A
female
age
30-35,
*eartfield
writes:Okay, so I've been dating a guy for a little over a year now, and we're really happy together. We go to different schools (he's a freshman in high school and I'm in my last year of jr high) but we see each other as often as we can. Now, every summer I go to my dad's, and for the past two years, that's been in St Thomas, USVI. Last year when I went, I stayed for about 9 weeks, and he and I made it alright the whole time I was gone, mainly because the relationship was new and we weren't really attatched yet. In 4 more days, I'm leaving for this year's trip, which is also in St Thomas and only for 5 weeks this time, but my boyfriend is totally freaking out. He's been really depressed, and won't really talk to me about it. Every time I try to work it into the conversation he just changes the subject, or hangs up or whatever. This really worries me, because he sometimes won't eat or sleep, and he really needs to. I've promised him we'll talk every day, and that I'll talk to him online whenever I can, and lots of other things, but he just says it's not the same. He keeps saying he wants to break up with me over it, but he doesn't. How can I help him see that I'll be back, and nothing's going to change? And more importantly, how can I comfort him so that he'll sleep and eat like he needs to?He's spending the night Thursday because he's coming to see me off in Atlanta Saturday morning, and then going to his grandparents' who live there.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Look sweetheart you are doing the same thing you do every year which is spending some quality time with your dad, you have offered everything re staying in touch with your bf but that still isn't good enough.
Your dad is important in your life and all too soon you will be all grown up and won't want to spend time with him so don't jeopardise this quality time with your dad by worrying about your bf, if he keeps on threating to end things with you then he really isn't the bf you thought he was. You should not be going away feeling guilty or to spend the whole time you are away by staying in touch with your bf, that just isn't fair on your dad so there has to be a level of compromise here.
Your dad has been in your life a lot longer than your bf and you are still very young, don't tie yourself to one boy as he could be gone within a few months and then the damage will be done, you are spending a lot less time with your dad this year compared to last year and it does make me ask the question as to whether your bf is just trying to play the guilt trip thing so that he can split with you while you are away so that he can see other girls?
Don't be made to feel guilty for wanting to be with your dad and don't make the promise of constant contact every day, online maybe and the odd conversation but you have to have that bonding time with your dad and your bf should understand that. If he is making you feel bad as he is not sleeping or eating then this is more to do with his self confidence and not yours. He is older than you and should start acting his age, you are the younger one in this relationship but you shouldn't have to act like the adult.
Don't promise the earth as he could then get all huffy if you can't contact him every day.
Enjoy your time with your dad and if he is any sort of bf this 5 weeks will pass quite quickly believe me.
BF's come and go but family is always there for us.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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