A
female
age
41-50,
*c82
writes:I am having problems with my husband. I have seen twice now that he has filled out profiles on dating websites. Once this summer and once last week. After filling the one out this summer, he never went back to it, but the other he has gone back to. The most recent one is a pay website, and he can't contact anyone on it, and he has not paid to be a member, but all the information he put in his profile was true and he said he is looking to for someone to cheat with. I tried confronting him without accusing him and he denied joining any website. Most of the time I feel like he is a good guy and I do believe he loves me, but I also think he's bored. He never seems excited about having sex, he has a way of making me ugly and disgusting. I always feel like he is forcing himself to have sex with me. I get hit on all the time, and I have lost weight not gained it since we first met. I don't know what to do. He swears he has never cheated, would never cheat, loves and the whole bit. I know I am a jealous kind of person, so its hard for me to trust my own reaction to things. Part of me just wants to leave, but the problem is that I am generally happy with him. Just not totally. I don't know what to do. I appreciate any advice.
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female
reader, jc82 +, writes (3 February 2010):
jc82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just wanted to give you all a real update: I confronted him, and the profile was already deleted. He was sorry and I feel like we are closer now after talking about it. It was kind of as I suspected, he was just bored at work and those ads are around all the time.... I don't think he will do it again.
Thank you again to everyone for encouraging me!
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (21 January 2010):
jc82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your replies, and I know you are right, and its going to make me crazy until I let him know that I KNOW he signed up. I think the difficult thing for me is that I am sure he never actually even emailed anyone from these sites. The first one he signed up at and never once visited the site again. He already deleted the second profile. So, its like I know he looked, but I know also that nothing came from it. The more troubling thing for me was that he took the time to fill out the profile with true information, and admitted to wanting an affair. Even if he wouldn't go through with it, its not a good step to take.
I am also struggling because I found this out while snooping through his emails. Its hard for me to admit that to him.
As far as our sex life goes, I know that he deals with impotence, and its hard to know what to blame on him and what to blame on his body. I don't know. It is definitely a problem.
Thanks for your answers though, and I am going to have to find the courage to confront him for real.
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A
female
reader, meltedfire13 +, writes (21 January 2010):
I think you should definitely confront him and show him what you found! that is completely unacceptable, especially if he flat out put on there he wants someone to cheat with. jealous person or not i cant imagine that being okay under any circumstances, accuse him all you want!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 January 2010):
Girl, confront him with the emails and the profile. If he still denies it, ditch him. To be honest, he's a lying cheating creep. No wonder you don't trust him. But until you show to his face evidence that you know, he won't admit it. Personally, I think you can do much better than him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): You have proof that he joined dating websites TWICE, yet he looks you in the face and denies it and swears he's never cheated.
You say he's a good guy and that you're generally--but not totally--happy, yet he makes you feel disgusting and like sex with you is a chore.
If your best friend came to you and told you the same story, what would you tell her? You'd probably ask her why she's trying to stay in a marriage with a man who is untrustworthy and makes her feel like crap. You would suggest that she ask her husband DIRECTLY whether or not he wants to work on the marriage. You would tell her to leave if he is unwilling to work things out. You would tell her to trust her gut and ultimately do what's best for herself.
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