A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm in desperate need of advice.I am an asian girl, 5 8, skinny and fit.I have been told I am pretty, sexy, hot many times by many of my friends, heard that guys have said this about my through word of mouth.I even tried online dating, aka okcupid.com, for a bit and got a ton of messages and guys talking to me (granted it is online dating :P).Even when I screw around online with many friends on sites like chatroulette and omegle, people, guys AND girls who are, evidently, lesbian or bi, pick me out and compliment me.Out on the street in the city or whatever, I can see people looking at me and random men calling me "sexy" or whatever. Older men have always approached me, asking me out or whatever. BUT! guys my age don't seem to take interest in me at all...I promise I am NOT a vain person because even with a lot of this supposed attention towards my looks, the guys at my college never seem to take a second look at me. They all go for these white, blonde girls or even just average looking girls.I do not understand what I'm doing wrong. I feel incredibly confused because no one pays attention to me at all and then out in the "real world" people do.Beyond that, guys my age or around my age don't really ask me on dates or anything. The youngest guy I've hooked up with is 24... Please help!I SWEAR! I'm not a vain person... I actually have really low self esteem because of this... What is going on here?!?If your going to say mean comments and think I'm an egotistical person whatever... you should know I've been dealing with these self images issues for a very very long time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of the responses are amazing and quite insightful. Thank you all for being so considerate and helpful!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 The clear answer here is that the guys your age at college are looking for a different style of woman, and you don't fit into what they are attracted to. That doesn't mean you are not attractive, as you already know you definitely are. You're just not what they college guys at your college are looking for.
I suggest you try a different type of group, I don't know exactly what group of guys at your college you are referring to, but try to aim yourself in at a different group. At schools you usually have certain groupings where like-minded people mingle. So perhaps you need to find a group for the ones who think outside the box and will value you for your own beauty, and not go for the "standard" that seems to have developed at your college.
It could also be you are just too beautiful, and the little boys are scared to approach you. Maybe you come off as adult and serious, and they think they wont stand a chance. Boys try to not aim too high, they don't want to be shot down you know.
PS. As for college boys, as far as I've experienced they are immature and childish, and think like 16-year olds. You might be better off with someone a little older. College in the states seem just like high school to me. That could also be a reason why you can't find boys your age, they are just too immature for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): It might be because the guys your age are a bit shy and nervous about approaching you. If you are very attractive, and from what you have said a lot of people think you are, they may feel they don't have a chance with you. Over the internet, it is less scary to talk to people and say compliments, which may be why you get a lot of positive responses on there. And as for older men approaching you, they are probably more secure and confident in themselves than younger guys.
I think that may be what is going on here, and it is not anything to do with you personally. Try smiling at guys your own age, and see if they smile back. Even if they don't, keep trying. If they see you are friendly, they may be less afraid to approach you. It is difficult if you have low self-esteem, but try and think of these guys as being very shy, and think of ways you could help them feel more at ease. Just generally being open and friendly usually works, simple things like smiling and saying hello. Again, I know that can be scary. But guys feel just as insecure and nervous as girls too.
The same thing used to happen to me when I was younger, only older guys would approach me. But as I have got older, it has balanced itself out, and now guys my own age will also approach me. I really think it is an issue of their own insecurities, and not because there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 Hi well maybe guys your college might just be shy. Ok so you have self asteem issues but i hope deep down you know that you are pretty, try and regain your confidence, because when someone is confident it shows and men like this. Is there any guy in your college that you find attractive? If so why dont you try and spark up a conversation and get to know him, it shouldnt always be left to the man to do the work, if you find someone that you like then you go to him and try and get to know him. goodluck.
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A
female
reader, absolutelyinsane  +, writes (13 November 2010):
Chill. NOTHING is wrong with you. Just because you're getting attention elsewhere, doesn't mean you can't get attention from "guys at your college". I hate to say this, but this isn't about your looks. It's about your ego. You get attention, just not where you want it. But don't worry, it will come. And besides, you shouldn't focus too much on attention. It's ok to like attention but you shouldn't worry about it so much. It should be the least of your worries, really. If people compliment you, believe it. If people don't. Who cares? You shouldn't. It's not your problem. Wishing you all the best.
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