A
female
age
30-35,
*essicajay
writes:Hey guys. Well, I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but I've been have these fantasies that I was being raped, and I enjoyed it. I'm only 14 years of age, and I know I'm going through puberty and all. But is it normal to feel like wanting to get raped or molested? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tristezza +, writes (31 October 2008):
people often have fantasies about being overpowered and submissive but being a rape survivor I can tell you- it's not really rape that you're fantasizing about. Rape is about you not wanting to be there and not wanting the sexual activity to happen at all. So it's not really rape if you are wanting to do this beforehand and have a partner in mind. Doing a little S&M is great but its not truly a rape fantasy. There is a huge problem with the idea that women want to be raped and rapists use this myth to justify their actions and blame their victims. You're having perfectly normal thoughts about that submissive virginal role which I think makes women feel sexy and desirable because it takes them back to their first sexual experience and how delicious and forbidden it was. But you do whatever you want to in your sex life-just make sure that the partner you choose is not going to hurt you. You might also consider whether you have ever been raped before. If you have, think about whether there is a connection between these urges and the sexual trauma. I had issues with sex for years after the rape. Take care-sorry for the psychobabble- XOXOXO
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): When I was u age I was going through the same thing.Exactly the same actualy.
U r becoming aware of everythin related to sex, don't worry about it, u will soon forget, I did
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 You are becoming more aware of your sexuality and most probably have a strong character. You want someone who is strong willed and more of a challenge to you hence these rape fantasies. The difference is though, they rape you the way YOU want them to, they chase you and pull you down the way you THINK it will happen and they stop when YOU want it to be over. FANTASY... NOT reality! Rape fantasies are very common and there's nothing abnormal about people having them but the reality of most fantasies are very different, as long as you know that.
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): I have the same fantisies about being raped or molested and I am 32. I was molested when I was 15 and having someone actually do it and acting it out are 2 different things. I hope it really never happens without you wanting to act it out because it will emotionally destroy you especially if it is a relative. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Hiya, I agree with the below answer. Maybe when you are sexually active and you have a steady boyfriend you can try out some fantasies, like bondage etc. You are not abnormal for thinking these things!!Xx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (28 August 2007):
 Hi,
I think its normal to have all kinds of thought's when you are growing up. Your mind tends to run a bit wild, and you cant help how you think.
But I can assure you that if you went through the experience (god forbid that you ever do) it would not be sexual, and you would not get over it for a long long time.
Perhaps something has put this in your mind, like a film or a book. And you have grabed onto the idea that its a sexual experience. But believe me its not!!
Rape has nothing to do with sex, its to do with the power and humiliation that a man can inflict on a woman, or man.
I dont think that your not normal, but try to have some nice fantacies.
XX take care
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A
female
reader, Just a Girl... +, writes (28 August 2007):
 hun have you had any kind of sexual experiences?? if not then it may just be that you feel like your sexuality is matureing and its not actually the rape your fantasiseing about but havin sex with sum1 who is in control. xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): no it's not normal but It's an fantasy I'm sure if it happened to you in real life you wouldn't be turned on by it, try to stop thinking of it in that way cause its sick.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I can't really say cause I have had some weird fantasies myself. I mean how do you think you would feel in real life if you got raped? You know that is a horrible experience right? I assume you are fantasizing about someone you like? Right? Who perhaps grabs you and does it to you with force, but you are enjoying it. I don't know how to explain it but I think I know your fantasy. I think?Maybe you are confusing rape with just rough kind of sexual fantasy. Is that possible?Have you ever been raped? Rape is like, imagine some gross old guy who you can't stand touching you and having sex with you against your will but you DON'T like it. If that is what your fantasies are like, then maybe you could see a therapist and get evaluated. That is what I always do when I am in doubt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Jessicajay, I suspect it is "normal". You are just becoming aware of your sexual feelings and are still probably a little confused. You may fantasize about a sexual contact in which you are "blameless", i.e., you did not initiate it, or consent to it. But you must not confuse fantasies with reality. You do not want to dwell too much on this. Rape is a violation and does not have anything to do with love, or really even desire. It is an act of violence in which the violator wants to humiliate and degrade. You should be aware of any intentions someone has toward you. There are some true pervs out there who would take advantage of girls your age. You should keep your friendships with the opposite sex to those your own age whom you know and trust. You will understand more about this as you mature. But don't worry overmuch. There is nothing "wrong" with you.
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