A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My previously not very sociable close freind has in the past week met this new guy and it seems that they are dating. We used to spend a fair bit of time together, as neither of us have a big circle of freinds and relied on each other a bit, she has one one other good friend who is very sociable. Though i am happy she has found someone I feel very left out, I am single and she has found someone, she is with this guy and thats cool but I dnt want her to forget me, I cant talk to her about this as it will seem a bit weird to her. what do I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 This is a very hard one to deal with really.
Your friend is in the first throws of a new relationship and you are bound to feel the odd one out right now. She is not purposely forgetting about you but she is just getting to grips with being part of a couple. Yes you are pleased for her but at the same time feeling very lonely.
What you need to do is keep yourself active - perhaps with the other friend who is very sociable. You need to widen your circle of friends and/or join in some clubs or something like a gym or go swimming or go to a dance class or evening class. In that way you get out and meet other people and also you are not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself.
There also is a certain element of jealousy on your part that she is SO happy right now. All of those feelings are very normal but if you play the guilt trip on her to spend more time with you she could end up resenting it because her new relationship could suffer as a consequence.
Perhaps just say to her about having 1 night a month or something so that you have something to look forward to - whatever she is comfortable with and make it a girlie night out or even staying in with the other friend as well so that you can watch some sloppy DVD's and make it more of a slumber party. In this way she is showing her bf that she is quite capable of having a night away from him but she is not then totally dependent on him and can fend for himself so that would show him she is trustworthy and still cares about his feelings so that she may stay in rather than going out where there is always the potential of being chatted up by someone else.
Just a thought for you to broach the subject to her.
Don't be the friend who misses out on life when her best friend gets a guy in her life. Be active and sociable, also join some sort of club or do an activity. There is plenty out there if you look hard enough. It may even help with your own insecurities about socialising with loads more people.
Take care and keep in touch eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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