A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Will I ever find love again? I thought that I had finally found my soul mate and after almost 2.5 years together she decided that she wanted to be friends. I know she got frustrated that we weren't engaged yet and I wanted to and told her this but i had just gotten laid off from my job about a year into the relationship and was working freelance and another part-time job so I wasn't exactly were I wanted to be financially. I also know that she was getting a lot of bad advice from her friends making me sound like i wasn't motivated to find full-time work again, and on top of that one of her guys friends started texting her all the time towards the end. I felt as if I tried to convince her other wise but she can be very impatient and shortly after we broke up she starting dating that guy friend that was texting her. It's been over two months and I am still heart broken and I feel frustrated and feel like this was my last chance at love. I was looking forward to getting married to her and being with her forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): It jus wasnt meant 2 be with her. She didnt love u in the first place cause if she did she wouldn't have moved on so quickly. She was already out of love with u and in love with him. Her lose cause their break-up is goin 2 b really bad. U deserve some1 better anyways who will appreciate u wantin 2 give the finer things and not already flossing it. Find some1 u can grow 2gether with and let go of dumbass broads. Written by a female
A
female
reader, les +, writes (12 May 2008):
Go before its not too late. The feeling that the person you love doesn't want to committ to you is a tough one. This is especially true for girls, since we're conditioned to believe that guys are not interested in long term relationships, and maybe you we're ready, but she was reading it as signs that you just weren't that into her (which sounds like the case, and I'm SURE thats what her friends would be telling her.. b/c thats how we think). Since most women dont need to have their life in order to get married, she probably doesnt understand where your coming from. She could have moved on, chances are, she's just hurt. You have to try, you might have to try harder than normal, b/c after that, she's going to be wondering about you, and you have to prove to her that you are serious.Or she could have moved on. But its better to try and know you gave it everything than wonder forever..
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A
male
reader, sighsighsigh +, writes (11 May 2008):
Ok, here is what the problem is this. You have to fix yourself before you can offer yourself to anyone. I have been heart-broken many times and have been dumped before. I know the pain you have. It comes and goes. When you get involved in something, the pain goes away. When you get quiet time, the thoughts swirl around and around..causing that familiar pain.
The way I got over the pain of losing someone and got over feeling sorry for myself was mainly two three things:
1. Get yourself together and create a positive atmosphere and aura around yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are worth something to someone. We all have our soulmates out there. It's hell finding that person sometimes, but you have to be able to offer something worth having. Something that someone else would feel desirable.
2. Moving on... get yourself on a free dating site and post a profile. Plentyoffish.com is free and has MANY women in your area feeling the same feelings you are...maybe you can relate to someone new and develop a friendship. You will truly see that there are definitely more fish out there.
3. Get out and put yourself out in public. Offer yourself to let's say, a bar scene, a social function... surround yourself with people who value your friendship and appreciate you.
Now that those options are presented, back to your ex... Let me give you some facts. If she wanted you, she would be with you. I know it's so hard to deal with rejection, but you will get over it and the pain will go away eventually. The faster route to killing the pain is to find another person. Do not dwell about the old times and the good times. You can't recover anything that has happened. It's the past. Look to the future. Look to healing. Don't beg her and don't communicate with her unless she makes the attempt.
Life is so short. VERY. Don't you want to be loved by someone that truly, 100% loves you rather than 30% or less? Then forget about her. Fate is strange. A second chance may come around again with her, but that isn't your choice...it's in fate's hands. The thing you do now is work on the pain. Those 3 activities above will help you. Right now, you need anything that will help you cope and move on.
As painful as this is and I know your pain, it will diminish. I know it hurts soooooooo bad when you want something you can't have. I have suffered big losses, but I got over them. TIME. That's all. Take it from me, man... you ARE worth something to someone. Find her. She will make your ex pale in comparison to the love and attention that you were given. Most new relationships are upgrades from the last--especially if you were dumped by someone. It's ok, you WILL find a better love. She's waiting. Thinking and wishing the same thing you are at this very moment. But you will have to put yourself out there.
I'm no expert, I am in the crapper at the moment myself, but with a different cicumstance, we will all get through this. WE WILL SURVIVE.
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