A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here is the situation. I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, although the past year has been semi-long distance since she moved an hour away to attend school. I love her very much but we aren't as intimate as we used to be and I only get to see her weekends, etc.Recently I have developed a strong crush on a good friend of mine, whom I had dated briefly before meeting my GF. That relationship didn't last because she was extremely busy with work and school and didn't have the time to devote. The thing is, that is still the case with her. Her last relationship ended in February and she always mentions how she hasn't had sex since then, always acts extremely flirty, dresses in very sexy attire when we hang out, etc. I'm afraid to do something stupid like break up with my girlfriend for her, because I know she won't have time for me but I can't stop thinking about how sexy she is and how it would feel to be with her. It's been all that consumes me recently.. and I'm afraid if I hang out with her alone, I won't be able to control myself.What would you recommend?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I recommend keeping your friend at a comfortable distance until this hunger abates. To tempt or indulge that appetite is to whet it. And the baggage you'll be carrying around afterward is not worth the momentary pleasure you might get from it.
It wouldn't hurt to re-evaluate the relationship with your girlfriend. Are you certain she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? If not and if she still has a few years of school left, then it hardly seems worth making a full commitment to something you're not getting the full benefit of.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I think you have two options here. One, stop hanging out with this girl that tempts you; or two, break up with your girlfriend in case you succumb to temptation and hurt your relationship. I can honestly say that I have been in a similar position and it turned out that I lost a friend but I will be marrying the man I lost that friend for. I feel that I have won in the end. So, if you love your girlfriend, lose the flirtatious friend.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Then stop hanging out with her, cut off contact. How would you feel if you knew your current girlfriend was "consumed" with how much she wants to have sex with one of her exes and still hangs out with him?
It's actually a pretty bad sign that not hanging out with her wasn't the very first thing that popped into your head when you said you won't be able to control yourself.
Also, don't word it as though you won't be able to control yourself. Unless you're on something mind-altering (including alcohol) you are fully capable of restraining yourself. If you word it as though you will lose control rather than choose to cheat, you are sort of trying to let yourself off the hook in that it wouldn't be your fault, when in reality it is because not only did you choose to cheat, you also chose to continue hanging out with her.
Just cut contact and try to remind yourself why you love your girlfriend.
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