A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've a question on cheating by text. I am with someone 10 years. Up till now the relationship has been good. He goes away a lot for international sports competitions. At the last one (June) he mentioned he gave advice to a fellow sportsperson and that they became friends - just friends. In fact she asked him to coach her.Since he came back he has been consistently texting her and calling her on skype for coaching advace. However its 5/6 texts per day since he got back. He assures me it all innocent. Now this person lives in Africa. We're in the states. So I know nothing can come of it (Unless something happens at their sports meets). I have heard him giving her advice on skype. It sounded innocous enough. However she did refere to him as sweetheart. Am I been naive in thinking there is nothing going on? He also has not been as affectionate to me now as he was previously? If he's talking so much to this person and it is innocent should I feel embarrased about asking to be introduced to her? What should I do. I've never felt so insecure in my life. How do you get back on track after something like this?
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male
reader, justaguy999 +, writes (8 August 2008):
 You should tell him how you feel. It is not right that you feel insecure, although it may just be a case that he doesn't know how you feel. Perhaps he notices you don't trust him and it has made him back away a bit, especially if, from his point of view, he doesn't know what is bothering you. I say talk to him and if he is half the man he should be, he will change things to make you feel better, for example simply texting and calling less.
I don't advise just leaving and not letting him know why you have gone, where you are and with no way of contacting you. If it is a case of him simply not understanding how you feel then this will definitley ruin things, and if you've been together for 10 years then this would be the worst move you could make.
Hope everything works out for you.
A
female
reader, AskSusie  +, writes (8 August 2008):
Hi anonymous, Trust your instincts in this case. It sounds like your boyfriend certainly does need a wake up call because you are being hurt. No one ever in the world has the right to make you feel insecure.
Walk away from this guy - I wouldnt even bother asking him for an explanation - just walk away and give yourself 7 to 8 weeks away from him, no texts, no calls, no way of letting him know where you are or how to contact you. I really feel you need to move on and this is the best way to do it.
Don't make the mistakes I made, being insecure is a waste of precious hours in a life that we only live once - and hours we can never get back.
Goodluck
AskSusie
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 August 2008):
It may be all innocent but he needs to take your feelings into account.
Talk to him and tell him you are feeling neglected as he's talking to her so much. Don't accuse him of anything or get annoyed, just tell him that you are feeling a bit hurt.
If it's all innocent then he should want to put you first and will put some more effort in. If his feelings towards you have been affected by this girl then you will be able to tell from his reaction and behaviour once you have spoken about it.
After that it's up to you whether you want to stay and fight for him, or to leave him to it and hope he realises what he has lost.
Good Luck!! xx
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