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I'm having a strong desire to run before I am hurt. What should I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 November 2009)
A age 51-59, * writes:

Feeling so uneasy with this. He didn't say he loves me back, and I'm afraid of how this is affecting me now. Yes, it's important that he treats me well, and he does. He says he doesn't want to jinx anything. Meanwhile, I'm having a strong desire to run before I am hurt. What should I do?

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A female reader, devastated2008 United States +, writes (10 November 2009):

devastated2008 agony auntThat's GREAT! So nice to hear happy endings.... or I mean happy beginnings!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He said I Love you back! He was worried it might change things, like we'd take each other or our relationship for granted. We promised to keep each other in check and make sure that doesn't happen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the replies. I am planning on having a talk with him this week, probably today. I will ask him why he feels he will jinx it and also will tell him how I feel.

Sex has also come to mean more than anything casual. If his plans are not working towards marriage and he can't even say he loves me, I will only get depressed continuing to have sex with him. I am going to suggest 6 months of dating, continuing to get to know each other, and time for him to figure out what he wants in his life. (He mentioned a couple of months ago that he doesn't know what he wants)

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A female reader, devastated2008 United States +, writes (9 November 2009):

devastated2008 agony auntI think CaringGuy is right... actions for men are what counts.

I think before you run, you should tell him what you said here. Don't expect any words of love or anything at all, but just say it straight up... "I am having a strong desire to run, before I am hurt."

Somehow, laying the truth right out there takes some of the fear out of it. And if you do decide to go well he had fair warning. Its also and opportunity for him to say "I feel the same way." and to talk about it if he wants.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2009):

Give this time. It takes a lot for a guy to commit himself to those words. They are a big thing to us men! And though when we are younger or immature we say them at the drop of a feather, when we are older and wiser, we don't. He is treating you well, so he does seem to care for you (men can be measured by what they do, not what they say). If he said he was worried about jinxing anything, the perhaps he has a bad time with relationships in the past. Why don't you try talking to him about it and asking why he feels he might jinx it. Give it time though.

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