A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have recently moved into halls for university, and moved in with a guy and we instantly hit it off. this was in September. now we are properly together and i like him so much, he makes me so happy and is definitely helping to repair the damage a cheating ex has caused to my heart.unfortunately because of this damage i am a bit untrusting and paranoid, he still has his ex on facebook and talks to a lot of her friends as they were a big close group. it makes me uncomfortable but he doesn't even know i know who his ex is so i ca hardly bring it up, i don't feel like its my place and he doesn't deserve my lack of trust. he isn't my ex and has done nothing wrong.I've fallen so hard for him that sometimes i think i wanna end things now before i get hurt again or things go wrong or he finishes me and i lose him. i know it sounds daft but sometimes i feel like i cant be with anyone because im just waiting for the end of it all and the impending depression.has anyone else felt the same way? how do I get over this? thank you in advance :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 January 2013):
Dear OP,No, please, don't end it with him if he seems to be a nice guy and treating you right.Maybe you just need to take some speed out of the whole thing. You've already fallen deeply for this guy and have put a lot of your heart at stake. So, YOU are the one who puts herself at risk.If you feel so paranoid about being left, then don't sacrifice all your life for this new guy and only spend time with him.Enjoy the love, but also care about your friendships, your studies and be nice to yourself. Make it clear to yourself that you have a live of your own and that he can't take everything from you if this goes badly. Don't make him your only source of happiness, safety, affection and self-worth. Keep some of your independence. Then you can take the risk of loving and losing him.I am sure if he's a nice guy, he will understand this and maybe even appreciate if you don't just drop everything for him and make him the center of your universe right away.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (22 January 2013):
Many people have felt the same way, but for most loneliness is worse than the chance someone will break your heart.
Obviously being single for the rest of your life to avoid that chance is daft.
While it won't take all of the pain out of getting your heart broken, it can help to remember that people are VERY different. People tend to take getting their heart broken very personally, but that's a big mistake because there's simply no way you can be everything to everyone.
If you were cheated on you may think that there is something wrong with you when in fact your spouse could have a sexual addiction, could have zero self control, etc. Those are things you have little control over.
If they left you and hooked up with someone right away they could have abandonment issues, they could be afraid of commitment, etc.
There are billions of people out there. Some may feel right at first, but end up hurting you. That's no reason to stop looking for the guy out there who's perfect for you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 January 2013):
 With any relationship there is always a chance it could end in tears - after all, love is a risk and there is no way of avoiding it.
You simply have to ask yourself this - is he worth the risk? You can go through life avoiding men and relationships through fear of being hurt, but then you will be alone forever and wont ever experience love. Alternatively you can take the risk, knowing you may well get hurt, but you get to experience love and the feeling of someone loving you in return.
In my opinion love is always worth the risk, because the feeling that you experience when you are happy with someone outweighs any hurt or sadness you experience at the end of the relationship. And plus there is always a chance that it may not end badly, and this might just be the one, and that is too good to pass up on.
There is no real way to get over how you are feeling, you can dwell on the risk you are taking all you want - or you can accept that you are taking a risk but he is worth it and you are going to give it a chance.
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