A
female
age
36-40,
*ou88
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for about 7 months now and in that space of time we have had to go through alot to name a few, me losing my job, his mum visiting for 3 week (i didnt meet her, she traditional) and he went away for 5 week. when he came back he made the decision to look for a better job away from where we live now. when he told me i felt like it was me he was running from, he says wre gonna get through this and everything will be ok. it been a few weeks now hes been moved away (he still comes here to see me) and he said that if he finds a job there i should look too. move together but not live together. my worry and question i guess is, how do i cope when i feel so alone when he's not here and will we ever be happy? thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, VernieD  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Of course you can be happy in a long distance situation. People do it every day, every year, some for many years. If you both care about each other, it will work because you make it work.
And I completely understand him needing to move because of his job situation. Some married people I know have had to do it, and though it stinks, usually the idea is that in the long run it will benefit both people in the relationship better than being unemployed and being together. So, I don't think him moving away says anything about his feelings for you or the viability of your relationship.
To the question how you cope: (1) make an effort to see each other regularly. BOTH of you need to try, that is always the key in an LDR; (2) make sure you build your own life where you are -- have hobbies, friends, take enjoyment in your working day if you have/find a job. The time apart will pass faster if you keep yourself busy and stop dwelling on the fact that he's not around. If all else fails, get engrossed in a good book or a really cheesy and addictive TV show; and (3) have a game plan -- being apart will seem less troublesome if there is an end in sight. Make a goal for yourselves -- say ok, next year at this time we are going to be in the same town and then start a countdown so you have something to look forward to! If you have an end goal you will also be more productive in searching for jobs in the same area than if you are more complacent, so chances are that your prospects of being together in that time frame will actually improve.
Hope that helps! Good luck, be happy, and realize that missing him is really just another way of showing you care a lot, just don't let it consume you.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 February 2012):
Hi there. You need to ask him why he can't find a job in your local area.
Then you wouldn't be separated at all.
Are there no good jobs close to where he lives now?
Is it possible he thinks you are clingy? Do you feel dependent on him being there, to be happy?
If you have answered "Yes" to either of these two questions, you might be pushing him away without realizing it.
If you always want him to be with you, he could be feeling smothered, like he can't breathe.
It also depends on what you want and what he wants.
You do need to make a life for yourself by seeing your friends and going out and perhaps starting some hobbies. Do whatever you can do, to make your own life as interesting and fun as it can be.
The more interesting your life becomes, the gaps between seeing him will seem much shorter, I promise you.
To be happy, it is up to us. It's our own responsibility.
No-one else can do that.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Seven months isn't a long time together. Add to that the 5 weeks he's been away, that's less than 6 months. It could be that your boyfriend wants to slow things down a little as he feels things are possibly moving too quickly. Or it could be that he wants to secure something more solid and stable to build on. Was the job he was doing before very insecure?
You say it's been a few weeks since he moved away and "IF he finds a job..." so he's not got one yet? So where's he staying while he's looking??? You also need to ask yourself "would I be happy to move away and start afresh somewhere else?"
In the meantime you need to get on with life and look for another job (if you haven't got another one yet). Don't come across all needy to him asking him how you're going to cope as this will only put pressure on him and even turn him off. Be your own person, be strong and assertive and continue to go out with friends. Keep busy and before you know it he'll be back to see you, hopefully with good news!
~Eve~
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