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How do I tell my parents I'm going to date the boy who used to bully me?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 January 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2012)
A female Germany age 26-29, *aka 123 writes:

hey,

i like this guy, and i am going to try it out with him. except a month ago this boy was bullying me only because he was with this new girl who did not like me, he was only doing it cause he was under peer pressure. he has loved me for like a year now, and he is really growing on me, so i am going to try it out with him.

however there is one little problem, the parents. normally i tell them everything. how do i tell them that i am going out with him. my parents do not like him at all! they think he is weird and that he will treat me bad. what should i do? and how should i tell them?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (30 January 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntSounds like a plan! I would put the items in this order: wait a few months, after telling parents about his interest, THEN go on a few dates.

Moms and Dads have your best interests at heart and you know something? They were your age once too, and remember what it was like! They are on your side. Let them be there on your side by being honest about things. Generally, my experience was that if I was doing something I couldn't tell Mom or Dad, it was a bad idea.

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A female reader, kaka 123 Germany +, writes (30 January 2012):

kaka 123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

kaka 123 agony auntthx so much to all of you. i have decided to give it a few months, and go on a few dates. then if i truly think he loves me then i will talk to my parents about him.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (30 January 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntAnyone so easily swayed by peer pressure is likely to succumb to it again. I'd hold off on dating him for at least a month, until his intentions are more obvious.

As far as telling your parents, be honest. Tell them what you know of him and then you won't regret hiding something from them later on. If it all goes well, wouldn't you rather have started from a good place than from a lie?

Tell the truth and be honest with them and yourself. And be sure of this boy by having him wait.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI would not be so quick to trust him or forgive him for his prior bad behavior... this could just be a trick to be honest...

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2012):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntanyone who treats you badly is not someone to have a relationship with. simple.

what makes you think that his behaviour isn't some kind of trick?

how do you know he has loved you for a year? is this in your head- or has he told you this?

be carefull

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012):

My last boy wasn't close with me to start, we'd prod at each other all the time. He never really bullied me but he wasn't nice, then he started being nice, claimed he loved me and then we eventually started going out. He was a good boyfriend but when he ditched me, it was like a switch flipped an he became an ass again, this time with more ammo. Once a bully, always a bully. He may like you now, but how long will that last before he returns to a bully? It's your choice but be careful, it's also your heart.

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A female reader, kouimet04 Canada +, writes (30 January 2012):

I agree with the above poster. You really have to know what his intentions are before dating him. He sounds like he doesn't quite know what he wants. If he was in love with you for a year now, I find it quite hard to believe that he could have bullied you if that's how he was feeling. When you're in love with someone, you dont bully them. Plain and simple. I would tell your parents also. Honesty is the best policy. They would want to know, and I think you would feel a lot better once you told them. If you're really serious about dating this boy, then dont go out with immediately. Maybe go on a few dates and get to know him. I would say for at least a couple months. Good Luck!

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A female reader, Candid Cally United States +, writes (30 January 2012):

First, because he has bullied you, you need to be absolutely certain that his intention to date you is pure.

When I was younger, I too was bullied by guys in my class. There was a dance coming up, and a couple of the boys who had been bullying me asked me to go with them. They didn't do it to be nice to me or because they wanted to go to the dance with me...they did it so when I said yes, they could laugh at me and tell me that they would never go anywhere with me. Simply, it was another way to bully me and I fell for it because I hoped they had changed.

Please be careful with this boy. If he has bullied you because of 'peer pressure' in the past, he could very well dump you, ignore you, or continue to bully you in the future for the same reason.

Only time will give you insight into his true intentions. Please take things slow and don't get your hopes up too high until he has proved himself.

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