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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi guys. I broke up with my ex seven months ago. My ex tells me that it was due to "circumstances" and "things changing". Whilst things did change (her going to uni) I know that she must've lost attraction for me too. I know that towards the end of our relationship I put so much focus on her. We used to see each other EVERY DAY last summer and things got a bit stale. We ran out of things to say / do because we never had space apart. I also became very clingy and insecure when she got to uni. The distraction of new friends and a new life at uni obviously seemed more attractive to her. I've learnt a lot of lessons about myself since the split and have become a lot more independent. My own uni course is going really well, I am making loads of contacts in the music industry and I am writing a lot of songs again. I put a lot on hold to make my ex my number one priority. Anyway, I really want my ex back. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past seven months but my ex has been very understand and forgiving about them all. I've told my ex that I am trying to move on but I do miss her. She's not said she misses me but she has said she thinks of me a lot but doesn't regret her decision.We've not seen each other since we split other than a random meeting in a club when we had a drink for ten minutes and caught up. We got on really really well. It was like nothing had ever happened. We only speak to each other by text every now and then but part of me feels like maybe if we met up then things might become clearer. I think my ex is scared to go back to how things were. I don't blame her. I want to go forwards. As I said, I have progressed. I still love her more than anything. People have told me to "just move on" but I really don't want to. I miss her more than anything. I know that I can't make her change her mind and I can't make her come back to me. She has told me recently that she still thinks of me and that our year and a half meant so much to her but "things changed". I don't know if she's with somebody new or not but she hasn't told me either way.I've been out and "played the field" so to speak but only because I've been forcing myself to move on. The truth is, it's just made me realise how special things were with my ex. OK, they went bad and she bolted but she really did love me. There's no way of seeing each other unless we make effort to do so. I know it has to be casual and it has to happen naturally (if at all) but what can I do to try and get her to at least meet up with me for a friendly hang out - I won't bring up our past relationship. I've asked in the past and she's always agreed but put it off in a few weeks. I think that she's scared to see me in case it hurts her - or maybe she just don't want to ever see me again and is just too nice to be horrible. I don't know. I realise that it might not happen and it certainly won't happen overnight but I don't want to give up hope. What can I do? Any advice would be most welcome! Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): You got ONEITIS.Oneitis (or "one-itis") is an obsession with one woman. A male with oneitis is convinced that this one woman is special and will 'come around' to him one day in the future. He generally is not interested in anyone else. It's also important to note that it's really only one-itis when this concern is unfounded in the man for the woman. Such as a man being so dedicated to a woman he is not officially dating or committed to. If there is already a solid relationship in place and the man gives way to thinking she is particularly special or he should be going out of his way for her, that is par for the course for a relationship and that is not considered one-itis. What may be considered one-itis in a relationship is when the relationship is going sour, and it's clear that he should be leaving it, but refuses to believe there are other options. In that situation, it could be dubbed a case of one-itis. Dr Knows All
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Ask yourself this question. Why would you want someone that doesn't love you? If you really loved her you would want her to be happy with someone new.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): This is a similar situation that i am going torugh.
I can tell you what i have done.
After the break up we hung out alot then she found someone else said needed space so i completely ignored her shut her out of my life.
cause if you keep looking desperate you will loose her forever. Try giving her and you at least a couple months with absolutely no contact.
Then slowly work towards gaining back her FRIENDSHIP.
basically you want to fly under the radar and make her realize what she is missing. The risk is that you might get hurt all over again but if you love her its worth a shot.
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