A
female
age
36-40,
*llieP
writes:I am in my final year at college and decided to join a club this year. I joined the sailing club and went to socials each week since September. The first trip just came around this weekend.I have a lovely long term boyfriend who I am 100% committed to but I have found myself being very flirty on the drunken social nights out, even grinding with guys which makes me cringe and feel awful the next day. I have told this to my boyfriend and he says it is fine and he trusts me. However I feel I have made a really bad impression as an easy and unfaithful girl in this club.I have never been someone to be overly flirty, even with a drink inside me but I guess the mixture of heavy alcohol consumption and not having really clicked with the girls in the club means I end up spending a lot of time with the guys, I'm not trying to excuse myself as I know what I'm doing is wrong but it's become like a habit.Basically I don't know how to rectify this situation. Despite owning up to my boyfriend I'm feeling very guilty about it. Please don't suggest that I have deep seated issues with my boyfriend as I am 100% happy with him.I think I may just quit the club as it seems to be a trigger for me. What do you think?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
 simple stop drinking so much and then you will be in better control.
there is nothing wrong with flirting IMO there is a lot wrong with grinding with others without your BF present....
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I don't think you need to stop going to the club, I just think you need to not drink so much when you go on these social outings. That way you're more in control of your actions. If something does happen, you don't have the excuse of alcohol being the problem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Firstly, what happens on Band Camp stays on Band Camp. You are allowed to let your hair down at these events. Flirting is fine. As you get older you'll appreciate a fine flirt with people who's circumstances mean that it won't go any further.
Secondly, you've got to learn to judge your drinks a little better because it seems to me that you'd have rather not have grinded with that man. You might want to enlist him to the cause -- quietly tell him that you have a bf, are most embarrassed, you went too far, and please keep an eye on you not to drink that much again. He may help in the future (some men are very protective), he may not (some men are exploitative), but he can't claim ignorance.
The easiest way to gauge your drinks is to set a N per hour rate. Start with N=1.
Make a point of talking with the girls. These clubs can be cliqueish and the women more than the men. But it's you that has to make the effort. Often helping out with the chores breaks the water fastest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): Quitting the club is the answer, and don't go back,if you value your relationship with your boyfriend at all. If you dont value it then go head play your games till you get caught, and are totally humiliated...Foe God sakes dont tell him what you have been doing . you cant undo it anyway.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 It's very simple: you know you feel bad over your behavior, right?
So limit yourself to no more than one drink on these outings, and make it a point try and strike up a conversation with some of the other women......good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): TRIGGER. If you have the reason to deduce such a thing- then you know full well leaving the club so its not a temptation to you to act less than you want to be- do so.
This is your happiness and character on the line if you are unhappy with how you behave...
You know what to do. So do it.
;)
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