A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After dating my bf for 3 months I fell pregnant. It's now been 2 years and we live together. Before me he dated a girl for about 4 months and then they carried on the relationship long distance for 2 and a half years because he moved to where I stay for work. So they were basically dating for 3 years, on opposite sides of the country. During the long distance part of the relationship they probably saw each other for a month in total, so he tells me. But she planned to move closer to him. And they were completely in love, so I’ve heard. She found someone else though and dumped him. He told me that he was shattered. I do have a problem with past issues but it wouldn’t be that hard to get over them if this girl wasn’t in contact with my bf’s family. I know it may seem really stupid to some because my bf says my issues are ridiculous but I find it so difficult when none of his family have any time for me but are all such good friends with the ex. His ex added his whole family, his mom, brother and two sisters, on facebook, AFTER the break up! Then she came here to visit her dad and went out with my bf's sister for drinks. My bf was already dating me and we'd just found out I was pregnant. His sister told the ex and she spent the night in a clubs bathrooms crying. She deleted his whole family along with sending them each a letter apologizing but saying it was just too hard for her to stay in contact with them. She deleted my bf with no explanation. I guess none was needed. Since I gave birth the ex has readded his whole family and only the one sister ignored the request. The rest of his family accepted. My bf’s mom, brother and one sister are all abroad. Two days ago it was his brother’s birthday and although I only met him a couple of time before he moved away and he was a total ass to me I sent him a message wishing him. I went on his facebook and my bf’s ex had sent him a message just before me. Today is my bf’s mother’s birthday and exactly the same thing has happened. Again I only met her a couple of times long before I fell pregnant and she wasn’t very friendly. I don’t have her on my facebook so I was on my bf’s, that’s irrelevant though. But I couldn’t bring myself to send her a message straight after the ex has. Am I stupid for feeling like I’m competing? My bf says he doesn’t care if his family hates me. But I do… I can’t tell them that they’re being inconsiderate because they barely know me. Also, everything since I fell pregnant has been about my bf and the baby. They all wanted to be here for him and the baby. No one ever considered me. They all congratulated him when I gave birth. All that was said to me is “what a clever girl”. And now they’re all coming here in March but now no one has included me, my bf or our baby. They’re all coming to see friends and other family. They haven’t ever met their grandchild/ neice. How do I be nice to them after this? How do I not upset my bf? I know his family hurts him a lot but he won’t tell them how he feels. And now when his mom comes we’re going to be expected to run after her. And how can I get rid of his ex? I mean do you think she’s doing it because she’s genuinely friends with them? Or is she doing it to get to me and my bf? My bf told me that while they were dating his ex never got along with the family. And his sisters both told me that they couldn’t stand her. Then why do they talk to her?I know this is long and there are a lot of questions but I feel like I’m going crazy with all these thoughts. March is coming so quickly and my stomach churns when I think about it.
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facebook, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 HMMMMMMMMMM! I don't know why this URL isn't working properly. *LOL* Just copy and paste it in your browser!I thihk you will love it!
Thanks for reading!
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (22 January 2009):
You are so welcome hon. Remember to walk in FAIth AND TRUST IN LOVE. KEEP PUTTING ONE FRONT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER and do all you can to give your BF and child a loving and happy home. Try to keep from letting on too much about the ex. He probably really is upset that she wasted his time. He has a child with you now the that makes the bond you have with him
SO DFFERENT to what he has with her!
If he seemed to be upset with his family, chances are he really is! After all their not wanting to visit and take time with him and his child is just plain SELFISH! The fact that no one gave you birthday wishes made him feel bad for you too most likely. I am sure that if he is intending to spend his life with you, it would be important to him for them to accept you and his child. If this ignorant downplay of the relationship you two have continues, I have a feeling he may eventually speak up and tell them it's unfair and rude!
I PRAY THAT HE STANDS BY YOU AND MAKES THE CHOICE TO BE A GOOD FATHER AND LOVING MATE. I PRAY THAT GOD BLESSES YOUR UNION AND YOUR LITTLE FAMILY. GOD IS CAPABLE OF MAKING THINGS RIGHT. WALK IN FAITH AND BELIEVE!
Here's something for you I hope it gives your spirit a lift and puts a smile on your face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SMILE CAUSE GOD LOVES YOU!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7ChvRA6vXc
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you blue angel. It was my birthday yesterday and not one of his family members wished me for mine. He has a father, a step mother, an ex step mother and in total 5 siblings.Only one is still living at home. It makes me so mad that my baby has a family who's not really interested in meeting her.
My bf and I have had many fights about that ex because of his family and he constantly assures me that he resents her for wasting 3 years of his life. He could be saying this to make me feel better but I guess I'll have to take his word for it.
But I'm going to try and just carry on taking care of us. March is going to be hard but I'll get through it for my bf's sake. I got the impression he was just as upset at them yesterday.. Hopefully they will realise their inconsideracies or my bf will get the nerve to say something to them.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (21 January 2009):
The ex still loves him, the family loves her. They are feeling that you have manipulated him by getting pregnant.They are excluding you, the boyfriend and the baby because they don't want to take the time in getting to know you. They resent you most likely. The boyfriend is caught in a bad spot. He loves his family, his chind and quiet possibly you, however he may still have feelings for his ex.
You have a new baby to take care of and you need to take care of yourself too. It's hard to cope with a situation like this. If you have put your best foot forward then all you can do is continue as best you can. Your boyfriend really should talk to his parents and remund them that you didn't get pregnant alone! It wasn't something that either of you planned, it just happened.
They need to acknowldege that your bf's ex gf left him for another man. It appears that were quite taken with her and think that in all she is still the better choice for "THEIR" son. Don't waste time trying to make them like you, just be yourself. In time if your boyfriend stays with you and his child then hopefully they will let go of the idea of him with his ex and learn to accept you.
They are choosing sides here and their son is going to suffer because of it. The really sad part is that THE CHILD WILL TOO! The fact that his ex never got along with the family when they dated could be a clue that if you stick it out, you may win their approval. They seem to have a patten as you are with him now and they seem to dislike you.
Sometimes parents feel neglected and loved less when their child gives love and attention to someone else other than themselves. WALK SOFTLY, PRACTICE PATIENCE,BE LONGSUFFERING and GIVE LESS TIME TO WORRYING ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN YOUR YYOURSELF, YOUR BOYFRIEND AND BABY. In time if Your bf comes to love you the way he should then you will have an
ally. SEEK GOD'S INTERVENTION AND PRAY FOR HIS FAMILY AND HIS EX. GOD HAS THE UPPER HAND AND YOU WILL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE ROSES!* *LOL* Care for your NEW FAMILY and let EVERYTHING ELSE FALL INTO PLACE.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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