A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok well I'm very insecure about myself and I'm 17.The other day I found that my boyfriends been watching porn and that really makes me feel bad about myself. I never even look at other boys in 'that way'. When I told him I knew he just denied it, we've been together for over 3 years and he promised he wouldn't watch it and that he only loves me.I don't mind him thinking someone pretty/attractive but I don't even know why he's watching it, is it because I'm not good enough? We've been having sex since we started going out at 14 [both where virgins] and I used to 'go down' on him all the time. But I don't really like it so I stopped in the past year, and is there any way to make sucking him off nicer for me because I really don't like it.Also he talks to this girl on AIM I've asked him not to because I really dislike her but he won't he still talks to her, I know he'd never cheat on me but why does he keep talking to her?! He's also been on her website which has LOADS of pictures of her on, does this mean he fancies her? I cry alot of the time thinking he doesn't think I'm good enough for him. But alot of people I know think I'm too good for him, but I don't know why they think that.How can I stop worrying?What upsets me the most is I thought he was perfect and he makes me feel like if we finished I'd never get anyone else because I feel fat and ugly. I'm a size 10, and very tall 5'10ish.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Size 10 and 5ft 10 sounds fine. Never question your appearance, if your boyfriend really loves you he will accept you for who you are. It sounds a bit iffy if he has loads of pictures of this other girl, and talks to her online, if you are not happy with him doing so he should respect your feelings. Porn is a subject of whether individual people find this acceptable or degrading, most guys/women find it a turn on,if you are not happy about him looking at naked women, tell him it makes you feel inadequate and extremely uncomfortable as you feel you are being compared to these women. Relationships are about trust, if you guys don't have that then you are on a losing streak. I'm sure you are a beautiful young lady ,and if he can't see what lovely qualities you have, its time to move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): Thanks very much I feel alot better now and he is a really nice person to be with.It's not really all his fault I'm insecure though it's because when I was in High School a couple of months before we started going out I got bullied. They didn't bully me about how I looked it was just poking fun at me and making me feel like the odd one out - but because he was popular and we started going out it stopped and he would never let anyone speak a bad word about me.And thanks penta you made me realise no one is perfect :), on big brother the glamour model isn't nice looking without her make-up. I know I don't have anything to worry about with the AIM thing because she is a nice girl and tells him he's lucky to have me.I should be happy with what I got.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): Firstly,dont take the porn personally,i do think texting someone is a cause for concern,it needs investigating. I do wonder whether he`d accept you texting a male friend?
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 You are definately lacking confidence. I suggest doing something for yourself to make you feel better about yourself. A good place to start is exercise. I don't care if you lose any weight at all at first, exercise will just make you feel better about yourself. Even if it's just walking around the block try to work up to 30 minutes a day. Change your eating habits, no more crisps or soda pop with sugar. Don't cheat either, it won't make you feel any better to eat junk food. Still treat him nicely and like you always have, but in you spare time, Try not to focus on him, focus on you. Do that for about 3 weeks, and see where you are at. Then get down to specifics here. The porn and the other girl are just side issues of a bigger problem. You, need to feel good about yourself and be able to exude that confidence in your relationship and your everyday life. You would be able to get another man if he wasn't in your life, without a problem.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Sorry for the long response...
Okay, first thing. If you're only a size 10 and you're 5'10" YOU'RE NOT FAT!!!!! Oh my God! 90% of all women would KILL to get your figure (I know I would)! Stand up tall, shoulders back, head up and work to feel confident (confidence is sexy). Get into a sport, which builds confidence and helps you keep in shape. If you can keep your figure into your 20s you will SO appreciate it!
Don't look at the short, emaciated Hollywood actresses. Men like women with CURVES. And at your height/size, your curves are proportional and nice. Say this over and over to yourself and believe it, because it's true!
Cut and paste this URL: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909 -- you need the 'id=6909' part at the end -- and watch this short movie. It shows how they take a normal woman, put tons of make up on her, then PHOTOSHOP her, and that's how they make the advertisement. Hollywood beauty ISN'T REAL.
Okay, now for the rest of the answer.
Guys like porn. It has nothing to do with you. As long as he'd rather be with you than look at the porn (and I'm sure this is the case, 'cause he's only looking at it when you're not around) then ignore it. Guys are more visual than we are. Know that it DOES NOT mean anything about how he feels about you, and ignore it. Just 'cause a guy likes to look (and they all do, one way or another) doesn't mean that he'd prefer one of those women to you. Period.
About talking to the girl on AIM. Do you trust him? (You don't have to trust her. It takes TWO to cheat, and if he's not interested, then she doesn't have a chance.) If you trust him, ignore this.
Finally, if you don't trust him, you need to figure out why. Is it because you're insecure? If so, you need to work on your self-confidence. As I said before, confidence is sexy (neediness isn't). But if it's because of the way he's acting (and has nothing to do with you) then you need to talk to him. A relationship where you can't discuss the issues isn't worth keeping.
Remember, hon, you're NOT fat (and I really doubt you're ugly). You sound beautiful to me. Add in self-confidence and you're going to be a knockout. And if it takes ending your relationship with this guy so that you can be with someone who appreciates you for you to figure it out, then don't be afraid to walk away from this guy. Good luck.
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