A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for over two years. Within the first six months he cheated on me twice, just kissing two other girls. I found out after about a year, and we decided to try and work things out. I have forgiven him, and am trying to trust him again, and trusly dont think he'll do it again, but im becoming very paranoid and snooping through his stuff. I am even having dreams about him cheating. Is there any way that i can get past it, or any advice on how to work towards being able to trust him again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again!!! and sorry about posting a response like 3 times lol i didnt htink it had worked so i kept doing it haha
A
female
reader, Angels1have1wings  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Okay well then i would suggest that you stop keeping tabs on him. If you feel that he won't it again and he treats you amazingly and you can't imagine being with anyone else, then maybe you should let things go.
I understand that you will always feel paranoid because there is always that possibility but if you two can get through it then good luck to you both. I'm guessing he's learnt and if you feel able to continue then that's your choice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help. Although alot of people believe that cheaters will always be cheaters but i believe theres more to it than that. I think that it matters who it was with, when it happened, what was going on with us at the time, and lots of other things.We were going through a tough time, and i wasnt perfect either. I let my ex boyfriend kiss my around the same time but stopped him immediatly. If the rumors werent spreading that there was more to it than that then i may have never told him about it either just because id be scared to. Which is exactly why he said he never told me. Some may not believe this but he treats me like a princess. He does everything for me, and i cant imagine being with anyone else. We fit each other perfectly, and i just need to know if i should just let things go, and whatever happens happens, and stop snooping. Or should i try to keep tabs on him...as bad as that may sound? please help!! lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help. Although alot of people believe that cheaters will always be cheaters but i believe theres more to it than that. I think that it matters who it was with, when it happened, what was going on with us at the time, and lots of other things.We were going through a tough time, and i wasnt perfect either. I let my ex boyfriend kiss my around the same time but stopped him immediatly. If the rumors werent spreading that there was more to it than that then i may have never told him about it either just because id be scared to. Which is exactly why he said he never told me. Some may not believe this but he treats me like a princess. He does everything for me, and i cant imagine being with anyone else. We fit each other perfectly, and i just need to know if i should just let things go, and whatever happens happens, and stop snooping. Or should i try to keep tabs on him...as bad as that may sound? please help!! lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I know most people think once a cheater always a cheater and im not trying to make excuses for him, but i believe theres more to it than that. It matters who they were with, what they did, and what was going on with us that made him do it. We've talked about it lots and I barely ever think about it anymore, but for some reason i dream about him cheating with the weirdest people, and i constantyl question if hes lying. Should i just try and relax, stop worrying and whatever happens happens, or should i try to keep tabs on him...as bad as that sounds??
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female
reader, Angels1have1wings +, writes (11 May 2008):
Okay it's clear that you care for this guy and are willing to go through a lot to stay with him.
However, this parranoia is doing you no good. Trust is a key element in a relationship and if he is breaking that trust and you find yourself questioning that trust; then maybe it's about time you two had a big discussion.
Why is it that you found out a year later? strikes me that he was trying to hide this from you for as long as he could. I find that because he couldn't tell you straight away is the reason why you are getting paranoid.
Can i just point out that you're young and this is NOT your last chance for love. Why put up with someone who has cheated on you twice? I'm sure if you talk to him about your feelings then you might be able to sort somthing out but dont forget that there is a lot left out there for you so don't feel as though this is a relationship you must stay in.
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