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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I feel so alone. I feel unloved. Sometimes I dont know why im here. I never give, I only receive. In school, and everywhere else I have NO friends what-so-ever. At lunch and in class, I dont know where to sit. Because if I sit alone people think im weird, but if I sit with people I am weird. I sit with people that are nice, but I can tell they think im strange. I always have a wall up. At home and at school. I just cant be myself. I never go anywhere dont talk to anyone or anything. Today was the worst day ever. Today two girls walked in front of me then turned around and said "boo", while the other one said "yeah". Then in class this guy told his friend to sit next to him and said for the rest of us to go away. Then the worst, the last 5min. of school this guy that everyone calls a "fag" calledme ugly. Saying "have you seen your face?", "Your ugly do you know that?", then he just keeps staring at me. On the ride home I told my mom I had a bad day. Company was coming over later and I said I didnt want to see them. So mom just blew up and said "I dont give a shit anymore!" and other things like how she doesnt know why she tries. She told me "As soon as we get in go to your room and dont come out at all while they're here". She slammed the doors. And she told my sister that she could go hide in the room like I do. Everyday is like this, me and my sisters dont get along, my mom doesnt listen and I dont see my dad. Im all alone. All I do is stay in my room all weekend, 24/7. I think im depressed. My mom has mentioned it to me before. I think things will get better in high school because I think people just dont care and they might leave me alone. But im worried. I want to have friends, esoecially in high school. I dont want to be alone for the rest of my life, but i truly think i will. And pleased no answers about how I need to talk more because I do talk, nobody listens. Dont say anything about "Oh,dont worry you'll get friends", because I know that doesnt happen. What can I do? I've become such a negative person. I dont mind, but im afraid other people do. Am I depressed? I believe everything everyone says to me, every insult, every word, and I just take it all in. And im sick and tired of everyones shit, everyone needs to stop talking trash about people because its so stupid and immature, it just goes to show how shallow those kinds of people are. I feel so alone and dont know what to do. I feel like im going insane.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. I dont want to be a part of the "in-crowd". And I guess I do come across as moody and feel like im better than everybody else because I thought it would make people not make fun of me, its because of my insecurities. Me and my sister dont get along because I believe she has anger issues. All you have to do is look at her the wrong way and she'll just blow up. My mom always asks me how my day went and I usually say "fine", I dont feel comfortable talking to her or anybody else. Whenever that guy said I was ugly I defended myself saying "If you dont like the way someone looks, why do you say anything, why do you stare?". My mom apologized about the other day. She said I didnt have 2go 2 school monday and we could go shopping for new clothes because its something we have been tallking about for awhile [I dont have many clothes]. But I dont know if I should, because it would be like giving up. I dont know if it makes much sense, but I still feel depressed. I know whats wrong with me, thats the problem. I am very grateful for everyones answers, it all makes sense. Thank you so much. Thanx
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 Stop worrying about what others think. That's where I feel a lot of your insanity comes from. At your age, often we define ourselves off what others see us as or say that we are. The truth only lies within how you feel about who you are. It doesn't matter what others think, and when you make friends, they will like you for who you are, as long as you remain unchanged, trying to please others.
I remember when I was in school, and people would give nerds and brainy kids a hard time. I remember thinking how they should be nice, because some day that brainy kid may own the company they wish to work for. Why is your mom ready to give up? How much drama do you bring home. Sometimes, parents get tired of, "so and so did this, and this one is dating that one, oh, this one broke up with that one and guess who's cheating on who." What's forgotten is that the drama is part of your life, and it is real, just as if affects you and can cause anxiety and depression. I don't know???? Try looking at it as you are the one who is okay, everyone is is off balance.
You are absolutely right, and what's happening, young lady, is that you are maturing and growing up. It is stupid, immature and shows how shallow people can be. You recognize that and aren't taking part in what they're doing, so you are on your way to adult maturity, unfortunately these others have not begun or are behind you with their level of maturity. They will grow up at some point, and for each it is different. This is why you feel alone. Be proud of who you are becoming and that you are not willing to take part in this drama. That is one of the greatest characteristics you will have going into adulthood. How you view how others treat people will make life so much easier for you as an adult, because you'll be far less dramatized than others who never did grow out of it.
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A
female
reader, xxbuggabu24xx +, writes (11 September 2010):
 Im still where you are. No one really ever understands what people are going thru because its always different with people and different situations. But ican tell you that you are not alone. There are ALOT of people that are feeling the way you feel. Ive felt the same way for years. Im now 20 and im trying to different things in my life that make me happy. I know that im not really a people person that i dont do good at parties or clubs so i play piano or paint or write or read. I have a few friends maybe 2-3 that i hang out with here and there and talk to. I will tell you that if you think being on the "in-crowd" is fun your wrong. They usually turn to drugs, eating disorders, sex, all kinds of things because of pressure to have attention that they used to get that they dotn anymore. Also in school i knew everyone i had conversations with ppl but when school ended guess who was there?! My twin sister and my 1 friend. My point is dont worry about ppl liking you or talking to you or calling you names just be yourself find out what makes you happy what you like doing and go from there. Only you can make yourself happy and once people see you are happy and confident ppl will respect you and leave you alone and if they dont it wont matter to you because you wont need them to make you happy. You'll start attracting the right kind of crowd! Good luck. Remember your not alone.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (11 September 2010):
 you are not alone, in fact you just described myself at your age. Assuming you're 15, not 13 or 14. But when I was 15 I guess I had one friend, but behind my back people called me 'jenny's shadow'.
I remember hating lunch period, I'd find excuses to go to the library instead, and if I did go to lunch I refused to sat alone because it would be me admitting that I had no friends to sit next to. I sat with these two girls who were nice, but like you said about yourself, I knew they too thought I was weird.
I also remember one time there was a pep rally and I realized I had no where to sit. My only friend was in the band and she had to sit with the band. (btw, she had friends and they thought I was weird). I remember starting to bawl and ran out of the room so no one saw and I ended up running into the nurse, gave her a bullcrap story about how I don't feel good and needed to leave. She believed me, maybe not, because I used the nurse as an out a lot. If I felt like an outcast I ran to the nurse. I went home, my parents let me.
At home I spent a lot of time on my own, I remember decorating my walls with magazine ads and getting enthralled with the tv show Charmed, then I thought I was a witch...which only made things worse for me. I gave a speech about Wicca and then the other people in school strayed away from me even further.
My home life was terrible as well, my dad and mom were on a verge of divorce, I really needed someone to talk to.
Let me tell you, I relate to you so much from what you say here. I used to think I was abnormal, that something wasn't right with me, why didn't people like me? What was I doing wrong? All I wanted was a good friend, and don't get me wrong Jenny was a good friend but she did have other friends and I grew jealous of that. I had old friends who I'd pass in the hall and say "look, Lizzie is walking by herself what a loser"...kids can be plain mean.
But there is hope for you. I'm 22, I am out of my 'i'm a witch' phase and I'm not depressed anymore. yes, I was depressed. I didn't know that at the time and my parents were too wrapped up in their own drama to notice, of course I had no friends to be there for me. So I had to overcome that on my own, without even knowing I was depressed. there were days I wished I could disappear, go to a new school or be someone else.
It took ONE girl to befriend me to get me out of that stage of my life, she made a lot of difference by being nice to me that day, we became friends and I slowly grew out of that state of depression. Outside things changed as well in my life, like my parents working out their issues instead of getting a divorce. I began to realize that I was worth something and I really focused on being proud of myself, even if I knew it was a hard thing for me to do.
Of course, my situation is personal and so is yours. Each is different, but I can relate to everything you're feeling right now. I want to let you know that once you're out of high school you are free. You aren't trapped in that little bubble of school anymore, I remember reminding myself of that almost everyday that someday I'll be happier once I'm out of high school. And I am, that experience made me realize that I can make it through anything and that circumstances do change.
and I know you told people not to say 'oh, don't worry, you'll get friends' but you will someday. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for months, but someday you will have friends. I was basically friendless for a year and a half. at the time it seems like FOREVER, but its not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): I can totally relate, sometimes it just feels like everyone is out to get you and it can be hard to deal with. You should try talking to a school counselor or even tell your mother how you are feeling. Don't be embarresed, you're not weird.I had the same problems in school I had learning problems and ADHD, and I still suffer from social anxiety. As for the mean kids at school , they are just immature. You are better than them and you should know it. Don't believe a word they say hold your head up high... You deserve to. One day you will look back on it and laugh. Try maybe joining some clubs at school and meeting some people with the same interests as you. That may help, or some sort of sports team. You'll be okay, you may be depressed but just remember that when things are at their worst things can and always will get better. Everyone feels depressed at one time or another, you'll get through it. Believe in yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): Well, I often felt weird growing up, but I always managed to find a group of kids at school nice enough to let me eat lunch with them... and even then I STILL felt weird. Now looking back on it I know that I wasn't weird... the only thing that made me weird was the fact that I was so insecure about myself, if you understand what I mean. You think you're weird, so it shows... despite that, the vast marjority of the time I did have lunch buddies at school. I think that one thing that could help you a lot is to understand that you need to stop feeling strange in your own skin. It is only a feeling, it is an illusion you have in your own mind. It is not true. But sometimes if you let it show, some kids that are mean, pick up on your signals of fear and take advantage of it to call you names. Understand that it is THOSE kids, not you who have something wrong with them. You are a nice person, just way too insecure. Trust me when I tell you this, that I felt the same way. Why do you feel this way, btw? Is it just your own personality do you think, or is it something that has happened to you in your life to make you insecure? I know that for me it was a combination of my own innate shyness combined with moving around a lot as a child, combined with my parents controlling attitude, AND the fact that we were poor and I never had stylish clothes to wear or a decent house to invite friends to. Despite all this, despite my insecurity which showed so clearly on my face, there were still people nice enough to befriend me. Nice people are out there. Don't give up. And just simply try to get along better with your mom and sister. As in, have a more positive attitude. A positive attitude is contagious, and a negative attitude... well no one wants to be around that. Good luck sweetie.
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