A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiancée for six years now. We got engaged last year. I love her dearly and want to be with her. The trouble comes when I want to have my cake and eat it too. I'm just not sure how to control these feelings. You see there is this other woman I have been infatuated with for four years now. It's a crush that hasn't gone away over the years as I had hoped, but has only gotten stronger. I even purposefully distanced my self as best as I could from this crush; we are only casual acquaintances. Actually, I really can't call it a crush anymore. I feel like I love her, which I know sounds ridiculous, but it's how I feel. I'm very confused and I'm finding it hard to cope.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): i think so too. im glad for you and u seem to know what u want which is more than a good thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your answers. It really did help to go away somewhere and reflect on things. I realized that I have such a great relationship going already that it would be such a waste to just throw it all away. This other woman I've been lusting after, although I can't help my feelings toward her, I can control my behaviour. In the long run, I think I'll be happiest in my current relationship.
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A
male
reader, polarkite  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 I really like Annalisa's answer. It's true, you might just need tome to step back to reflect, instead of dumping it on your girlfriend. Then you can make a clear-headed decision on your own.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (11 April 2008):
Wow.
Sometimes some of us are just not designed to be in long committed relationships. More than likely this infatuation is a manifestation of your desire to be with other woman. I doubt that it's truly this particular woman who has such a hold on you, as your own feelings of wanting more.
The more you keep these feelings closeted up the stronger they will become. So the only possible remedy I can suggest, if you want to keep the relationship, is to tell your finance.
This may get you fired as her boyfriend, but hey it sounds like that could end up being a good thing.
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