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anonymous
writes: I've been single a while now and have just started going out with this guy. On the third date we decided to start going out together and not date anyone else. He said he's not seen anyone since he started dating me which I trust.Anyway, before the third date I bumped into someone who I used to have a casual relationship with. I often see him around and in the past when I've been single I've had a drink with him when I've bumped into him (its a small village). Nothing would ever lead onto anything even when I'm single because he is someone who I wouldn't want to go out with again but don't mind being friends with.Anyway, I was free and he suggested going for a quick drink which then turned into lunch. We had a bit of a catch up and I told him I'd started dating someone. Then we went our own separate ways and that was it. I'm a bit of a worrier (or a lot of a worrier!) and I just want to know if I did something wrong here. I would never agree to have lunch or drinks with him if I were in a relationship just because I don't think I would like a boyfriend of mine to bump into someone he used to go out with and end up having lunch. However, if your single I think that's fine, I'm just not sure because I was dating and now happen to be exclusive with the guy I was dating. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oneguy  +, writes (27 October 2011):
Yes, you are right in your interpretation. You must loosen up a bit by strengthening your trust in your partner and in yourself.
Regards,
OneGuy
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advice. Its much appreciated and I don't feel as worried now. I will just forget about it. There's no need to mention it as we had only been on a couple of dates and we didn't make it exclusive until the third date. That other guy is just a friend who I sometimes see out but now I'm in a relationship I would quite happily not have lunch with him. Just because he's not a close friend, it would not be important to have lunch with him and its something I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with (can't really explain why!).
One Guy: What do you mean by 'And yes, definitely, you will be asking for a lot of trouble if you apply the same yardstick to your partner.' ??? Do you just mean that trust is the key and I should trust my partner if he happens to bump into an old girlfriend? And I shouldn't feel upset if he does? That's fair enough I guess.
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male
reader, oneguy +, writes (27 October 2011):
You did no wrong. A lunch isn't bad. If that itself is wrong, then speaking to another person also will start looking wrong. Please, just listen to your thoughts - do they make any sense?! Don't disempower yourself like this.And yes, definitely, you will be asking for a lot of trouble if you apply the same yardstick to your partner.Trust is clear. Only with trust comes clarity of thought and action. When it is broken, it in itself gives you all the strength to recover.
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Seems okay to me. You werent out on a date with the other guy. It was platonic and your past relationship with him was never serious. You were just two friends at lunch, catching up. Don't worry.
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