A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.4 days ago my boyfriend of just over a year broke up with me over the phone, since then, he has deleted me from online (msn etc) and has bought a new phone, so i dont call him. after thinking about it, ive realised that i was completely selfish and insecure in this relationship and completely how foolish i was to just throw what i had away. i had had an argument with his best friend and things were awkward and i went off in a mood because he chose to go out with them and not me, after trying to call him to apologise for going off in a mood he wouldnt answer just kept hanging up, so i text him saying i was mad and that it was over. however i immediatly told him that that was a foolish thing to say and that i was sorry and just really annoyed, tired and stroppy. but he called me and told me down the phone that it was over, and i havent spoken to him since. he says he'll come to me when hes ready but its over and to accept it, however, he tells me that he is finding it difficult and that he still loves me. i cant just put him in the past, because i realise now what ive been doing wrong, and how to change it. im completely heartbroken and distraught and im scared ive ruined it forever, what can i do :(?
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male
reader, djerick  +, writes (10 June 2008):
In this situation i would give it some time.
It is still too fresh.
I would give it a month then try to write him a letter.
If you do something right away it seems like your desperate if you take sometime it will have much more effect
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I hate to tell you hunny but that is the worst part of life. You never know a good thing until it is gone. Look if he loves you he will be back. Have you tryed going to see him and asking him for a fresh start. You cant be caught up though. What I mean is that you can't just say you realize your mistakes but not willing to work on them. Yes it feels crapy when he picks his friends over you but you both need to make boundrys. Tell him CALMLY how you feel when he does those things. Talk out any miscomunications that you may have had in the past. You are not the only one to blame. Both of you screwed up! May I suggest a thing that I have found to work, now I am not sure if it just works with married couples but it is super helpful. Designate him a "boys night out". On that same day have a "girls night out". He goes with his friend and you go with yours. (Seperate places of course.) And when the night out is happening you are only allowed to call eachother at designated times and with a limit. May be that will help with the friend thing and always plan you and his time ahead so he knows not to break your plans!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Personally I think the more you are going to try and contact this guy the worse you will make things.
I suggest you give him time, wait for a week or two, don't contact him, see if he is going to contact you. Then you have a chance to try and resolve the issues.
If he does not contact you, Move on.
In the meantime, keep yourself busy; go out with friends; find things to do and try not to think of him all the time.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): firstly i'd jus like to say that we understand how u feel when u say ur distraught.when people get angry and frustrated, they say things that they don't actually mean. Ur boyfriend knos this. although u didnt mean what u said, what u said shouldn't even be said as a joke, as certain things crude could be taken to heart and it makes people think twice.everything will turn out fine. go out, play games, don't take part in any activity in something heavy such as hard math. as harsh as it may be, the only cure for certain things is time. and it may take a while.
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A
female
reader, uraqt9697  +, writes (10 June 2008):
I know it's really hard, but instead of dwelling on what you "did wrong", I think you should be thinking about WHY you acted the way you did.You texted him that you were mad and it was over maybe because he decided to choose his friends over you, for example, not because you're selfish, or unable to act in a relationship.I imagine that for the most part, you are a secure, stable and confident person. Sometimes when we aren't getting what we want or need in a relationship, we react in ways that we normally wouldn't. The best thing to do is figure out those things, and figure out how you can handle them in a more healthy way. If he's an understanding, genuine man, he will come back to you. IF he doesn't,then find someone who will. Take this time to take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 all you can do sweetheart is just hang in their and if he said like you said he will come to you and that he is finding it hard to get over you then just hope he comes back to you and then you can prove to him you have changed (if you can)
good luck! i hope everything works out for the best
until then go out with a few friends and have fun get things off your mind
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