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female
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*ovelyfemaleca
writes: He says he loves me and never cheated on me. He gets upset when I ask, says I'm accusing. Yet we haven't made love for over a month. Has women friend and text messages them 15 and over times a day. Leaves late and says he has alot of work to do and returns in the morning. Crashes in bed with cloths on. Doesn't spend time with me but makes time for his friends. Says he doesn't want to leave me. Lock him out but he breaks in. Says he can't perform because of too much stress but yet who is he on the go go go with. Not along I'm sure. There's a women down the street sneaks over in morning over to my house while i'm sleeping to be with him. Now another has her friend call and then she talks to him. Sneaky. Is he cheating and how can I find out for sure?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2006): You are involved in a love relationship with a selfish, immature "little boy", hun and it's time for you to deal with the crap he's handed to you by being tough, strong and reality based. Accept that you may never get to the bottom of this, hun. Why bother? This emotional see-sawing is wearing you down. The trust is shattered-the respect is gone. He is out of control and I would tell him to leave. No reconciliations until he proves he's a better man and is trustworthy. No one should be permitted to blow up a loving relationship with their acting-out behaviors. You need to protect yourself. A good idea though, would be to end this relationship with the truth from him. But, whether he would have enough respect to give you that-I don't know, but by him 'finally' being honest with you, just might do him some good to face up to reality and devastation his underhanded, uncaring behaviours have caused the very woman, who loved and cherished him.
Learn from this, dear and in the future..hold out for the best man who would marry you and commit to you forever. Judging character traits and making informed choices about a mate seems far more better than by physical desire and overwhelming neediness that drives most relationship decisions today. In other words, before you ever hand your heart over to anyone..use your head and stay reality based. Hold out for the best...Good luck and again, I am sorry.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, aunt_bec! +, writes (7 January 2006):
 This is your man you deserve to know whats going on.
Youve got two choices you can get a really private detective to find out if hes cheating whcih could be pricey or you can take matters into your own hands take a wk off work without telling him pretend your going to work and observe what happens when your not there, follow him, check his clothes, check his phone and his phone bill but be prepared that you may discover something you wish you hadnt.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (7 January 2006):
 He is cheating on you because im sure these women are not round your fella for baking tips.He is treating you like dirt and you deserve better.He doesnt spend anytime with you,instead he is shagging about.Get rid of this man and meet someone who will treat you with more respect.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 January 2006):
 You shouldn't waste any more time worrying about whether or not he is cheating...he sounds like a jerk anyway. Dump his sorry ass and start looking for a decent guy you can actually enjoy being around. Life is to short to waste on losers.
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A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (7 January 2006):
 hey Girl,
It is clear that your man is up to no good and I think that yo need to confront him about it because if he has time for his friends and not for you, then something is wrong.
Try to find out as much information as you can about where he is like talking and asking his friends. Maybe invite them over and ask them questions about the times they go out. This would really put him on the spot.
Honesty and Communication are one of the key features of a good relationship. Remember try to be open minded he still maybe innocent. Have some hope.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (7 January 2006):
 Oh sweetie, whatever he is up to, you can be sure that it is something you dont want to know about, what with all the sneaking around, lack of communication and the strange women hanging around... not to mention the feeble excuses and secrecy going on.
I would say he is up to no good, but whether you decide you are not up for accepting this treatment from him, or whether you will put up with this, well...
you must decide... but I think he is being very successful at making a fool of you... I say take control of the situation and hang him out to dry!! Maybe the girl down the street will come rescue him... he's gonna need it.
He sounds immature and just all wrong for you, sweet.
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