A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help! i'm engaged but i no longer feel like i love him. he was my boyfriend and my best friend. even after he moved away for school, we made it work. he visited me each time he could and those were moments i truly treasured. after i graduated high school he proposed to me. i remember how excited and giddy I felt. i couldn't stop showing off to my friends. we're set to get married after he graduates from college, in exactly a year! but i no longer feel the same. i had to move away for college as well and though we message each other daily i can't help but feel like i'm trapped. i still love him, but its no longer the same love that keeps couples together. i'm not leaving him for another, as a matter of fact i'm not interested in anyone, much less dating. i'm scared of marriage. i once dreamed of the day, but now i dread it. he talks to me like he can't wait to start a family. and it seems like just yesterday i felt like i would die for him without a second thought. i don't know what happened. i feel so bad and i don't know how to approach him anymore. i don't want to lose my best friend.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 I just posted an article for couples that got engaged and are struggling.
http://www.myvirtualpaper.com/doc/West-end-Times/17.24westendtimes/2012021702/#32
I have to ask...is it that you do not love him anymore, or have you just past the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship and are just not used to mature love?
The other issue is that you stated you are scared of marriage...if you are scared of marriage, then it does not matter who you get married too, your fear of marriage is going to kill any feelings you would have for the person you are engaged too.
Getting engaged can be a scary thing, esp if you have any fear of intimacy. Get to the heart of why you are afraid of marriage and deal with it BEFORE you get married. If you deal with the fear issue, and STILL do not want to be with him, then break it off with him. He wants and deserves a wife that wants to be with him. Not a "friend" that just keeps him around out of fear.
-Frank
A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite +, writes (19 February 2012):
I think you need to be honest with your fiance. Marrying someone if you don't feel the spark anymore is dishonest to both of you. You'll just wind up regretting getting married and you two might wind up resenting/hating each other!
Also: don't feel bad about your feelings changing. You're really young and you're at the age where you're finding yourself and figuring out what you want to do with your life.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Just be honest with him about your feelings. If it's not time for you to get married, don't. Simple. Be honest. It may hurt him but leading him on and pretending everything is perfect won't help him either when that is not the truth.
Then you can work on what it is you are scared of. If it is marriage, then don't get married. If it is losing your best friend when you no longer feel like a lover toward him, well, that happens.
Just tell him the truth. I think he'll be more understanding than you think, if he's that great of a guy.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): "i don't want to lose my best friend."
Then don't marry him, surest way to lose your best friend is by making him your bitter ex-husband whom you married under false pretenses.
Husbands, boyfriends, lovers, FWBs and baby daddies come and go, but best friends are forever. Believe me, two years, five years, twenty years from now you both will be glad you didn't get married.
Your friendship can easily survive a broken engagement, in fact breaking your engagement is probably your best option for keeping your best friend your best friend.
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