A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Two years ago I had an abortion. I don't agree with abortions, and I didn't want to at the time but my parents wanted me to and my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me with my friend. I really regret what I did, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish it hadn't happened. My problem is I still haven't gotten over it. I feel depressed a lot of the time, I cry all the time still, and I can't forgive my parents or anyone else who knew but didn't help me or my baby at the time, including myself. I don't know what I can do about it, I don't know how I can start feeling better. I don't deserve to feel better, and in a way I don't want to feel better. It's like if I still feel the pain I still have part of her here. It's so difficult to live like this though. And I'm at university now. It's really affecting me here because I'm so depressed when I'm there that I don't leave my room for days and days on end. I don't go to lectures, I don't talk to anyone, or go out, I just feel like there's not any point. I've read on some sites that you can go to your GP if you feel depressed, but I don't know if I am, and I wouldn't know what to say or do, or even if I could say all this to someone. I would be worried that I wouldn't be believed or taken seriously, but maybe I am over reacting and things aren't as bad as I think. I just really don't know anything anymore. I just want any advice anyone has. I would be so so grateful for anything. Thank you.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 Time will heal all wounds Anonymous… There is always next time to make things right. You do not have to go through this pain again when it presents itself in the future! Here life experiences; especially those regrettable ones have a way of giving us a second chance. The key is what you must learn from it all!? We are ‘all’ vulnerable, fearful and inexperienced at one stage in our lives… Keeping the pain to have part of her here is a way of punishing yourself for the grief/guilt that you feel. Find a way to release her spirit to bloom in Heaven… “Forgive”Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): You are depressed and must see your GP or someone through your university involved in welfare as soon as possible. You really need to talk through this and if necessary get some medication. No doubt your parents had your best interests at heart at the time and you had a feckless boyfriend who would not have stood by you. You are carry this a round with you like a weight, it mustn't define your future. There is a danger that you will put your prospects in peril if you don't go to lectures etc, everything will just get a whole lot worse. Grasp your chance of a happy life and talk this through with someone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Does the university have counseling? Maybe that would be a good place to start. Or go see your GP.
Having an abortion is a life altering experience for most girls/women and many people don't understand that. However it is a FACT that you can't change the past. You can only move forward now. So move forward by finding yourself some help and stop beating yourself up.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (19 April 2013):
You sound depressed and from all of us who have been there we know how hard it is to do the stuff that people say you should do. I think it is worse when the cause is clearly something you cant change. There are two things that I will add from my life that might help you. Firstly terminating unwanted pregnancies. No one likes the idea of stopping something from living, especially something as miraculous as an innocent fetus. However, and its a very big however that many people ignore, that fetus grows into a person who needs loving parents, a home, food, education, etc etc. If these arent there then the person will suffer.Yes a young single mother can make it all happen but i am afraid the chances would be very slim. Now zoom out from where you are to see your whole life. You will have great experiences and more children than you would have if you hadn't made the decision to do what you did. At college my girlfriend had an abortion and it really troubled me, long story with lots of suffering, but 20 years ahead you have more children and you will back and realise that you did the right thing. There will always be times when you wonder who that person might have been but you have to learnt to balance good and bad, as we do with many things in life. You stopped a fetus from happening then. Have seen my wife and friends and relatives through pregnancies and miscarriages and yes children dying you realise that getting pregnant is just the first square on the snakes and ladders of life. So try and look at the bigger picture but i am afraid it may be 20 years before it starts to make sense.But what can you do to move forward and start to heal yourself? Well, try and believe what I wrote above, and stop you mind going round in circles thinking the same thing over and over. Now find someone to talk to. A good friend is best, but if you are really low and you life and studying is suffering then see your doctor or probably best a studend councilor, they will help you get over your guilt trip and understand you and get you back on your feet again. I always think emotionally its a bit like surviving a car crash, your stunned and beat up but eventually you will be ok. All the best.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Yes your gp can refer you for counselling or give you antidepressants, or both. It's all free so a good place to start.
You could also approach a woman's organisation/charity - type it into google to find out what's out there. Lots of charities specialise in things and you will probably want to talk woman to woman about this issue.
I imagine the university has support services as well, these are probably drop in which is useful as counselling through your gp normally has a waiting list.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (18 April 2013):
 HI
Such a shame you never had the support you needed when you needed it.
you can go to the dr's and they wont judge you or disbelieve you. You did what you felt was right at the time under pressure, and I know it may not seem like it now but everything happens for a reason. You sound very depressed and alone, so you MUST see your Dr ASAP. Your still greiving, and it will take time but you will start to cope once you get the right help. Maybe seek out to speak to a counilor. you do NOT deserve to be in pain, you did NOT do this for the fun of it, I honestly feel at the time and how things turned out you did the right thing ( for you back then ) It may help if you get a hellium balloon, attach a letter to it, write a letter to your unborn child, Go somewhere nice then let it go, as you NEED to let go, what's done is done you can't change the past, but you CAN have a better future if you can learn to forgive yourself and move on.
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 April 2013):
I'm afraid I think you are depressed. There seem to be a lot of issues surrounding your abortion, such as the way your parents treated you, the way your boyfriend treated you, and obviously the abortion itself.
I honestly think that that best thing you can do is either see if there is a university counselor that you can speak to, or failing that go to your GP who might be able to refer to specialist counselling.
You do deserve to live your life, and you do deserve to feel better, even if you don't believe it. To do that though, you need to work through all the feelings that you're bottling up first, which might take time.
Hope it works out for you.
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