A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have had a crush on a man who is off limits for about 2 1/2 years. I'm in a relationship thats been going on for almost 10 years and I have never had a crush like this. This guy is in our group of friends and a good friend of my boyfriend. (He's single but not like that matters) I see this man every week when "the gang" gets together, so it's been hard to just avoid him. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship, or my group of friends. Really I don't want to make a big deal about it, but it seems like every time I tell myself, "no this is not going to effect me", I see him and completely freeze up inside. I forget how to act normally, then get really depressed about it. Sometimes I've even said things to him that might have been hurtful (unintentionally - like make fun of him) because I'm not sure how to deal with these feelings. Worse yet, I think he has the same feelings for me. It almost seems like we both don't want to feel this way, don't want to approach the subject (of course), and don't want to jeopardize our circle of friends.This whole thing is so stupid, he not even physically that attractive. Even if I was single I'd ask myself what the hell was up with these feelings. I really want to be able to relax and not feel completely transparent when he is around. Even when I'm not trying to, I'm flirting with disaster.Any advice on dealing with this situation?Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Welcome to life! Just because you're a married woman doesn't mean you don't experience crushes on other men. It's normal.
Since you want to preserve the relationship with your significant other, don't engage in behaviors that give the crush energy.
Engaging in behaviors that signal a lack of interest will change your feelings towards your crush. Also, he will notice and be less flirtatious and so the energy will disparate from the crush and you will both feel less infatuated.
Although it doesn't seem like it at the present, take away it's energy and with time a crush will fade and become a memory of your past just like any ex-crush.
A good relationship take a lot of effort to build and is easy to wreck.
You can do it.
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