 months. The girl he was cheating with, contacted me and told me everything. Every time he was abroad in the same country, he was with this girl. When I found out, he took the plane and asked me for forgiveness. I slapped him in his face and could not do it. A few hours later he wanted to commit suicide and said he couldn't live without me and he was so sorry for what happened. I found him in the hospital, and saw how hurt he was. The reason why he did it was because I didn't want to settle down. I think I'm too young to get married and have children. I still wanna make a career and travel. He said he thought I cheated and he said I could leave him anytime, because the world is still open for me. We had some hard times, disagreements about important things. I think in the back of my mind, I knew I could leave him for my career. Now, we recently got back in contact with each other. We spoke 7 hours on the phone and I told him everything how I felt. We were totally honest and genuine to each other.. and analyzed our relationship from beginning till end. I could see that he was afraid of loosing me, and that is why he made that mistake. I still love him, as this is my first great love. I don't know if I should stop the contact, forgive him or "stay friends". I know he's sorry. Because he's trying to change himself and try to show me everyday. I just don't want to screw up my life.. because of a man. I know I could not totally trust him again. My friends and family were really involved in the crisis, they came to the hospital and saw me crying everyday. I don't want to disappoint them. I know I could not get back together because my family would just not accept it. Before I was strong and I always said: once a cheater, always a cheater. But now being in this situation, I just don't know what to think anymore? Do you believe in second chances?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend who I love dearly and who I've been dating for almost 2 years cheated on me a few days ago and I was in shock. He got drunk and slept with a random girl who followed him to a restaurant and then followed him home when he was being dropped of by a freind. I never ever thought this would happen because we have talked about marriage and our future a lot and he already has my engagment ring, just hasn't proposed. I am crushed and I told him that I do not want to date him right now and he had two months. If he can completely quit drinking, which has always been an issue in our relationship, then I will consider taking him back. My sister is telling me I am being stupid for considering him (she was cheated on before and she broke it off immediately) but I love him more than I ever thought I ever could. I know how it is to do something you would never normally do had you not been drinking, which is why I don't drink anymore. Above it all, the drinking is off limits and I think any relationship is better if there is no alcohol involved. He says he will do anything nad he has never felt worse so if that's true, the drinking will stop. The only thing you can do is give it time. Don't make a rash decision because it sounds like you have something special. If you have been with him for 3 years, I think it's worth it to take a few months and see if you can move past this or you need to move. Only time will tell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): I met what i thought was a wonderful man when i was 23 (we were due to marry) and i thought the world of him.
(He pulled out the wedding 8 months b4 saying he didnt have any money and whilst i gave him the benefit of the doubt my instincts were right; he just couldnt quite committ to me enough or as much as i was prepared to committ to him - he lied big style) We have never been the same and i will never be the same. My outlook on relationships a few later is so different.
My advice is dont go back to a cheater, you will always hurt at what he did and like me you just will not be able to fully trust him, and will always wonder what he is really up to or thinking. At your beautiful age learn from the relationship. I slowly detached myself from my b/f until i felt i was strong enough to finally cope; and leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): well i am 24 years old, just two months i went through my boyfriends emails and found out that he was still messign around with his ex girl friend. i cried my heart out, i have been with this guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): MEE too i had been with mine for four years and then he started talking and flirting w/ another girl. In the past i had caught him for different things, lieing here and there and revenge was paid...let me tell you. Not that, that is right though. Anyway we also had plans of getting married and having a family, we lived together and I have since then moved away from him. He has begged me to stay with him becuase there is that underlying love, but we live hours from each other now and I don't see how it can work. I did not trust him while we lived together let alone, hours apart. So im confused to,..at the moment we are trying to work things out, but its like anyy day now I feel like I will walk away. I also believe once a cheater always a cheater, and it happened..so i would be stupid to stay right??
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): You know what, Im going through the same thing right now. I thought that he could never do this to me, we've been together for 5 years and through the kicking and screaming from me telling him to leave, he wouldnt go. He said it was the worst thing he could ever of imagined doing and he was completley trashed. I asked everything down to a T about it: did you like it? Who started it? Where were you? Why didnt your friends stop you? Did you think about me? I mean I asked everything! And to my suprise, the scenerios that were flying through me head were nothing that he said. I believe him. And it kills me everyday to think about it, Im going to approach her, because it is one of his managers at work and hes only 20! and she was 29! I think telling her how shitty of a person she is, even though she knew me, will make me feel better. You may not feel the same way, but maybe it would help. Stay strong, believe that he is sorry and remind yourself that you love him too much to make him feel the way you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hi i can really sympathise with you i know this happened to you a couple of years ago but i would be interested to know how you got through it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): It is really crap isnt it. My boyfriend of 8 years left me recently and then i found out/he admitted he had kissed other girls, although says he didnt sleep with them. I think I believe him and nobody has told me different but you just dont know, do you? The not knowing everything and being suspicious which is the worst thing. I genuinely believe that he is sorry and hes not a bad person. We really weren't getting along, but that isnt an excuse, is it? Sometimes I think that if he loves me the way i think he does, what does it really matter. But othertimes the feeling of betrayal and pain is too much. We have been seeing each other in secret but have agreed that we do not want to get back together until we have sorted ourselves out seperately (both have some issues of our own to work through). I hate myself for even considering getting back with him, but i do love him and am not sure i would ever love anyone else as much. And hate the idea of looking like im an idiot to everyone else. Dont know what the answer is, just got to decide if you can ever really forgive and trust again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): u got to leave him beause he will do it again your heart will hurt after my x boy friend cheat on me i never dated again don't let him say it wont happien again but it will i was with my for 6years then one it was gone i lost my home and my friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): u got to leave him beause he will do it again your heart will hurt after my x boy friend cheat on me i never dated again don't let him say it wont happien again but it will i was with my for 6years then one it was gone i lost my home and my friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): I feel so sick because only 4 hours ago I found out that the man I have been in love with and deeply committed to, open and honest with for 7 years is now seeing someone else. I also found out he lied to me about it. I had noticed that something was different with him and pleaded with him to just tell me the truth. He told me instead that he was having work issues and needed time and space. I knew something was wrong. I have never snooped in people's emails before, but I was in so much pain that I checked his email and there I found the truth.
My body is cold and shakey. I know I will get over it eventually but I feel so incredibly sick.
I left him a phone message to never contact me again. I know I couldn't recover the trust again. It is just too weak to cheat and lie. I deserve better than that.
I read this thing about seeking a partner who has the greatest value you can find. I love that idea.
Cheating and lying are not valuable. Honesty, bravery and kindness are.
I can also say that either the guy is just plain bad news, or there is something in the relationship that really wasn't working and that was their way of coping with it. I think as others of you have said that in certain situations a relationship can recover from an affair, providing there is introspection on both parts and a genuine desire to grow.
I am sad to say that in my case, I think I have a "bad news" one. This is his pattern and I should have not been so gullible and foolish.
I will get better and eventually seek a partner with much higher value.
Thanks for sharing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): Two days ago my boyfriend of 4 and half years told me that 8 weeks ago he cheated on me. I am still in shock and completely crushed and heart broken. We were so good together, people would comment on how well suited we were and what a great couple we were. It sounds like many of the stories on here, he went out one night to a club and got so drunk he almost couldn't control himself. The thing that hurts the most is that he can't give me an answer as to why he did it, as he doesn't even know. He says it was a stupid mistake that has potentially cost him the most important person in his life. Before this happened i always thought that i would never be able to forgive someone who could do this to me, but now that it has happened and i am over the initial shock, i can say that i want so much to forgive him and because i want it so much i think i might just be able to do it. I know that its gonna take time and he needs to gain my trust again but my love for him as always been strong and true, and i truely believe i could never love another man the way i love him. So my advice to anyone in the same situation is that some relationships are worth saving and people deserve 2nd chances. Im taking one step at a time and seeing how i feel the only thing i fear is having my hurt broken twice, he promises that he could never do this to me again and having seen the hurt he is going through i think i believe him. I hope so much we can get through this.
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reader, redambition +, writes (16 June 2007):
My boyfriend went to Thailand for two months, we were together six years, when he came back he was different i knew something was wrong he then broke it off sayin he didnt love me. six weks later he met me and told me he slept with a thai girl while he was away. I have no idea why he told me i think he wants to get back together, i love the stupid son of a bitch for all his faults he was never into other girls and very loyal and i'm crushed but i know i'd go back. You know yourself best...queation is can you live without him? be kind to yourself xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): i;m going threw the same thing right now and it hurts me really bad icant eat or sleep we have been together for 5 years and it is really eating me up in side i love this man very much and i have done everything for him i guess u can say when they go out to bars they get in trouble but every dog has there day and i hope he gets hurt to so for u be strong
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): So many people are in the same situation and so I am - hence why I came on ere to see what people's advice were. I have been with someone a year but I found out the other day that he cheated on me a few months ago but he lied to me which hurt. But I want to forgive him because I was so happy with him but at the same time would that be asking for trouble? My thoughts are if you feel you can trust him again and you can work it out you should forgive him because the anger will just eat away at you, however if you are still not 100% move on because even though right now it might be the most painful thing ever to let go, it may be the right thing to do in the long run otherwise you may regret it.
The pain is indescribable and I am sorry, but if you do forgive him don't EVER put up with it again, second chance and second chance only. Here I am giving advice and I don't even know what to do myself, lol, good luck x
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reader, queeny63 +, writes (27 April 2007):
WOw!! If after the betrayl you still have thoughts of forgiving him, then do it! If he is asking for forgiveness and in your gut feeling you believe him, the do it! Why have anger and disappointment fester within you. It seems like you love this guy, so forgive...but tell him that it will take quite some time for your trust in him to be regained. My situation is almost similar....i feel lost but he had an interlude with an ex who has a child by him, now she says she is pregnant...by him. He has asked for forgiveness buy his punishment is living with what he did and paying child support!! so have faith in God, and take it day by day!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): My boyfriend of one year just recently cheated on me as well. With a girl i have been worried about since the day i met her. My advice to you is as good as anyone elses really...i, just sharing how i feel, maybe it will help. It comes down to me...at this point in my life, he is my best friend, my only family in this big city, and i need him .... i need him, and i want him. Bottom line. So we are working through it, or trying. I think everyone is human, and screw up, i have to be able to forgive once... my man feels terrible, and it kills him to see me hurt, but i know deep down how sorry he is, and how bad he screwed up, he is aware of. happens twice.. then toss him! but life is too short, and if you want to work it out, and you love him, then be with him. but you have to be able to really truly forgive, and forget... move on. look at your relationship, can you see a future? is it worth saving? if so do.. if not.. then choose to differ. There you are miss lady, hope i can help... i know how it feels .. im hurt too.. my thoughts are with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): i think that you should forgive him. he sounds so upset and people do make mistakes. he soulde really sorry and that he really loves you. im of the philosphoy of that if you really trulley love some one you will forgive them, but he needs to no he has to make up for the hurt. when my bf of 8 months now hurts me ( usually i find flirty msn messages, found one today of his x sending him dirty pictures :'( ) it hurts for days and days the pain will come and go but you will get over it. if you think you two are really mean to be together you will forgive him. at the end of the day its you who he wants to be with not this other girl. i no its hard and your probally really confused and upset but you will be more hurt if you let the relationship go to waste. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): The fact that he was able to confess to you that he cheated shows that he is an honest person and also shows that he is truly sorry. On top of that it shows that he is unselfish for taking the chance to lose you forever by being truthful. Most guys are too selfish to confess to their girlfriends that they cheated because they don't want to take a chance to loose that person. He is giving you the oportunity to make a decision and it is up to you. If you truly love him and you truly believe he loves you than you should forgive him. Only you know what you two have and if it's worth working on the relationship. However, if you're the type of person that can't forgive than taking him back may be difficult to do. So if you truly love each other and you think that you can forgive him than you should give him another chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Dear heart broken,My advise would be don't marry this man anytime soon. I think the fact he is blaming his behavior on alcohol instead of owning up to his mistake is a clear sign. I think you should focus on yourself and your goals at this age. You are still so young. You will change a lot in the next few years. What you want and expect from a man will change. Why go into a marriage with some you can not trust. If you can't trust someone in any situation then you can't trust them. Keep your options open.Wish you all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Yes i think you can if you give yourself a little time. You should know him better than any one so if you think he is truely sorry and you can trust that he is telling you the truth it is worth a try. It was a horrible mistake and maybe it will bring you closer together in time.
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reader, stars224 +, writes (16 January 2007):
I think if you go with your gut instinct you will find your answer. personally, if my boyfriend cheated on me, I would be inclined to ask myself questions like "do i know this guy as well as i think i do?' and it would be hard not to let something like this eat away at the relationship. If you really can find it within yourself to forgive him, promising yourself not to ever throw it in his face in future arguments you may have, and you feel secure in your relationship, then i think you should stay with him. if there is any doubts in your mind about your future with him, or being able to trust him, whatsoever, it will never work and you will never be happy with him, however hard you may try, as it will always be lingering in the back of your mind. ultimately, you need to protect yourself from hurt. you are the most important person in your life. your health and happiness comes first above all others, remember that when you are making your decision.
good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): By reading your story I feel like this ounce you cheat always a cheater.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): You Know what when I read your post I said wow!!!! That is what happened to me really. My boyfriend is out to sea and he was at a bar and did the same thing. He didn't sleep with her but she did something else for him. And he called me and told me about it. He was so upset and called his mom and dad, he even talked with my mom about it. But yes he was the like your man never did the party and bar type. But in my case he is very sorry for what he has done he cried and cried to his mom and mine. He also said that he was drinking a lot but he realize that this was no excuse for what he did. And he told me that he will do anything to make up for the wrong he his done. Right now he is still out to sea and he will be back in Nov. So it's really hard for me just B/c we really can't talk that much about it. But this is the frist time that he did this to me, and people make mistakes. And if your man is really sorry for what he did to you. You need to set rules for him and let him know that he hurt you and if he was to do it again you will walk out the door and not look back. Only if he really shows you that he is sorry and you see that he is trying hard to gain your trust and love back. But he has to show you not tell you. And if you both want to talk to some one for help it would be good. As for me I will make my man sweat it all the way until he get back. And some. B/c really I will make him learn the bigest lession of his life. B/c right now he is sweating it B/c he doesn't want to loss me. So that's what I can tell you it will be hard but in the end you will find it in your heart to forgive him and your relationship will be stronger. I hope it will work out for the both of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): You Know what when I read your post I said wow!!!! That is what happened to me really. My boyfriend is out to sea and he was at a bar and did the same thing. He didn't sleep with her but she did something else for him. And he called me and told me about it. He was so upset and called his mom and dad, he even talked with my mom about it. But yes he was the like your man never did the party and bar type. But in my case he is very sorry for what he has done he cried and cried to his mom and mine. He also said that he was drinking a lot but he realize that this was no excuse for what he did. And he told me that he will do anything to make up for the wrong he his done. Right now he is still out to sea and he will be back in Nov. So it's really hard for me just B/c we really can't talk that much about it. But this is the frist time that he did this to me, and people make mistakes. And if your man is really sorry for what he did to you. You need to set rules for him and let him know that he hurt you and if he was to do it again you will walk out the door and not look back. Only if he really shows you that he is sorry and you see that he is trying hard to gain your trust and love back. But he has to show you not tell you. And if you both want to talk to some one for help it would be good. As for me I will make my man sweat it all the way until he get back. And some. B/c really I will make him learn the bigest lession of his life. B/c right now he is sweating it B/c he doesn't want to loss me. So that's what I can tell you it will be hard but in the end you will find it in your heart to forgive him and your relationship will be stronger. I hope it will work out for the both of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Of course you should forgive him. You must let sometime go by before you do though, just so he knows what it's like to perhaps lose you if he were to it again. If you love him then you'll love him no matter what. Love someone unconditionally or don't love them at all. He made a mistake and he'll make other mistakes, he's human, that's what humans do. Get over it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I wish I knew what to tell you. I just found out that my boyfriend of 8 months has been cheating on me for 3 months with 2 different women. The catch is that he was doing it on line and through text messaging and hadn't YET met these "women" in person. He swears he's not like this, he hasn't been himself since before we even got together. His parents swear that this is so unlike him, they're just dumb founded. He has been lying to me since the first day we met about his beliefs because what he tells me is wrong and/or sick he's out talking about and asking about with these women. A month and a half before I found out he started seeing a counselor and plans on continuing that even if I don't take him back. I know that as a Christian I should forgive him but my question is how? How do I ever trust him again. I'd never trusted anyone before in my life, this was the first time I'd let my walls down and was completely vulnerable to another person. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): i have kinda the same story my boyfriend of three years we also have a child together she is one. just told me he cheated on me when i was pregnant and three months ago how do you forgive some one for that i love him with all my heart but it hurts so much to now that he was with two other women im trying really hard to forgive him i just keep in my head that home is were the heart is and to learn to forgive but never forget
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): He would have to earn his trust back big time It's so hard cause it takes only seconds to destroy the trust and years to rebuild it. I hope things work out cause my man of three years was always faithful and we too are very compadable but he broke the trust I had for him and every since I question his every move I never wanted to be like that but, if we are to make this relationship work he is gonna have to prove himself over and over again people do make mistakes that's a given but, he has to be patient with you you it won't take over night to trust him again who knows how long it will take. Good luck it is so tuff but you guys can get through it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): tell the bastard to go to hell! ditch the flirt, there is a better soulmate out there for you someone who will worship you and only you!!! ditch him girl!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): if you too have been in a relationship for 3 years and he said that it was the worst mistake that he made then i think that you should give him another chance 'cause everybody makes mistakes and ya'll have a future palnned out then it would be hard to throw a 3 year relationship away for that only one mistake. W O R K it out your relationship will get better.
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reader, pablo88 +, writes (2 November 2005):
its funny that i too am in the sames situation. I was with someonewho broke up with me to sleep with another guy.
Funny thing is later i found out that her parents and family told her to move on. More like forced her to move on because we argue alot. To make her family happy she listened to them and did what she did. After sleeping with the guy three times realized "what am i doing" she tells me that she feels dirty for doing so when in reality she still wants to be with me. Should i take her back?? i still love her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): i have the same problem and its horrible because i love and i know that he loves me too but i just cant stop thinking about what happened we still together but i lost the trust that i had on him we been together for 5 years and i think we pretty good togetherif you to talk to me you can email me at [email address blocked] or [email address blocked] ill love to help you and you can help me too good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2005): I believe that you should look inside your heart and decide what is it you really want.
I have a similar problem. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. He cheated on me once before and told me a couple months later. Recently we had a very life changing accident and we are yet to find out the result.After going through this together, I sincerly explainde to him that I need to know if he has cheated. I have asked many times before but the answer was always no. However, with my persistence, he finally told me he has sex with a girl I had heard him speaking to on the phone. This happened months ago. The hurtful thing is that he broght her to his new place where I spend most of my time. We share so many memories there.
I was devastated and hurt. I found this out last week. I have never cheated on him in any way. I have devoted so much to him. I just cannit understand how he could do this to me again.
I broke off the relationship. but went back to him after four days.Its just not the same. I cannot see myself being intimate with him. There are just thoughts of him and this other girl. I do not care if it is one time. I am really hurt. I really feel like ending the relationship. The thing is that other than this we seem perfect together. We study together. Our families both accept us and love us as a couple and our friends admire us. What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2005): I have just found out - tonight - that my boyfriend of two years did the same thing. Got drunk and hooked up with a female friend. He is devastated and sorry. I'm actually a little surprised at how easily I feel I can forgive him, I think because I know in my heart this is not typical for him. Actually, he was cheated ON by an ex-wife. Frankly, I think that will help us... If anyone understands how this shatters my trust, and the time we'll need to rebuild it, he does. We have talked about the reasons that led up to it. He is at fault, no doubt about that. But I have been pressuring him big time lately to get engaged. He tells me it's what he wants, and has taken some steps to make it happen. But my pressuring had him feeling trapped (and brought up memories of how is ex had pressured him). I've been horrified at myself for becoming the nagging, impatient girlfriend I never thought I'd be. So - He and I have talked alot about how we've let each other down. We're going to fix it, and I think we'll actually be stronger for it. I know that in a peaceful sort of way, which helps to quiet the anger that I can't help feeling as well. You know your man. Go with your gut. If you think he's sincerely sorry, it will probably strengthen you to deal with it like adults. Life will get hard again down the road. Be more prepared next time. I know we will be!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2005): Judging from your letter, I think you will be able to forgive because you both are motivated to make it work. It really takes a committed effort from both of you. If everything has been discussed & sorted out in regards to this "cheating incident", it is now important to remember to not give the incident more power than it deserves, by dredging it up. (Even though at the time being, it did feel like the end of the world)
The focus now-is finding ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved cheat-proof relationship and it is possible. Good communication will be the key to your road to recovery. Finding suitable solutions on how to prevent the same event in the future.
Your anger and betrayal may pop up occasionally and your b/f has to understand this. After all. you will likely be working this out emotionally, for awhile. After you and your b/f get everything out in the open and understand the roots of the cheating, only then, can you both concentrate on re-building the trust and forgiving once and for all. Forgiving your b/f does not mean you will forget what happened, but it will mean that you have accepted what transpired and are ready to move forward without bringing the past into your future as a couple. It will be difficult for you to blindly trust your b/f again, but you must make an effort, as well as your boyfriend. Your trust will strengthen as time goes by and through the convincing actions of your boyfriend. You cannot put him on a leash and monitor him, 24 hours a day, and you shouldn't want to. Do not expect things to magically improve, because you will be disappointed. Re-building the trust, passion and strength in your relationship will take a reasonable amount of time and could even require couple counseling if you feel you both cannot make it on your own.
Exploring new happiness will help your relationship mend and move on greatly. Go on dates together again, get romantic and become better friends than before! Make a permanent note in your mind that nobody is perfect but everyone deserve forgiveness for their mistakes. If you have been genuinely apologized to and promised that it will never happen again, then open your heart and give him a chance. You obviously love your b/f and he loves you, which is why you have decided to forgive and move on. So work as a team and be each other's strength in putting the past behind you, looking at it as a learning experience, which will assist you in making your love cheat-proof from this point on. I wish you both peace and happiness. Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (30 July 2005):
 YOu sound like me!!! Smile. What you should do all has to do with the type of relationship you have. Examine how you found out...if he told you ...was he regretful or was it like...oh darn look what i did. Something must have led to his drinking that night to that excess. And no it was not you so don't even think of it. YOu guys need to thrash this out liek adults. If you love each other you may be able to get past it. However, I believe that once a cheater always a cheater myself. And even if you resolve stuff..are you willing to erase it from memory? If you guys are really good together...take the time and effort to work on it...you will get all the answers you need when you start to talk it out. Good Luck...ana
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