A
female
age
30-35,
*mzarr
writes:My long distance boyfriend and I broke up in November 2012. We had been together for 4 years. We broke up 2 years into our relationship but got back together 3 months later.To begin with the feelings were mutual and we both agreed a break up would be best for both of us. A week later I changed my mind and desperately wanted him back. He kept saying no. He is clearly not interested in me anymore at all which of course hurts my feelings but i'm not going to keep pushing things.I don't know how to deal with my confused feelings though. I want him back so badly but I don't at the same time.We didn't have the healthiest relationship. I was a very jealous person and emotionally manipulative. He never had time for me because he was always with friends, at the gym, clubbing, working on his car, etc. When I would make him angry he would swear at me and call me names like psycho, sook, bitch, etc.July 2012 he forgot my birthday until the day before it. September 2012 I went with my gutt feeling and looked through his emails to find he was talking dirty to girls on the internet. I was visiting him at the time and while I was at his parents house alone, I packed my bags and left to go to my friends place. He was very distressed and we stayed together. His mum forgave me but his dad doesn't like me.Last year we spoke about moving in together this year but he wouldn't save his money, which was another issue for me. Now that we've broken up he and his friend are apparently moving in together later this year. I didn't want to move states to live with his parents because I couldn't relax or be myself around them.I also have depression and anxiety. When my parents split May 2011, the "IT" was never there for me. He told me I was depressing. He went drinking with his friends instead. I always told him I was never a priority of his. That would of course p*ss him off.But despite the horrible things in our relationship, I keep telling myself that I can change and we can make it work. I know he won't change but I keep thinking that if I change to make things easier then he would love me and want to be with me.Realistically it's stupid of me wanting to be with this one guy so much because there would be other guys out there who would treat me alot better.I just miss the good memories so much. We would play xbox together, have inside jokes, make up games, wrestle, do things together, say sweet things.I can't bring myself to date other guys, but I don't want to not bother with them either because I want them to distract me from my ex.Please help. I don't know what to do.Thank you to any one who takes the time to read this a post advice. I appreciate it so much.
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a break, broke up, clubbing, got back together, jealous, long distance, money, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Honey, you made the right decision. This guy is best forgotten. You need to force yoursel to socialise and see othe guys. This will definately help the healing process. You are pining not for the **S he is but what could have been.
Start living and keeping yourself busy, take up a hobby, join the gym. Anything that will keep you bus.
Dont call him, sms or look him up on facebook or any social media as that will hold you back and make you more depressed.
You need to pick yourself up and move forward.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 He's moved on and you need to too. Take the positives from what you've learned. There is someone better suited to you out there.
You need to be confident in who you are as a person before launching into another relationship else you'll bring all your emotional baggage with you.
Enjoy life and plan some life goals that don't depend on other people in order to fulfil them. Enjoy being you and learn to be content in any situation. This will stand you in goof stead.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (21 January 2013):
You are quiet right when you say you are confused and i can understand why. When confused do NOTHING but give yourself time and space to heal. Between your parents split up and a hurtful relationship no wonder you are depressed. Please remember when your boyfriend is cross with you IT DOES NOT GIVE HIM THE RIGHT TO CALL YOU NAMES.Do not allow anyone to call you names .Time will sort this out for you . Best Luck Nora B,
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (21 January 2013):
I'm so sorry that you have been having a distressing time.
However, you have summed up the problems in the relationship very well and indeed, it does look like there were big issues. He wasn't treating you well and you surely cannot have been happy with that, so why would you want to continue? The "cons" definitely outweigh the "pro's" from what you've said.
It must be because you want SOMEBODY. Somebody special and a connection is what you are missing. That is perfectly understandable. But I think that you would do well to concentrate on yourself for a while and see if you can improve your own mental state. You have stated that you are depressed and anxious so depending on how serious that is, you might benefit from medication or you could go down the exercise/healthy living/more activities route etc until you feel more positive.
Look after yourself and the rest will follow in time.
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