A
female
age
30-35,
*abymamma626
writes:Sometimes I feel extremely unhappy with my lover mostly because I feel that he is neglecting me on an emotional level. Physically he cares for me superbly and I could't ask for someone better. He buys me everything I could want and/or need. He has bought everything that we could possibly need and more for our unborn child. He feeds me and he continues to work and go to college to support his new family, but when it comes to my extreme need for emotional support I feel he just isn't on the same level as me. For example, when he gets angry (he has a SEVERE anger problem) he is so easy to just insult me and our relationship by saying, "I'm not in love with you, I'm not happy, We have nothing in common, blah blah blah blah blah.." He talks out his ass so much. When I've broken down and cried because having things like that said to you when you are pregnant (even if you aren't) really hurts. Then out of no where he will say, I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean that. And then he just expects me to forget that anything has ever happened and I am just supposed to embrace "us" again. He just acts as if everything is okay and I will question him and say, "so what now, am i just supposed to move on and forget everything that has just happened and everything that was just said?" He says, "its done now come here I love you." I just don't understand? I mean I kind of have an idea because he had a really hard childhood because he didn't fit in so he has not developed all the social skills that normal people do, but i feel because he is 20 he should be old enough to know better? This story could get long, I'm sorry, but I need to get it off of my chest!!! I love him with all my heart and I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER say some of the cruel and hurtful things he does when he is mad because I love our relationship for the most part and it means too much to me to just beat on it the way he does. He only does this when he is angry. His excuse is that he doesn't know how to communicate right? But even when he is not angry and I feel our relationship is going great and I feel happy somehow I feel I want more. He has great intentions and he has a good heart overall but there are just a few things about him that REALLY BUG ME!!!!!!!!!! His anger, the fact that he can be so negative sometimes (that all in itself depresses me cuz I am constantly having to build back up his self-esteem) I just feel lost right now :( Being as young as I am and having a child and being in love is all very confusing. I feel that I am very mature for dealing with all of this but now that I have a baby and a man to care for physically AND emotionally when will I ever have time for myself again? I've always been the nurturing type (the care-taker) so this comes natural to me, but i also used to be a little hottie and I had a great body and I was fun and outgoing...now I just sit at home every day waiting for him to get off work and then we both sit at home and hang out together...its always just me and him and soon the baby. My body I feel has been invaded by an alien and I've put on weight and I have stretch marks now. :( OMG I guess you could say I'm quite depressed. I don't have anyone to hang out with any more really because the crowd me and him used to run around with are party animals and we can't live like that anymore having a baby. I never get spiffed up anymore and look great because I feel fat anyways so what's the point. I am a mess. NO ONE PUT A WARNING ON THE WHOLE PREGNANCY LABEL! LOL!
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depressed, his ex, I love you, move on, my ex, stretch marks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Fair enough babymama,
But I hope I provided some usefull advice and things can improve for you. Take care of you and the baby and good luck.
A
female
reader, babymamma626 +, writes (23 May 2008):
babymamma626 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I didn't write that title sorry if you felt it was misleading.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Your post was misleading. You know your partner is not neglecting you. You know he loves you, he takes care of you, he buys you everything you and the baby could ever need. You know he's also got temper issues and you know how to handle them.
Of course you "WOULD NEVER EVER EVER" say some of the cruel and hurtful things... But he dose and you know how to deal with it. You need to sort that out though, he needs to go to anger management, because it's not right for him to use words to hurt you in this way.
No the real problem is you feel, fat and ugly and bored sitting waiting for the baby to come. You sit around a home "every day waiting for him to get off work and then we both sit at home and hang out together...its always just me and him". Seems pretty boring to me. Sitting around with only my man for company 24/7. But he comes home because he loves you and he shows it by spending time with you.
Find something interesting to do with yourself, start planning for the baby, visit your girlfriends, visit your mother, join a mother-toddler group and start helping out, start reading up on the Roman empire and write a book.
I don't know what else you want from this man (except for him to learn to control his temper) I don't know what he could do to make you feel happier and at ease about the pregnancy. Will it help if he says I love you even more? Find something to do with yourself and take some of the obvious stress of your relationship. Be glad your bored, soon you will be too busy to think....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Your post was misleading. You know your partner is not neglecting you. You know he loves you, he takes care of you, he buys you everything you and the baby could ever need. You know he's also got temper issues and you know how to handle them.
Of course you "WOULD NEVER EVER EVER" say some of the cruel and hurtful things... But he dose and you know how to deal with it. You need to sort that out though, he needs to go to anger management, because it's not right for him to use words to hurt you in this way.
No the real problem is you feel, fat and ugly and bored sitting waiting for the baby to come. You sit around a home "every day waiting for him to get off work and then we both sit at home and hang out together...its always just me and him". Seems pretty boring to me. Sitting around with only my man for company 24/7. But he comes home because he loves you and he shows it by spending time with you.
Find something interesting to do with yourself, start planning for the baby, visit your girlfriends, visit your mother, join a mother-toddler group and start helping out, start reading up on the Roman empire and write a book.
I don't know what else you want from this man (except for him to learn to control his temper) I don't know what he could do to make you feel happier and at ease about the pregnancy. Will it help if he says I love you even more? Find something to do with yourself and take some of the obvious stress of your relationship. Be glad your bored, soon you will be too busy to think....
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Dear poster, your husband isn't neglecting you, not even at an emotional level. He has a problem controlling his anger and checking what he says before he speaks; but he isn't neglecting you. Perhaps you need more affection than he shows, but, you also would need to bear in mind that he's out studying and working. I assume he gets tired and perhaps has failed to notice you want more affection. Have you tried telling this to him? I don't think his telling you that he can't communicate is an excuse. That sure is his problem. Of course, he needs to try to communicate well.
Your baby is not an alien, and he or she is not to blame for the change that his/her birth will bring into your lives. You and your husband had sex, and you two decided to have a baby. Anything that happens because of that, is your thing. The parties, late night arrivals at home, all that is gone. It has to some day, you know? You can't live all of your life as you do when you're eighteen. What's more, you won't want to live like that.
Many women are very right in complaining that they don't have time for themselves, and need to take care of a million things and other people before themselves. This is so right. I guess you need to make a conscious decision to spare some time for yourself. If you aren't the first to demand that and actually give yourself that time, nobody will. Everyone will want mommy to take care of everything. Find some things to do. And do it forever, because one day that baby will leave, to live his own life, and you might be alone by then.
Take much care.
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