A
female
age
30-35,
*ooConfused11
writes:Hello everyone ive been having trouble accepting my boyfriends addiction to ahemale porn and crossdressing fetishes. Its caused him to lie to me hide things from me. I know ive not made it very easy to.express to me but all ive asked if him is to include me when he's having these.fantasies but he never does! He goes in the bathroom to watch shemale porn and masterbate when I fall asleep or when were having a disagreement ive tried sooo hard to accept everything ive gone as far as ordering sex toys wigs etc... We've had multiple arguments about him hiding it from me if I accept it why hide it? I have 4 sisters and when they come over he steals their underwear but tells me about it... He has more cute outfits for himself than ive ever had how can I make myself ok with this? Hes the father of my 2 children and I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me more than anything. If anybody has been in a similar situation please help me!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2012):
 The only concern I have is the stealing of your sisters underwear… that’s wrong on many levels.
You are doing everything you can to let him live his life openly in your home and he’s avoiding this. Part of his thrill might be that he wants to feel he’s being “bad” and your accepting of his behavior takes that thrill away.
Are you two in couples therapy for this? Is he interested in exploring on his own why he feels the need to hide this behavior and why he has to steal from your family? Both of those things would be mandatory for me at this point in order to stay.
FWIW my partner was cross dressing when we met... and I said FINE... and even watched him dress for me... he has a drawer of stuff... and I loved it... he's stopped doing it since he moved in with me.. so I don't quite totally get it but I'm familiar with it.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Why would you want to make yourself okay with this? It's not normal; he's got serious problems and the longer you stay with him the more messed up your head will be. This guy probably has no business being in a hetrosexual relationship to begin with. It's like trying to fit a round told into a square peg; they don't fit together and they never will. He has different needs and you would be wise to start easing yourself out of this relationship before it crashes and burns and takes you with it. Don't you want a normal life with a guy who will behave like a man? Think of the things you're missing out on by being with him. And you are the only one making the sacrifices and bearing the shame of this weird relationship. Get out honey and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Hi,
I haven't been in a similar situation but I'd like to suggest you one thing: speak to him and ask him to be honest and open about how he feels and what he does as a consequence. You may not like what you'll hear but at least you'll know what is on his mind and decide whether this could be part of your relationship without damaging it or not e.g. experimenting with a shemale, or gay sex. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (7 March 2012):
 This situation isn't normal by definition, but it is more common than you would think. Many people enjoy blending the two sexes in their personality. Sometimes this is the only way they can find balance.It is easier for women, because if we feel the need to be more masculine we can just put on men's clothes no problem! Men, on the other hand, are more stigmatized. They are judged and degraded if they express their femininity. Your hubby is perfectly fine, as you said he loves you very much and you him. It may take him awhile to become comfortable sharing these fantasies with you, so just keep being encouraging but don't be forceful. He probably has a hard time even accepting himself and his own desires, let alone being comfortable sharing them. Do your best to be playful and understanding.Much love and Best wishes
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