A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what I want to ask... so I'll just type...I am confused and unhappy in my relationship of over 2 years. I love him and he loves me. I just feel really lonely when I'm with him often, because he likes to spend as much time as he possibly can, when he isn't at work, playing online computer games. He plays with a bunch of friends, and he has a great laugh with them.I don't know whether I am simply being too needy and jealous, but I sometimes feel that he cares more about them, than me. He would much rather talk to them and play games with them, than do anything with me, it seems.Often he will stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning to play with his friends at the weekends, rather than come to bed with me. If we do, do something together on a weekend, like watch a film or go out, once we're done, he'll go back to playing the games until 3 am before coming to bed. So I feel like, he can't give me his full attention, he's always thinking of gaming.We have spoken about this, I believe he feels I just want to stop him having fun. Which is completely NOT true, I just want to have fun with him. But when he plays games it completly shuts me out.I want to talk to him about this, because I feel we have something worth fighting for, but I am unsure how to broach the subject. I am afraid he will get defensive. In the past he just laughs at me, when I want him to come to bed with me. He makes me feel like I'm being silly and needy. Am I? I would just like him to spend an evening with me and show me he cares about me and still fancies me. Because the sex life has dropped right down to.He talks about how he should give me more sex and attention sometimes, and I am very patient, but it seems all he will do is talk about giving me what I need, but seems unwilling, or reluctant to do so. We used to have a great love life and the connection is still there. But it's very rarely there now. Like for a few minutes a day, then he'll go back to gamer mode. It's so boring and sad, and I don't think I am able to verbalise my feelings and assert myself enough for him to understand, without just thinking I'm a nag and needy. The last time we talked about this, I managed to say i was unhappy, and he said, "I know what you want, you want me to spend every moment of the day with you, and have sex with you 3 times a day". I was angry because, he must think I'm so needy, to think that's what i want. I don't want that, I just want to get our connection back. We have sex twice a month now, and the last 2 times we didn't even finnish, because he lost his erection and then I lost the vibe. He'll talk about this but seems unwilling to just try and have sex more, to spend more time doing things, I know will bring us closer. But all he really wants to do is play games with his friends. i feel he loves them, his best online friend in particular, more than me.I go through this and it sounds really sad. Why do i stay? When we do speak and connect though, we do have an amazing bond. I just don't know anymore. It feels liek he is starting to see me as a "nagging woman" like his previous girlfriends. He sees me as just a pain in the arse. Thats how I feel. Im so unhappy. But when he gets off the games and spends time with me, I wonder if I'm just being needy. Maybe I just need to fill up my free time with something. I dont just sit waiting for him btw, I go out and do my own thing. But I would just like to spend some quality time together in the evening, without feeling i have to compete with his online friends. Like if I'm not fun enough, or if I cant find something to do together thats better than games, he's gonna ignore me to play games. Man I am such a fool. Why do i always love a guy more than they love me? Is this my curse?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 If he's into World of Warcraft you're not getting him off of it. I had the same problem with my husband, WoW was affecting our marriage and time spent together..He would come home from work, get on WoW only to get off to shit, eat, and shower then it was bed time. Some nights he couldn't sleep he would get up and go downstairs to play it. At first it didn't bother me then it seemed like it was more of an obsession than a hobby. Then, I became the nagging, bitching wife who needed to occupy her time better. In fact, one of my new hobbies was being on here. Had gotten very angry one day and yelled at him, "WoW doesn't make your meals, do your laundry, kiss you, or have sex with you." Over time, he cut it down to maybe 2 hours a night that lasted for a week he went back to being on it all night, then finally the problem came to a head, we got into a huge fight he ended up breaking his laptop. No more WoW, but we're still paying off the loan for his $2,000 laptop. To top it off, he was going to try to download it on my MacBook but it will run too slow it. So in a sense I won until he buys another laptop, I refuse to let him have another one until he pays off that loan in another 5 months.
I totally understand you, but it's just going to have to boil down to you getting a hobby, or becoming an active agony aunt on here like I did. Then you will have to work out some kind of schedule for him being on the game x amount of hours then he spends quality time with you, you can increase it more on the weekends. As far as the sex goes, our sex dwindled too because I didn't feel wanted but, I had a serious talk with him and now we've gotten better but it's still not perfect. Just don't know what it is about having that computer game and using it as a scape goat.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): I feel your pain. I am not shy about telling mine how I feel (we've been together about 3 years). He never gets upset with me or makes me feel out of line (or like a nag) for telling him how I feel, but he often doesn't seem to really get it. He goes on doing the same things I tell him make me unhappy anyway (one of them is the stupid online gaming). I know he loves me very much, but I just get turned off and annoyed by it. I'm considering leaving him over this. Maybe I'm ridiculous too, but I know exactly how you feel.
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