A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, hi, so I met this boy on halloween last year, and since then i think the longest we've gone wothout speaking has been something like 3 days? We always talk, about nothing and rubbish, and i was wondering why it wasn't going anywhere. Just after new year i got a fright and heard he got a girlfriend, but it turned out to be a lie, i decided I didn't enjoy that, so i told him everything, and he told me he thinks i'm awesome too, but he's moving back to London this summer, and doesn't want to start something knowing it will end. I didn't want to keep hassling him, so I couldn't say too much, he said how if he didn't have in his mind that he was leaving, he would have fallen for me. I know he really likes me too. I recently had a party at my house, and it was great, we were together all night, talking, getting drunk, and had rather a few *first kiss* moments, but it never happened :( we just flirted all night, and all our friends thought something was going on, shoving us together, telling us we're a great couple, we talked for hours about junk! And then went and layed on my bed and somehow started talking about 'us' and how he really believes its a bad idea for us to have anything, even if it's just fun till he's gone. We are amazing friends, and a relationship might ruin that right now, but it's so hard when i know we both want it, and he's so resisting! I love the idea of friends forever, but then when i think that means i'll never kiss him, or get any closer, it kills me a little inside. Please give me your advice on what i should do or how i can make myself be fine with just friends, no matter what it is! Anything is a great help. Thankyou so much :)
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Tnat's the spirit!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhaha, you're so right. But i am really not as bad as i should be at just being friends. And a friendship can last long distances i guess? Not relationships. Thankyou. I needed a bit of a kick up the backside like that :L He's a great friend, and he's told me he loves me as a friend anyway, so why ruin that? right? thanks!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 March 2011):
Well, if your friend is going to return to London soon, the best you can hope for is that he MIGHT come back to Spain for a holiday, or you might visit London sometime yourself. If you have Skype you can have video "visits"; send IMs, emails, the occasional phone call, but I'm afraid that's about it.
For now, until he leaves, enjoy being friends, but respect his wish to not get more involved - he's being sensible.
You are both very young (not that that makes his departure any easier for you at present). You'll always remember your friend, but in time the pain of losing him will fade. He'll be a fond memory.
Eventually you will meet a boy you really like, and who likes you - most likely you'll date several over the next few years, until someone comes along who is "the one" for you and you are "the one" for him.
Having said all that, I'll say this: if you do stay in touch with your friend over the next few years and are perhaps able to visit one another from time to time - and you can relax, go on with your life, dating others, but still enjoying contact with your friend, then - a big MAYBE - it will turn out that you both begin to realize you really are completely well-suited and want to build a life together.
NOW THEN, having said that, I don't want to give you false hope, NOR do I want you to seize on what I've just said and put all your energies and dreams into hoping it will happen! Because it probably won't. It's more likely that you'll stay in touch for a while, then he'll meet a girl in the UK, or you'll meet a boy there in Spain, and that will be that.
No, go on with your schoolwork, college, enjoy your family and friends, date others, get a good job.........
All the best!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 What do you want to do,sweetheart ? he told you clearly no at least twice, you would not want to harass him or make a pest of yourself to squeeze a kiss out of him ? If he said no, it's no, and he has also good ,sensible reasons. ( Also if, to be perfectly honest- when you say " we both want it ", well, I think you must want it more than he does. Guys at his age are notoriously bad with self control, and men in general have way less hung-ups about " not ruining the friendship "- they WILL ruin it if the temptation is strong enough. But- never mind. Just a thought. There are exceptions ).
How can you be fine with this situation... you can't totally be fine, unluckily it sucks. You can comfort yourself rationally by thinking that the boy is right : being physically close fosters emotional closeness too, if you get attached to him on a physical level too ,then parting ways will be much much harder. Also, you would not be probably able to live your story relaxed , carefree and seizing the moment, in the back of your mind you'd always be thinking : no more kissing him in 3 months... in 2 months... in 15 days..
True, this mental countdown must have started already, but with a friend is different , because you know that at least you can still talk by phone, text or e- mail. Instead, if you started being intimate, you'd miss also his kisses hugs caresses etc. and you'd feel even more deprived - while you can't miss that bad what you have never known.
I haven't convinced you, huh ? :) Look- sooner or later we all have to live the experience of detaching from someone we care about. Some times it's hard, some times it really sucks badly- and yet , the flow of life goes forward - don't row backward.
Don't waste time regretting "what could have been ", don't struggle to hold in your mind and heart someone who has to go. Let him go with thankfulness for having been in your life - then start preparing for new exciting amazing occasions.
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