A
male
age
26-29,
*ugo95
writes:Hi, I'm a 14 (15 in like 2 days) year old boy from England. I know what everyone thinks... 14, way too young to be thinking about love, but read on.I'm gay. Not many people know, i've only told my older sister but i don't think my parents would mind that much, they're quite liberal. Nobody in school thinks i'm gay. Being gay isn't actually the issueI'm pretty much in love with this boy in my year, or else a deep, deep infactuation. We're mates, not like best mates, but mates. He doesn't know I'm gay and he's straight, as far as I know.I think about him constantly and imagine being in a relationship with him, which just gets me horribly depressed because I remember he's straight... and then I think well he's only 15 after all, he might be gay like me. I have actually prayed to God that this boy is gay, pretty sad I know. I try to 'get over him', but can'tWhat do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): you are experiencing a sexuality confusion you are bisexual and there is nothing to be worried about many people are
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reader, hugo95 +, writes (20 February 2011):
hugo95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe bountyhunter, I am unbelievably jealous of you! Your experience sounds like the best thing ever, would love so much for it to happen to me. It's seriously like my dream.
Unfortunately, I'm like 99.9% sure this person is straight. And even if he was secretly gay, I don't think we're good enough friends for something like that to happen.
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reader, thebountyhunter  +, writes (9 December 2010):
Ok this is what i have to tell you. I am 17 now male and as a few others on this page had the exact same problem as you. last year right after my 16 birthday i realized i had a hug crush on my best friend. It hurt so bad all the time cause all i could do was think about him and how much i wanted to be with him. I was sure he was straight and i would have to let the crush die off. well our favorite thing to do was wrestle and man we did it multiple times a day (tho i personally loved it more for the cuddling)Well one day we were wrestling and he called me a faggit (just messing around as far as he knew i was straight as i thought he was) we went back and forth like that for awhile calling eachother names finally i tackled him and we started another round. somehow in the middle of it all our lips burshed against eachother for a second causing us to pause mid wrestling with me ontop of him looking down at him i still dont know what made me do it but i just leaned my head down and kissed him.I pulled back right away thinking i made the biggest mistake ever and lost my best friend after staring at eachother for what seemed like forever he leaned up and we started making out! now believe you me this was the happiest moment of my life and it felt like heaven had finally heard my calls. For a quick ending we've been secretly dating for over a year now are deeply inlove and as far as the world is concerned were straight. we decided we'd rather go through high school not having to worry about our friends turning on us. We plan to come out when he graduates in 2013. So remember it isnt hopeless that your crush wont be yours no matter who it is ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): As a straight highschool student, who had a sexual identity crisis, I think it would be a mistake to confess to this guy. I had gay friends in highschool, being California, there was never the threat of misunderstanding or mistreatment from peers. I know that one of my friends was only playful when he made joking flirtations with me, but it still made me uncomfortable. Especially since I was questioning my own sexuality, and I can safely say that I am straight now, but back then, with a lack of female interaction, especially romantic, I was unconsciously desperate for attention and saw advances in everything. Your friend probably doesn't have anything close to the problems I did, and I can't say I know much about the social climate of England, but I doubt a straight man would appreciate being come onto by another man. It would be awkward at best. Whether or not you tell him you're gay is up to you, I don't see how it could detrimentally affect your friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Hey dude. First off, I literally have the exact same problem as you, but I'm a gay girl. I wish more than anything in the world that my best friend would love me as much as I love her, but we have to understand that the chances of that are slim to none. The thought of that girl makes me crazy and at some points I've thought of suicide, since I also feel like I shouldn't have been born a girl, so when I hear her talk about other guys I just want to say, hey, I'm right here, I could be that guy that would love you forever, but then i realize that there's nothing more that I can do to get her to love me, so I just hang with her and act a cool and friendly as I can, while inside all I can think about is how much I wish I were with her, how much I wish I could hold her and kiss her, and then I just feel that horrible feeling of sadness fill me, because I know that we'll never be.
I know exactly how you feel dude, and I too will picture myself in a relationship with my best friend, but hey there are always going to be others out there that you can be in relationships with, and I know how painful that feeling is, that constant nagging and want for your crush, but you just gotta live it out and let it pass, like a shitty cramp. Anyway, I hope you feel better, take care!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): Hey im in the same boat as you ): im (turning 15) im from america (NYC) i havent told anyone im gay except one of my best gay friends. I have a crush on one of my best friends who is straight; and im really sorry to say this, but there really isn't anything we can do. I mean they aren't attracted to us so i guess we both just have to m ove on. i mean theres allways the chance he could be gay or bi but probebly not. sorry.
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reader, der_zyniker +, writes (27 June 2010):
I would tell him that you're gay, but wait to see if he how he reacts to see if you should tell him how you feel about him. I find that when I tell friends that I'm gay if they are gay or bi they tell me because they feel like they can tell me those sort of things since they know that I won't feel awkward around them, I won't tell anyone, and things won't change between us. If he's straight and a real friend then he won't tell anyone. If he's gay go for it.
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reader, Free Yourself +, writes (27 June 2010):
Ok first thing first never pray to the savior for anything like that.LOL. I'm gay too and i know what it feels like to care for someone you may possibly never have. The best thing to do when your ready is write him a note and tell him. Now this could be humilating if he's not cause he may show ppl but you shouldnt be ashamed of who you are so what if they find out. But if you feel that he may have the potiential then go for it. Be bold and have confidence!!!
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reader, hugo95 +, writes (24 June 2010):
hugo95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice!
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reader, Lola1  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Hugo95, I am so glad if anything I said helped. It probably didn't lessen any feelings of isolation you feel, but I have a very strong gut feeling that you will have a great life. You seem a wise person, despite your age... Enjoy your 15th birthday and all those that follow.
:-)
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reader, hugo95 +, writes (23 June 2010):
hugo95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLola, thank you I found your comment extremely helpful. The reason I don't what to tell my friends is that some of them would probably no longer be my friends, not that they're particularly homophobic but just that they'd feel awkward around me. Someone I know in my school actually did come out, and he wasn't treated mcuh differently, but the difference it was pretty OBVIOUS he was gay if you get what I mean.
I honestly think most the people I know would be completely shocked by finding out I was gay. I definitely don't think I should tell him, he wouldn't taunt or attack me or anything like that, but he probably wouldn't talk to me for a long time, and when he did it would be extremely akward. Whenever we spoke he'd be remembering my massive crush on him.
But I definitely agree with you that I will have other crushes, and I just have to wait for this one to pass :) thank you
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reader, Lola1 +, writes (23 June 2010):
I am not 14 and I do not recommend being blindly "courageous" here. This is not a standard boy/girl crush, in which case taking such a chance may not have adverse effects. In the case of a boy/girl crush, if said girl were your very close friend, confessing your feelings may affect your friendship with the girl, if she doesn't feel the same way. This happens all the time. Some people (especially young teenagers) are not equipped yet to deal with a friend who would like to go further.
This is a skill developed over time, and sometimes, in a few adults, it never is.
Being a high school student is difficult. Being a GAY high school student can be even harder. Teenagers and children can be the most cruel and unforgiving. I do not mean that they all are, but they CAN be. What if he confesses his strong feelings of attraction to a boy who is a) straight and b) afraid of being taunted or bullied by other boys if they learn he is the subject of a boy’s crush?
Is it not possible that poor hugo95 may be the target of jokes, ridicule, bullying and/or physical attacks in response to his coming out? He has not already come out as being gay! This indicates he wasn’t comfortable about it.
Hugo95, so many men and women older than you have struggled with their sexuality and have not come as far as you have in understanding yourself. You may not realize what a unique and special individual this makes you. BRAVO!
I live in Canada, where homosexual marriage is legal, and yet tolerance for gays and lesbians is still an area that needs a lot of improvement. You know your school better than any of us. What is the worst that might happen if your friends found out? Why haven’t you already told them you are gay?
As to what to do about your feelings for this boy, they are normal. WE ALL have huge crushes on people we feel are unattainable in high school. That is what makes those crushes so powerful! If we could have them, we would and then we would be together and then the feelings wear off and we move on. That’s what high school romance is all about.
"Love" is not always returned and it is hard to act as friends when you feel so strongly for someone. Hard, but not impossible.
Unless you first confessed your sexuality, and saw a positive response from him (you think he’s straight and he thinks you are – but you aren’t, right?), my advice is to relax… enjoy your fantasies, enjoy your crush, recognize it is not the only boy who will make you feel this way and take comfort in knowing that your feelings for him will fade.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): I would go with haven's advice! She is right, be courages.
Btw: I'm 14 too!
Love,
Elizabeth
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Lots of people have the same problem you do. You love them, but you don't know if they (can) love you. I think you should wait a little longer and study which gender he goes for. If you can find out he is gay, GREAT! If not you should tell him. Good LUCK!
Love,
Elizabeth
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reader, haven  +, writes (23 June 2010):
I'm 14 aswell and I certainly think that you being gay shouldn't stop you from loving or to even be infatuated with a guy. The solution to you're problem may be risky but I certainly know that it'll help you since I have tons of 'bi' friends who did what I advised them to do. I think that you should confess what you're feeling with the guy. Don't be scared. Knowing the truth will make things easier for you. If he like guys aswell or gays, then good. If he really is straight, well, then that's the time you should move on. Just ask him if he likes you aswell. This time, look for a person whom you know can accept you for who you are and as you are. Be courageous. I wish you the best of luck!
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