A
male
age
51-59,
*r.Worry
writes:I have a pretty serious problem.I had a near fatal car crash,which left my right arm paralized,ankle bones shattered and removed and a knee that doesn't bend much.I can still walk though.I haven't had sex since my accident which was in 1992 because I went from being a bodybuilder to a depressed lonely man who thinks he doesn't deserve love.I met a great woman and we love each other.We've known each other about 2 years.It started as friendship then moved to love,which I think is best because as friends you share more,so we both went into this eyes open.My problem is,how can I please her sexually?I have no bend in my knee or ankles to get any leverage at all.On top of that,my arm,though paralized hurts unless it's either hanging beside me while standing or if lying down,on my right thigh.It really hurts if I try to be face down.This makes giving oral nearly impossible,which is my favorite thing to do because I have performance anxiety,especially now knowing I can never be the best.More than likely the worst.I know sex is not all there is to a serious relationship,but there still neeeds to be at least some sex.My g/f says we can work it out and love is all she needs,but I'm sure she saying that because I'm so down on myself and feel pretty worthless.I don't think she'd cheat,but if she gets sexually frustrated that may make that change.This has me worried sick:(
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male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (11 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thx LG001,
I hope she can be comfortable with that.It sounds good to me.Guess the best thing to do is talk it out first.
A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (11 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Kodgypie, That's good advice but I'm so mentally fragile that the slightest thing that doesn't work will make me never be able to "perform".Negative thoughts can kill just about anything.I rarely think positive.My therapist says i choose to act like i do,but I have no control over it even with the tons of meds i take.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): ''Sitting on your face'' sounds very unsexual lol but it can sometimes work very well. Imagine the missionary position, but with you underneath and with your legs togther. (So you are lying, and she is on top on her knees either side of you). If you begin sucking her breasts, and stimulating them, eventually she will (hopefully) lean further over to your mouth. If she carries on in this direction, then her vagina will come closer and closer to your face. You do a bit of moving too, and wriggle in her vagina's direction. If this has worked properly, she will then be kneeling either side of your head, and you will be in perfect licking distance! This is subtle if done properly, and the results can be amazing. With her in this position, then she will probably feel very sexy too, as it seems very forceful of her, as though you are her sex slave. 'Sex slave' is quite a bad term to use, but believe me, it will turn her on.I hope this helps and everything works out.
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A
female
reader, Kodgypie  +, writes (11 January 2008):
Like you said, you both entered this with your eyes open, you may have some limitations that stop you doing your "best" stuff, but just because you can't do those things, it doesn't mean you can't find other "bests" things. Just try and explore sex with her because that is half the fun, finding out what turely turns that person on. Try to stop focusing on what you can't do, and remember what you can do. You both love and trust each, and i am sure you'll both work it out given time.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (10 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah Starfairy,but most women don't want to sit on your face the first time they have sex with their b/f.I guess if we really sat down and talk about it,she'd be more comfortable with the way I'd have to do things,I mean we're not kids by any means.lol thx
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (10 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow Baby Duck,I never thought of any of that except the side behind her.Thanks
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Excuse my crudeness...But if you love giving oral, can you not lie on your back and have her sit on your face, as they say?
There's a way around everything...She loves you. She wants to make it work. Insecurity will be the only thing to drive her away. She knows what she's getting herself in for.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (10 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe therapy I was talking is psychotherapy.I'm way worse than you think.I'm on enough meds to knock out a horse.Having someone to talk to has helped me.I can tell her anything.I usually end up crying but I know things could be way worse.The only thing that helps,I no longer do.That's drinking and popping painkillers.The drinking really made it worse.The therapy and having a wonderful g/f has taken my suicidal thoughts away.I just hope all my crap doesn't run her off.
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A
male
reader, Joe158 +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Hmm that's good (the therapy part anyway), that should help somewhat...have you noticed any difference with the therapy? As in can you do things that you couldn't before?
As for the depression that's conpletely understandable, I mean, not many people in your situation would be able to talk about it, i doubt i would. So well done on that front. Conquering it? Well that's a different story. Hmmm, perhaps light doses of anti-depressants could allow you to find some relaxation. Not a full load of anti-depressants of course, just enough to help you in some way. I don't really know what else there is to do... maybe see a psychiatrist?
As for the anxiety? Seriously! Don't worry about it, i have anxiety problems for which i'm seeing a hypnotherapist. It is actually really good, i've only had one session and it's helped me out a lot (I couldn't eat in restaurants/go to the movies/school without feeling orrible sick...messed up my life with my friends, my boyfriend and my family). The therapy has been helping me so maybe it will help you? For one, it can make you feel a lot more confident in yourself, make you feel more relaxed and aleviate some of the anxiety that you are having (and maybe some of the depression). Hmmm, another good thing would be to just keep having sex, once you've realised that it actually IS possible for you (and enjoyable..hehe) i think that will pretty much get the anxiety out of the way.
Hope this helps
Joe
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (8 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I'm in therapy.I have severe depression and anxiety.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): I had a motorcycle accident and have injuries which are very similar to yours (paralysed arm, smashed knee). I thought that sex would be awkward but it's not.
If you want to be on top, then you have to move your bad arm with your good arm above your head ideally with your palm facing down (to get it out of the way without too much discomfort). If your arm is too stiff then you might find stretching it to be beneficial. Then you just do what you would normally do with your good arm and leg to get leverage. Obviously you need a nice soft bed to protect your knee and ankle. This technique might work well for oral sex, it does for me. Or of course you could get your girlfriend to position herself above your mouth, athough this might get uncomfortable for her after a while. You just have to experiment.
On the bottom is of course easier, again you can use your good leg to get leverage. Or you could try standing up as someone else mentioned. It will probably end up being a bit lop-sided but your partner could lean to the side a bit.
Perhaps the most important thing is to not be too self-concious. It sounds like you're lucky enough to have a girlfriend who accepts you for who you are, so you don't have to worry about your injuries being "freaky" or anything. Believe me, I know what it's like.
I hope you and your girlfriend find happiness both inside and outside the bedroom. Remember, there is more to life than sex and if your girlfriend can't see that then she doesn't deserve you.
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A
male
reader, Joe158 +, writes (8 January 2008):
Hey there, sorry to hear about your problems.
Hmm...I can see the awkwardness you're having with sex, i guess you just have to find a position that is comfortable for both of you. Maybe you on your right side and her sideways? I'm not entirely sure to be honest. Or Maybe you lying down on your back and her on top? Although you only said 2 positions you felt comfortable in (in general..not sex wise, was wondering if this one would work if your arm was supported. Maybe even sex standing up, you still have your right arm to support her whilst you're.. erm...doing your business. hehe
...hmm oral pleasure? Well that's quite an easy one to be honest...the 69 position would work best for you, your left arm would be supported on your thigh (like you said), and you can orally please her...yes it's upside down but that's the only thing i can think of at the moment. And as a plus, she gets easy access to your parts whilst your pleasuring her..:D
Hmm as for the whole body stuff are you taking physiotherapy? That might help. It could open up more positions in the bedroom (or whereever the event takes place), or even make the positions you're trying a lot mroe comfortable! Although again, i'm not sure whether it will help or not.
Now for the worrying, you really shouldn't! I can understand why you might worry, but if she really loves you it's going to be fine.
And as for you thinking "you don't deserve love", of COURSE you DO! Don't ever think like that, everyone deserves love.
I hope this helps in some way.
Joe
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