A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is intelligent and funny and fun to be with and we share many interests. What we don't share is his interest and committment to drinking on a daily basis, and at least 3 times a week being drunk to the point of slurring or slow speech. He changes completely and he is not the fun, sharp, intelligent guy I love. I can't talk to him when he's like that, it just annoys me. I don't agree with his drinking habits and I have told him that I can't tell him what to do but I must make choices for myself and my choice is not to be married to somebody who has these drinking habits, no matter how great they are sober. He isn't violent at all and I have never had cause to be afraid of that. But I find it very hard to have a normal chat on the phone when I can tell he is drunk. He misunderstands what I say and then there's an argument or he talks on and on without considering my phone bill. He is so great when he is sober, but after telling him that I have a problem with the drinking about 6 times this year, and nothing changes, I am feeling hopeless. He says he is sometimes a bit 'naughty' for drinking too much and he won't do it and then does the very next week. He gets angry and says I don't understand that he often has stress and when he is alone he drinks to handle it, which is actually untrue because he drinks to excess on fun occassions and when he is at my place not only when he is alone.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 I want to add that that this is a permanent addiction. Alcoholics can get sober and stay sober but they will always be alcoholics. He is the only one who can help himself, he has to make the choice to get help. You can nag him until you are blue in the face and it won't change a thing. My advice is to tell him to look you up when he has gone through treatment and has decided to remain sober. If you do go to a local Al-Anon meeting you will hear, in the first person, stories of what your future will be like if you stay with your boyfriend. Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (24 October 2014):
 I was married to an alcoholic. Its a life of hell, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My husband didn't drink when I married him so I had no warning of what could happen. You see the signs. He's an alcoholic. An alcoholic will lie to everyone especially themself saying that they can stop drinking anytime they want to. They can't.
Save yourself alot of heartache...end things now. Being married to an alcoholic is not a nice life. If you're lucky he's not a mean drunk. Mine was. I walked away before I lost myself and my sanity. I advise you to do the same.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 This sounds like alcoholism as was the case with my ex. This is an addiction and he needs professional help and treatment.If I were you id give him an ultimatum get treatment and ill support or refuse and i leave your life. It will get worse if you stick around.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2014):
 I am married to a man who like your boyfriend is an alcoholic.
Your BF does not have a DRINKING HABIT. He has an addiction. He drinks DAILY. He gets DRUNK at least 3 times a week.... he is an alcoholic. If he tried to quit cold turkey he would fail. He would have withdrawal symptoms and possibly die.
I suggest ending it for yourself. I also suggest that you find a local Al-Anon group to attend to get support for yourself.
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