A
female
age
30-35,
*ennypot119
writes:I have had this enormous crush on this teacher of mine for almost 3 years. Actually it's not just a crush, it has turned into an obsession kinda. I've finally worked up the courage to tell him of my feelings a few weeks ago because I just REALLY couldnt contain them any longer. I was very much expecting a rejection, the best I hoped for was him not getting freaked out or angry. but I have never been so suprised in my life. since that day, we have gone out to dinners and we have become sort of a couple (nothing sexual yet). It has been only a few short weeks, but because I am actually getting to know him better, and I have the knowledge that my feelings are returned made me realize that im no longer obsessed with him; i think i may have fallen in love..omg. I havent had much experience and i personally dont think that this is the case, but do you think that he is just trying to get in my knickers? i mean i am much younger and dont men like that?I know that our relationship is illegal and frowned upon, and i know that i'm jeopardizing his job and my future (can i get kicked out of my school if this came out?) i've never felt so strongly about ANYONE before. I have never done anything like this before (i mean, im asian =.=, and have always been a goody 2 shoes as some of my friends call me), please I need advice! Should i follow my heart and keep seeing him in secret or should i do the 'right' and safe thing and stop our relationship? wat do i do???btw, im 17 and he's 33. I know its a big age gap and we have the whole cultural difference going on there as well: im asian and he's spanish, but i guess we can handle that. i think im more attracted to older men than guys my own age (is that strange? i'v never told my frds of my preferences cause im afraid they'll think me weird.thanks in advance! im really desperate and soo very confused :(
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crush, my teacher, older men Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KaterinaLuck  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 I know how you feel because I'm dating my 23 year old teacher and I'm 16. At first it's like, how in the hell did I get caught in this situation. But then it gets better... Trust me
A
female
reader, Rob-x-x-x  +, writes (1 January 2010):
hey, yes his career will be jeopardised and yes you will get kicked out of school if someone finds out. if you love him and to test if he loves you why don't you just wait until you finish school, then you can have a real relationship with him and you can have sex without him getting arrested and you thrown out of school. (sorry to sound harsh)
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A
female
reader, twinkle1million +, writes (31 December 2009):
I think if u truly do love him to wait till yer 18to date him so u won't get into trouble if he truly likes u back he will understand and wait for u
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A
female
reader, jennypot119 +, writes (31 December 2009):
jennypot119 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has replied, it has really helped me to see some things more clearly.
to answer a few questions, the legal age of consent is 16 and i've one more year left of high school to complete.
I KNOW the right thing is to wait 1 more yr, but it's very hard when I'm around him everyday in school and out of school :(, plus the fact that i've been crazing after him for 3 yrs already and have never felt so wonderful when with him...sigh
I will try my very best though, since i do have to focus on my schoolwork with the HSCs looming :/
thank you again everyone, i really appreciate all your help :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Just to answer a question here. In most Australian States bar a few, the legal age of consent for a heterosexual encounter is 16.
So at 17, the it would not be a case of an underage student and a teacher. Both are over the age of consent and can have sex if they wish from that view-point.
However it is still illegal for a student and teacher to form a relationship of any kind. The rules get fuzzier once you get to University and such things are less and less important as it becomes and ADULT student and an ADULT teacher. At that point it would mearely be frowned upon and a possible cause for showing favouritism.
But whilst you are still in College (Or Highschool if you live outside of the A.C.T) I'm afraid, age of consent notwithstanding, as your teacher he would be chucked out of school and find it very difficult to find a teaching post ever again. Because society has a long memory when it comes to this sort of thing.
Hell if you went to a different school then the one he teaches at, you would have fewer issiues being he doesn't teach you. He would just be some random older-guy on the street.
So cool it for a while. If you both care for each other, then you'll wait until you finish your HSC
(Or obtain the Year 12 Certificate if you are a fellow Canberran).
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): yes you can get into trouble if your college finds out
and if they take his side then you could very well get
kicked out
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (30 December 2009):
 "Should i follow my heart and keep seeing him in secret or should i do the 'right' and safe thing and stop our relationship? wat do i do???"
You have said that you know what the right and safe thing to do is...
So why hesitate?
Like the other answerers have said, if he loves you and cares for you, he'll wait till you've finished school.
I know it's difficult but if you keep this up, you'll probably be sent somewhere else but he will definitely will be sacked, and what then? You will probably not see each other again, the magic will be gone, and he will subconsciously blame you for losing his job.
The light is at the end of the tunnel for only one of the options you have - end it and wait till school's over and done with.
If you carry on the way you're going you will meet a painful and upsetting end to your relationship.
The choice is yours, but you need to think about this - your own wants are not what matters at the moment.
If you care for him, do the right thing and don't let him ruin his career AND his reputation. Things like this do NOT go down well wherever you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): once again i agree with CG. To jeopordize both of your futures is bluntly put...stupid. At 17 you are probably a senior. Wait until you finish school and turn 18. If it is true love it will last that long. For him to do anything else is taking advantage and selfishness on his part. Mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Yes, "CaringGuy", I agree, but just a couple of points.
What is the age of consent in Oz?
How long have you got left of your course?
If he truly loves you he will wait until you are free, legally and/or academically, to invest fully and openly in this relationship.
We must all follow our hearts, you know.......
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 December 2009):
The difference in cultures and age isn't a problem. You're not weird at all. However, the problem is that he is your teacher, and should not be taking advantage of a student who has a crush. He should not be using you, which is what he is doing. He can lose his job and you can be kicked out of school or moved. You are risking both your futures here. You've been a goody two shoes, as you say, so maybe he offers a way you can rebel? But I think it would be best for all if you did the right thing and stopped seeing him.
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