A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Twelve months ago I had a disastrous encounter with a guy I considered a friend who I really fell in love with and thought he felt the same. I trusted him implicitly. Never ever found out why but he cut me dead and was extremely weird and nasty. I tried every which way I could think of to put things right as we bump into each other socially as we both have the same sporting interest and unfortunately, the same friends. Fine, I got over it. Eventually I got angry and sent him a stinging email reminding him - without abusing him, just being an adult - of the things he did and what people around us thought about it. I've had no trouble from him since, haven't seen him (he was basically stalking me at one point, he is not a well person) and am getting on with life. My problem is, I don't think I will ever get over it, and to a degree, him! I cannot bear the thought of another man looking at me, never mind touching me. It is weird. I feel so totally like I will never have a relationship with anyone again by choice. It is not for want of offers either, it's just now I find every man I see repulsive from a relationship point of view. The stupid thing is, if the guy who did this to me came back and apologised for all his horrible behaviour I'd probably leap at the chance. Am I stuck like this for the rest of my life? Has this happened to anyone else?
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (20 January 2009):
 Your very welcome :)
Well, we all know the saying: "What goes around comes around." Either way, something WILL eventually effect him equally in time in some way or another.
If you can id also recomend seeing a coucellor even for one session for the purpose of face-to-face discussion about it. This will also help you greatly.
Enjoy yourself, and enjoy your friends. And most of all have fun!
Be strong :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGriffo, thank you for your very kind and thoughtful and sensitive help. It made me feel much better :) I think you are right, he must have seen me as a threat to his lifestyle or something. One very lucky thing, I am very well known by all the people in the sporting world I'm in and all my friends and nobody thinks his behaviour was right and even though they have said bad stuff about his behaviour to me, I've never criticised him and just told them it would blow over... which it hasn't. In the end, he will damage himself enormously as everyone is disgusted with his behaviour to me. I just feel, as I said, I will never get over it. In saying this I go out of my way not to make a big deal of it around any of my friends. I try to play it down and act happy. All my friends, my whole life is tied up in the sporting club. But as you say, I will just walk away as he has done. But thank you so much Griffo and also Lucyx I can only hope that the man who acted like this doesn't do it to anyone else again because it was too hurtful for me. THank you!
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (19 January 2009):
Firstly, it is certianly NOT your fault in any way. You seemed to have done the right thing all the way. But what I can definatley tell you is that he is a foolish man that does not deserve someone like you ever. And here's why:
I believe he liked you too, and theres no doubt about that. You say he was married, married men behave in a very particular way when they've cheated on their wives - They will make any attempt to cover things up because they feel guilty. Most of the time their guilt will eventually come forward because it has eaten away at their soul and heart over a period of time it may take months even years.
In this instance he has attempted to cut you off and defame you infront of your friends, by using anti social (non physical) behaviour, so that anything you say or did would not be taken entirely seriously (I only hope your friends are smart enough to not fall for this). This is a real cruel tact he had played. He most likely felt in a position of vulnerability as his wife may have found out about you both. You were in a position of power and had the power to completley distroy his relationship with his wife if you wanted, thus he likley saw this as a type of threat.
If he has left the wife or they were already broken then its likley he was trying to get back with her and this relationship with you could have also been a threat on that attempt.
The best thing you can do now is forget about him entirely, hes very immature and not worth even speaking too, infact I wonder if his wife found out about you what would happen? I see this as apart of his tact and that if she did find out by 'you' she would not believe you because of his attempts to turned everything around as if you were the one chasing him. where infact it clearly was not.
The best way to deal with it is be with your friends and forget about him entirely, your friends will understand and be with you always, they will believe in you more than him, they will make you laugh, and bring happiness to you. If you finding it difficult to be with friends at this time because of the delecate sicumstances make some new ones in a nearby area. Id also consider having six months for yourself and to completly avoid him (this includes friendly social dates with men - this will also help you over come him) - If he comes near you do what he does (firstly, oppoligise to your friends) and walk away if you see him in a group don't go near that group for that moment wait till he's gone or continue with your own thing. If you like, when your in a group of people express your dislike for him - it will eventually get round what type of person he is.
If you can go on a short trip or a holiday and don't think about him anymore, not all men are the same and there is one out there for you.
Let me know how you go after reading this. I do wish you the very best and hope this feeling passes you by.
Be strong :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGriffo, it was really weird. He was a good friend at our sporting club and there was a lot of mutual attraction. He has a drinking issue and some mental problems (nervous breakdowns etc.) I knew this and the fact he was married so I never made any move. Then he did, big time. Only one night!!! But the things he said and the way he behaved was like he really loved me and then, afterwards, in spite of seeing each other all the time, he cut me dead. He would almost run away from me and went around telling people I was a psycho! This was silly as everyone knows me and knows I am not and the people he said this to are my friends! He acted like he hated me bitterly when after a while I think I worked out he just hated me for the fact he liked me and for what he had done. But it went on and on for a year. Walking away in front of friends, being overtly rude, then outside of sporting club, sitting in carparks watching me train. Putting himself in position of constantly bumping into me as we live in same area. In the end, I sent him an email telling him I knew what he was doing and it had to stop or I'd call the police. He stopped. Never tried to deny it. Just accused me of needing mental help. The thing is, this man was like two people. The person I knew and liked and fell in love with for twelve months. Then suddenly someone comletely different, a hostile cruel person. I really was hurt but like anyone else would have happily moved on and just put it behind us and got on with being civil and that was it. It's like he wanted a war!!! Hope that helps. Sorry it's long :(
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female
reader, Lucyx  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Look Darling, Trust me i know what yo are going through and it is hard, il never understand the mind of a man. One thing i do know is that one day you will be able to go out with other lads its just going to take time. I do advise you though not t bother with this lad again, he could do it again, dont let lads walk all over you and look after number one.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (19 January 2009):
What exactly did he do that was so bad?
We need more info from you to provide optimal help.
If he cut you off for no reason it was likely due to a number of factors, im guessing it was sexual based? (please elaborate on what exactly happened.)
Thank you :)
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