A
female
age
41-50,
*azzy1212
writes:I recently started dating an older, divorced man with two young children. I am a young career oriented sucessful women and he is a little less then ambitious older men. I ask myself what could i possibly be attracted to? Yes the sex is great but other then that, I don't really see us going any further. I care about him and enjoy his company but am under the impression that he is falling in love with me. I would really appreciate any advice or comments on my situation.
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ambition, divorce, older man, older men Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 I think the reason you are still with him is because you feel attached to him because he was your first.
Remember that you gave yourself to this guy and he took something that you may(or may not)have felt valuable. Many women, after having sex for the very first time, will have an attachement to the person they gave their virginity to. It's like the baby's attachment to the mother- it's mostly instinctive.
When I read your story, what I though first the reason why you're stil with this guy is because of comformity. You've been with this guy for a while and he and you get along well. He pleases you physically, and there's no mental connection, but the stability you have for now (I assume he treats you right and is a good boyfriend since you didn't mention any bad things about him) makes you not want to end it as you may fear you will not get it back. This and the fact he was your first makes you feel attached to him and you have the innability to as of yet brake up with him.
My guess the confussion the other poster had was because of the question you posted (probably moderator's fault). It's very misleading as it sounds you're only with him for financial reasons. It was a mistake from the person's fault.
My advise is that you should talk to him about your situation with him. Tell him that your feelings have changed but you would like to remain friends with him (well, it just sounds to me that's what you're only are). Say sorry to him if you hurt his feelings, but tell him that what you're doing is for the best and that you will stay with him still, but only as a friend. When you do this, use your words wisely and be calm and take this seriously (so he takes it seriously). Also don't be too harsh.
Or if you don't want to break up, you could try to bring spark to your relationship (which is what might have just happened). Start planning more romantic evenings or go to a couple's councelour if you think your relationship deserves a chance. Oh, to do this, you will still have to talk to him about what you're feeling for now. Hopefully he'll be mature enough to take it and help you get through this.
A
female
reader, Jazzy1212 +, writes (6 August 2008):
Jazzy1212 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn the record I would like to state that if I posted my question was so that I could get some VALID feedback. Being materialist is far from the truth, I doubt that I would still be with this man if that was the case.
When I made the comment of being with an unsucessful man, no where did I link that to his financial status.
As far as why am still with him to be perfectly honest, he has embodied somewhat of a guilty pleasure to me. Eventhough he is close to 20yrs my senior he is far from acting like a mature man would. At times I feel guilty that I might be leading him on cause I treat him like a real man should be treated with respect, loyalty, and sensibility but I fear that he might interpret this as me being in love, which am not by the way and to add to the story I should mention that he was my first.
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A
female
reader, Jazzy1212 +, writes (6 August 2008):
Jazzy1212 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn the record I would like to state that if I posted my question was so that I could get some VALID feedback. Being materialist is far from the truth, I doubt that I would still be with this man if that was the case.
When I made the comment of being with an unsucessful man, no where did I link that to his financial status.
As far as why am still with him to be perfectly honest, he has embodied somewhat of a guilty pleasure to me. Eventhough he is close to 20yrs my senior he is far from acting like a mature man would. At times I feel guilty that I might be leading him on cause I treat him like a real man should be treated with respect, loyalty, and sensibility but I fear that he might interpret this as me being in love, which am not by the way and to add to the story I should mention that he was my first.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Darling if you want a rich SUGAR DADDY. Join Sugar Daddy.com dating service. You seem a very materialistic young lady, who wants a man for his money and not what he can offer you emotionally. This dating service seems right up your street. (Sorry I am only making an observation here).
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