A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex have been broken up since March 2010. We were together for an on/off romance for about 3 years. But we fought a lot and we handled them the wrong way. But I made a mistake. I let myself become his "booty-call" and it kept recurring. After, I'd just stop. But I didn't have a sense of closure. I simply would just stop trying to talk to him. But he would always talk to me. It was always when I wanted out, that he'd keep knocking on my door. Then suddenly, he likes this girl. They do all the loveydovey holding hands, snuggling etc. But he doesn't want me to leave. I told him I would leave for my benefit and theirs. But he keeps holding on. And sometimes, we'd sleep together... Even if he knew he shouldnt. Even if I know I shouldn't.What does this mean? I don't understand why he would do this to some girl he likes? Please help me figure things out. Because I've tried talking to the guy but he never takes me seriously. Everytime I say I gotta go, he gets all angry and defensive or he just goes "whatever" like its nothing and talks to me the next day. Please help me think straight. I need another perspective.
View related questions:
booty call, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Glad to help OP.
As regards the girl don't tell her anything.
Bare with me a moment. What I'm about to say might sound cold hearted, callous and selfish because it is but it's designed to protect you and make sure you get out of this as easily as possible. Don't tell her because firstly having her will mean he will be less likely to keep pestering you, it will make it easier for you cut contact with him because, you going won't be as bad because he'll have her.
Secondly you can use the threat of telling her to keep him away from you. You can tell him to leave you alone or you'll tell her what's going on but if he stays away you'll keep your mouth shut.
I really don't like giving that kind of advice OP trust me, I think the 'right' thing to do is tell her but you need to think of you first, you need to get out of this. You haven't been able to for months now. This is not the first time you've reached this point but he's always managed to convince you to come back. If you tell this girl what's going on and she dumps him, who do you think he's going to turn to once she's gone? He would be able to focus all his attention on sweet talking you again and from the sounds of things you find it very hard to resist him.
I think you know he's not going to give up without a fight (because what he has with you is just too perfect for a player like him) so I do think it will come down to you having to tell her anyway. But try and sort yourself out first, don't worry about her she'll figure things out on her own or from someone else. You don't need to get involved. In fact you need to completely separate yourself from his life and completely cut him off. So getting entangled in that relationship is just going to bring unneeded attention and drama your way when the best thing to do is slip out the back door quietly.
Last but not least, don't feel bad about any of this OP, don't think less of yourself for being in this situation just be glad you're finally putting an end to it. This will be the final time you have to deal with him because anytime he contacts you, you will ignore him. You will block him on everything and he'll be out of your life. Don't listen to or respond to anything.
Best of luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): i am glad you might consider moving on from this guy. However i dont see it as your role to tell the other girl he is cheating. That's her problem with him. The messenger is never appreciated when the message is bad. Don't get involved at that end, it can seem spiteful revenge, more than anything. Exspend your energy on energizing your own life and miving on. I don't think there is any future for you with this current guy
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses! I am truly thankful. I've known this for a while. And people tell me that I should tell his new girl about this. I am not too sure whether this is a good idea... But I have decided I definitely want to cut complete communication with him. Thank you all. And if there is anything else to add, please don't hesitate to do so.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): magnificent answer from Cerebus. I was hoping a man would answer the question. But his answer was totally pertinent in every way. well done multi star answer
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): CERBERUS..well what an excellent, direct, open honest reply!
And I thought it was only me who gave such direct answers without the frills!
I hope this young lady thinks about your points as there spot on..So I agree with all your advice, which leave me nothing to add!
Jilly
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Why would he take you seriously when he can get you to open your legs anytime he wants, when that is all he wants from you?
You're his booty call and that's it. He gets to have sex with you whenever he wants and he doesn't have to work very hard to get it. Why would he give that up when he knows you'll just keep on letting him?
Something tells me a lot of why your relationship failed was that you're just a piece of ass to him. A girl he can turn to for sex and even now he can just do and say a couple of things and you open the door to him again. He's moved on and he knows that as long as he keeps pestering you, your feelings for him will make sure that he always has a nice easy lay waiting for him to come back to. He needs to make sure he does just enough so he can keep you from moving on. Since March this year he's had you wrapped around his finger. That means the whole summer he's been out having fun with other girls, trying to date, asking girls out, but keeping you in his pocket for sex whenever he's in the mood.
He's using you for sex while he goes and dates other women looking for a woman to fall in love with.
The fact he's with another girl and he's cheating on her from the start tells you what kind of guy he is, it also tells you what you mean to him, which is nothing. You're a nice warm piece of flesh that he neither respects nor cares about.
He doesn't want to be with you, he's not going to get back together with you, you know this, yet you won't move on. To him you're just a doormat. A girl he can walk all over and not care about, because you don't care enough about yourself to truly move on from this guy and find one that respects and loves you.
If I were you I'd have a long hard think if this is actually how you want to live your life. You have to really think hard about whether continuing to be this guys human masturbation tool is good for you. Let me make this clear to you, if he really cared about you, he'd let you move on, he'd leave you alone to be happy with someone else but he won't, he's playing you and he's laughing at you.
Do you feel good with this situation OP? What are you getting out of it? You're stuck in a situation unable to move on, feeding from the small scraps that he gives you but in fact all he's doing is taking.
If all you wanted from him is sex too, then there isn't really a problem but the fact your asking these questions and don't feel good about this tells me that you're not happy with this situation at all. So why are you tolerating it? Why are you letting him take away your dignity, pride and self respect? Is it because you're too scared to be alone, you love him, he's just that good in bed etc? Ask yourself that question OP and when you figure out the answer, ask yourself is it really worth it for a guy you have no hope of anything with in the future because he's a player.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Sit down and assess your life. What do you really want. What are the chances of reaching those goals if you continue accepting the current situation? Surely you deserve a loving, faithful committed relationship with a man who treasurs you, loves and cares for you, and is faithful to you. Surely you deserve to be cared for, spend lots of time together, develop your life together? But with this current occasional man You are no longer his ''lady''. You are just an available willing occasional sexual partner because you have failed to end it with him. He's ended it with you. If you are willing to position yourself as un unpaid sex worker, available for an appointment when he chooses then continue to be used. But i am rather hoping that you will realise that you are above being debased by this disrespectful man. first clue that a person does not respect you: they answer your remarks with the one word reply of, ''whatever''. It is a slap in the face reply. It says the person does not care one iota about you. It says the person has no interest in what you want. next clue: he has moved on to another main partner. You are now a side dish and secomd best to him.
...............................
|
