A
male
age
36-40,
*][KE
writes:I will give a brief introduction to my situation. I just finished my first semester at University where I started a relationship with a girl very quickly. The feelings at first were mutual but over time I noticed, but didn’t admit to myself that she was slipping away from me. I heard whispers from over people that she was calculating and friends kept hinting that I should find out truly how she felt. 90% of her friends are guys, I tried to master my envy however it was very painful when she spent more time with them than me (and a select one in particular). She would not commit to being my girlfriend and say that she was only seeing me and needed more time (after 4 months). In brief however she kept going with the relationship knowing how she felt and perhaps trying to feel the same way about me despite my many attempts to tell me how she felt. Overall I had to end the relationship because she couldn’t, and I was sick of feeling unwanted and miserable. I looked at my relationship with rose tinted glasses and now can’t understand why I felt so strongly because she was never emotionally there for me, I felt extremely gutted about this. When I got past the tears I know only feel anger that she led me on and felt no remorse or made any attempt to establish a resolve with me to ease my pain. When I ended things she was not upset and made no attempt to comfort me like I was nothing not even a friend. She was so finite and blunt that it shocked me. It’s hard to get over the fact that she couldn’t tell me how she felt until I made a last bid of pure desperation to confront her. I think she wasn’t trying to not hurt my feelings, but to me this is not and excuse, as it doesn’t allow me to move on. I ultimately jumped ship before I was really heartbroken. Did she treat me badly and let things get to far, knowing that I was really trying while I was hurting and she just watched?I now find solace in nirvana songs, and venting my anger out instead of in, however it is hard to find comfort at home because none of my friends are nearby. Does this pain go away? When seeing her at University (she lives in my housing block) very soon I don’t know how I will react should I;Ignore her?Be civil, dont talk for months, then try to establish a friendship?Be snide and angry, do I have the right?Find her, tell her I’m angry. Then just be civil in future?Leave it, say nothing. Be civil?Tell her I cant be her friend till I master my anger?Thanks for reading if you got this far!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): same shit happend to me, this girl, i hung out w/ her all the time. We had lots of fun together. But she has many friends both guy and girl...which I didnt mind. She always gave me the most attention. after a couple weeks I told her that i liked her more then just a friend. And she replied I dont want a boyfriend!...I told her that it was okay, and that I just wanted to let her know that i felt that way. She smiled and said yeah, I like you too. So we still hung out a lot. a week later I could feel something wasnt right...she wasnt givin me the attention she used to. A couple days later on her facebook she had a pic of her giving another guy a kiss. So I was a bit irrated and told her why? Because I didnt expect anything from her like that. She told me, that she likes to have fun...yada yada yada..and that I shouldnt care cuz we werent together. But i did care, cuz i TOLD her that I liked her a lot. Why didnt she have the guts to tell me she didnt feel the same way, instead she just made me feel like crap...Couple days went by....I sent her some messages of how I felt about the situation. She replied stop writing about seriuse stuff..blah blah blah...then she stopped responding to my messaged...and now we bearly even talk. I see her at work everyday...and its awkward as fuck..she just acts like nuthin ever happend. Now she hangs out with another guy...and ignores me completely. And Im still nice to her...should I of let her treat me this way. I tried asking her if we could talk...but I could tell she didnt want to...so i just let it go, and now im trying to move on. But what I dont understand why is she so selfish. Doesnt she understand that Im hurtin cuz I liked her..cant she even comfort me by saying, sorry but I never felt that way about you. Or atleast say like fuck off..so I dont have think about it anymore....lol sorry about the bad grammar and spelling...
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (14 January 2008):
You really have to be careful now.It'll be basically be your own decision.You'll have to really sit down and talk with her and understand what she's saying.However,be careful coz you may be back to square one.From my own personal experience,i would advise you to just move and not give in to her enticings,you are just going to confuse yourself more but if you think you are brave enough and love her that much you can take her back.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (14 January 2008):
You really have to be careful now.It'll be basically be your own decision.You'll have to really sit down and talk with her and understand what she's saying.However,be careful coz you may be back to square one.From my own personal experience,i would advise you to just move and not give in to her enticings,you are just going to confuse yourself more but if you think you are brave enough and love her that much you can take her back.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, M][KE +, writes (13 January 2008):
M][KE is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi to everyone who helped me with advice before I just have an update.I just got back to university yesterday and had a great night out with all my friends who all supported me and my decision. However today the girl i was seeing, said she had to give me a t-shirt she still had of mine. When I went to get it she broke down into tears and said shes finding it really hard without me. She wants me back I'm so confused and don't no what to do. I'm all over the place now, I don't want to get hurt again.
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A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (11 January 2008):
It's good that you are thinking like that.Don't allow your life to come to a standstill because of one person.You are worth more than what you've been offered.Look for better opportunities.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Glad you have that kind of attitude.It is good to hear that you have overcome this problem.
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A
male
reader, M][KE +, writes (10 January 2008):
M][KE is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses, they have helped put things in perspective for me. I still feel bitter towards how cold she is being but I suppose it just reflects our relationship. Also because she lives so close I will find it hard to socialize with people from within my building and I'm worrying about the bitching that might start up.
However I have made a lot of progress within these few days I feel better, more confident and have tried to keep myself happy.At the end of the day she wasn't the one for me.
I will just have to grin and get on with it!
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A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (9 January 2008):
It seems like women of the 21st century are becoming more heartless by the day.How can a man stop breaking hearts when his has been broken like this? I now understand and partly support those "hit and run" kind of men because they fear such things some of us men in love go through.
I feel your pain my brother.There are two reason a lady will accept you 1)Because she's also in love with you and sees a future in you 2)Because she wants something from you and because she's feeling pity for you. I guess in your case,it's the 2nd.She liked you and was probably going to be satisfied with a fling but you saw it differently.She probably sees you as a friend and nothing more.I know how you feel and would also be angry if i were in your shoes.But try to think straight.She's happy,you are not.She's having fun,you are not.Why should it be that way? Ignore her but say hi when you meet.Try as much to look as though you don't care anymore,though i know it's still hurting.Don't dare react,you'll look foolish in the end.Just keep your distance.But one thing i can do if i were you is tell her how you feel and what you think about what she did and keep your distance.Even if ladies pretend,they rarely forget what has been said to them.
Take care
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (9 January 2008):
You were the chaser. She just basked in your attentions. She has too many male admirers and you were just another also rans. You cannot fault her as you went after her and not the reverse. If you find she has no feelings, then you should have cut short and pull out.
She did not treat you badly . You cannot expect more from her. You may have given more to her but you did it of your own freewill and you cannot expect the same from someone who don't feel as zealous as you .
Just be civil to her like someone you know.Just like you meet some stranger on the highway or travels and you depart your own ways.
You will get over her. That is life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Leave it just be civil. She sounds like she bathes in the attraction of as many men men as possible.Good luck
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