A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (27) and I (26) have been dating for two years. Two weeks ago, he told me he's not in love with me anymore and that he needs a break. He was everything a girl could ever dream of in a man. He truly could not have been a more perfect boyfriend. Up until about three months ago, everything in our relationship was absolutely wonderful, but then we began to fizzle out a bit. Something just wasn’t quite the same. (Just for the record, I never, ever suspected another woman. And I still don’t. He was never mysterious, always answered my calls, never acted suspicious, we spent almost every night together, etc.) Anyway, I figured that this “fizzling” was just a phase we were going through. For several weeks, I was caught-up in my career and some things with my family. He had just started a new job and was juggling the job and night school. I chalked the change in our relationship due to outside stress on both of our parts. I talked to him a week ago and he said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. It's too much with work and school, but that if he was in a relationship, it would be with me.Even up until he told me he wanted to take a break, we seldom argued, always spent a lot of time together, had fun, both were very affectionate, enjoyed each others friends and family, etc. We talked for quite a while the other night and I asked him if we could give it another try. I told him that I realized something was wrong in our relationship lately, but that all relationships go through changes and that I don’t feel that our situation was so far-gone that we couldn’t fix it. He told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and that he didn’t want to work on it now... he needs a break from a relationship to sort himself out. I know he wanted to marry me and have kids with me and all that at one point not too long ago. I'm so confused as to why he could feel this way and how he could so easily write-off me and the relationship we had. None of my friends, family or his family understand what happened or why he did this. We made a great team and our friends and family liked us together as a couple. I know I can't call him and I figure it’s best to let it settle and see what happens. Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m so confused. I want to call him more than anything. I'm going crazy. Should I call him or is it too soon?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 September 2007):
 I don't like these questions. In break ups there's always one person who ends up getting hurt. My answers are straight and to the point. I won't fill you up with false hopes. I think you're holding on to something that isn't going to happen. I'm sorry, but it looks that way. I'd be asking who is she. I'll tell you why. First the change. The relationship was great until.... (2) I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Not let's slow down a bit, not talking about issues that can change and keep the relationship. (3) The statements "it would be with you" "i don't love you anymore" "he needs a break. Too flighty. Just excuses and the reason for that is they are not connected. Does someone who falls out of love only need a break leaving the possibility of trying again. His statements changed each time you spoke with him. When you have flighty changes, understand he's concealing the real reason for this change. If someone is true to their reasoning for doing something, stating the reason stays consistent throughout every conversation.
I'm sorry about your relationship. It's hard sometimes reading these, knowing at least this many people hurt at the same time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): dont call him...try to ignore him..guys like when u ignore them...trust me...
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (10 September 2007):
Well, he might have met somebody else, but I don't think so. It could be pressure of the changes in schedules and such, but there might be something else going on he isn't telling you. He said he wanted to marry you, and have kids and that wasn't too long ago. As ridiculous as it sounds, he could be in shock. He could be in shock because things were going well and he loves you. It could be completely freaking him out. It is a fact of human psychology.Or maybe he doesn't handle pressure very well and this new schedule with a relationship was enough to push him overboard internally, despite the calm exterior. Maybe he loves you but knows you aren't "the one" for whatever reason and told you he wanted to marry you because he was trying to believe it himself.I've given you many maybes to think about. The only way to know is to ask him and hope he gives you a straight answer. He gave you an answer, but you deserve more. Let him know that you don't understand how the schedule change could lead to this. I don't think it is too soon to call him, but maybe you should wait a couple more days to gather your own thoughts and see what you want to say/ask.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): No don't call him. He told you he didn't love you anymore. Correct? So don't call him. Period.
Second of all, who cares what your friends and family think. It's not their relationship. It yours and his. So forget them.
Lastly, I think he met someone else. Yeah yeah, I understand that he was always with you etc. But he probably "met" someone else in the sense that he has probably developed feelings for someone at work or something. It doesn't necessarily mean that they have gone out or are actually dating. I don't think he cheated on you. Not physically anyways. He has just probably seen a girl or casually talked to a girl at work or school or whatever that he LIKES. And that made him rethink his relationship with you. I am CERTAIN. Guys don't just break up with girls out of the clear blue sky. There is always somebody else. You will learn this as you get older.
I know how much this hurts especially after you guys were so serious with each other but you have to face the reality. Be a strong girl. F*ck him. Go buy yourself a bottle of wine, watch sex and the city, and sulk for a week. But DON'T CALL HIM. Be strong. Have dignity. Stop thinking of the good times. Everytime you think of him, think about how he just DUMPED YOU. That'll keep you strong. That should make you never want to talk to him ever again in your entire life!
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