A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:God I'm so worried for my friend. We've both dated the same guy but she's the more recent. He dumped her a month ago and he keeps changing his mind about how he feels for her. Just the Other day he went for a walk with her, said he loved her and made her cry (he tries to guilt trick her by blaming his attitude on his parent's divorce). But when she asked a friend of ours to meet them and help her out, he said it was lies and he didn't love her at all!He's admitted he likes the girl they broke up over but "loves" her more, even though the rest of us know that means he wants her back for sex etc. she seems to be really confused, no matter what I say she's not only not over him, but she's so desperate to believe his lies that she willingly talks to and hangs out with him. How can I get her to see this seriously? I'm over him but I don't appreciate the continual focus on him, it's like he's taken over our lives and it sickens me. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): I wrote this. I understand and know all of that, but it's that he purposely and knowling hurts her over an over, even going as far as to, as he put it, "muck about" with other girls.
I've tried telling her to wait but she doesn't think she can, but I know while he's like this history will repeat itself and she'll just get hurt all over again!
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 February 2012):
Hi there. He probably is restless in all relationships, as a result of his parents' divorce.
It makes a person's life very unstable when they come from a broken family.
There is a natural tendency to fear the same will happen to him, that his relationships will fail also.
So that is the truth, it's not a lie.
How he keeps changing his mind about your friend, is probably evidence of this. He has a fear of commitment to one girl, in case it doesn't work out and his heart gets broken.
You can't really blame him for that now, can you?
He is feeling that when he loves someone, he is going to lose what he has - such as in the case of his own immediate family. His parents splitting up and getting a divorce.
He feels that if he hangs on too tight to someone, then it all might go wrong.
Just going on the experience of his parents.
He hasn't lost his parents as such. What he has lost however, is the stability of a steady home environment where nothing changes and everyone is happy and content.
That's a pretty big loss. And it has a HUGE impact.
So that's what is really behind all this erratic behaviour of his.
So until he can learn to trust his instincts and that he can have a relationship that works, he is going to go through a bit of evolution of learning, until that time comes.
Because the one thing he doesn't have at the moment, is trust.
To trust that it's possible to have a happy relationship and smooth sailing all the way.
That's what we all want.
This is going to take time, and a leap of faith in human beings.
In time it will happen though, I promise you.
So your friend is going to need to be very patient.
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