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female
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anonymous
writes: Lately I have noticed that whenever I venture to a club or bar the only males who seem to be attracted to me or hit on me are unnatractive. I am a good-looking girl and apparently too nice. How do I attract the man for me, instead of Herman Munster? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2007):
Well theres 3 reasons:
(1) Maybe your not very good looking to them, so these average looking men hit on you, as they consider you to be just that, as good looking as them. Handsome/attractive men hit on average looking women if they are after one thing.
(2) Very good looking-handsome men hit on equally attractive ladies, and usually one just one thing from them or maybe something special, depends on how the ladies treat themselves with respect, or maybe a casual fling.
(3) These average men, well they probably see a "nice" quality in you just by the way you look, so these average men who ARE "better" and who are likely to treat you with respect, and have more going for them are likely to offer you alot more than a handsome men ever will. A handsome man canjust offer you his pride and joy!
Good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): I was always turned down supposedly , I had a no build, others would say , they liked that i had low self esteem and wanted to make it worse... today.. im 100% better looking but guess what... Im married and not to an american.. American women either want money, looks, criminals, or male sluts... Shape up and grow up...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): like u see yourself very attractive..those guys themselve feels that they're too very attractive. Perheps u need to find another brand of mirror to look yourself again. :))
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2006): Men almost always approach women they find attractive. It must be that the men you find attractive are not interested in you.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vincenzo +, writes (16 October 2005):
Get over yourself!
The really good looking guys dont go chasing girls because the girls chase them! And you know what? Most if not all of them will be just like you....so preoccupied by looks that once he has shagged you he'll want to find something better...
Try judging a man by his character and not just his looks...you'll end up much happier and fullfilled..
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): The only way to find a good quality, healthy relationship is to set your expectations high and not accept anything less. But this does not necessarily mean physical appearances, although that is always icing on the cake if you can get that. The high expectation I speak about are the inner qualities inside this person you seek. Take that into consideration..a lot of handsome men are jerks and I think you know that. But make sure if you have high standards, you can bet the guy you seek will have high standards, himself. So the only way to have a healthy relationship is to be a good quality, healthy person, yourself.
A lot of times, past baggage holds women back from finding the "nice" guys. For most women it's a mixture of past hurts, past failures, fear of rejection, fear of men, conflicting beliefs, and other internalized 'blocks' that keep them from really connecting with good men on an emotional level. The women usually come up with excuses like, "I always attract the wrong kind of man." or "There are no good men left." Hogwash! They are out there-just have to look harder.
The key is to recognizing a great guy..is learning exactly 'what' you want so that you'll recognize him when he's right in front of you. It will take practice to learn this skill but eventually you'll be able to spot the good qualities sooner. It could be possible that you may have met him already, but girl, you are so focused on physical appearance, he likely was shot down before he had a chance to let you see his great qualities. Plus a good point the other reader said, you are likely not going to meet him in a bar or a club. That's just a disaster waiting to happen when you venture into a meat market where male testosterone is intermixed with alcohol..yikes! Hun, the only way to find a good partner is to look for a man who considers commitment to his partner a big priority. That alone will separate him from the immature men you've likely have had experience with.
Try not to focus in on looks and see the guy for who he truely is...what makes him tick, his intellect, his wit, his compassion, his confidence. Look real hard and you never know, you may find him sooner than you think. Good luck, dear~and enjoy life and don't forget..have fun!
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 October 2005):
 Herman Munster? Hmmmm,I wonder if that's what Melinda said about Bill Gates?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): i agree with the above. Pops usually gives bad advice anyway! lol...I think that you need to be looking somewhere else. When guys get drunk, they think they can go after any girl and try to find the prettiest ones. Just take it as a compliment, but don't expect to form a relationship from someone you met at a bar.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (13 October 2005):
If you are so shallow that you are only interested in the pretty men, go and ask them out. But don't be surprised if they are not interested. They either have girlfriends already, or may be gay, and have a boyfriend they live with who would be insanely jealous if you tried to move in on his guy ! Really, what is wrong with dating normal looking guys? Don't you think you are being narcissistic?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): Well maybe the bar isn't the place to attract the man of your dreams. I bet all you get is alcoholics or brain damadged people coming to you. The reason why is because they want to use you. Men see women as a product, a peice of a**. You maybe have an passive attitude and men see that as they're way of taking advantage of you. They want to bring you down. Even the good looking ones will see you as a product. My advice is don't expect to find the man for you at the BAR or CLUB. Some nice looking men want to know they have a conservative woman with them, a woman who knows how to carry herself, meaning attitude, attire, and values, and that she takes care of herself.
I hope this was helpful and good luck, stay safe(celebate), and happy.
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