A
female
age
30-35,
*orelai
writes:This has worried me for a while. When people meet me they think I'm a really nice person, I'm always super happy, energetic, laugh a lot and am up for everything. People think I'm 'nice' but then when I get into a relationship I change, and I become moody, boring, clingy, jealous. All these different things. I feel like I'm lying to people when I meet them because I seem like a nice girl, but I know deep down I'm not.I worry that I'll never be in a happy marriage because I'll just sabotage it, start arguments and such.It's kind of easy to say 'Just don't do that' but I feel like I can't control it! I think it's my deep rooted personality, so basically I was wondering if it's possible to change your personality?I want to be one of these old couples who are happy together, I don't want to stamp on my partners dreams and make him have really low self esteem (which is something I do, if my partner wants to do something I make him feel rubbish about it and I don't even know why!)I'm single at the moment but am just worried for the future. I don't want to be a horrible person and I need to change! Is it possible?
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jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lorelai +, writes (22 December 2011):
Lorelai is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat sounds interesting.. I may try that. It's nice to know that someone else has had the same problem and overcome it. I don't want to be horrible to the people I love, it makes no sense!
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (22 December 2011):
Think of it as your heart's own security system. When the threat of getting hurt is small (you're single and just having fun meeting people), you can be yourself, laugh, make jokes, and find entertainment in almost situation.When you get into a relationship, things change. Now you need to worry not only about someone getting close to you and knowing very secretive things about you, but also being at risk of getting rejected or hurt.Honestly, it comes down to self-confidence. I'm not saying you have issues; I think everyone needs work on this in some way or another. When it comes down to it, relationships are scary. Yes, they are also amazing, but at the same time they're threatening. You put yourself in a vulnerable position and become somewhat dependent upon trusting another individual. Its quite intimidating and this can lead to different behavior.Its hard to pin down exactly how this can be dealt with, since the situation differs, but I hope at least knowing where these actions may stem from helps just a little. The best of luck :)
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